what do you say to family members (who don't know it careabout your anxiety disorder ) that complain and ask why you don't have a job?

[mentalhealthandme]

it seems that my family members talk behind my back asking my mom why I don't work, that because I am not employed,that I'm lazy. I saw that my mom was texting my older sister about me. I avoided some family get togethers because I've been so insecure about myself because I'm so low functioning.I found out at these get togethers they talk about me not working. I do a lot for my family and try to be as useful as possible because I feel so guilty and hate doing nothing i take care of my brother every day.i don't do anything fun or enjoyable for me. my life is completely selfless. Yet I'm made out to be a lazy loser. I'm so crippled by my anxiety. I want to be functioning and be normal. I don't want to be in the house forever with no life. When I did have a job my anxiety made everything impossible.i couldn't communicate, I couldn't think ( I worked in a store). I was fired . Since then I'm lost at what to do. my family doesn't care or think anxiety is real. How should I stand up for myself? How do I ignore it ?

[Agora1]

There really isn't anything you can say or do in allowing family members to truly

understand what you are going through. Put that together with older generations

never talking about mental health issues and it can make us feel more alone.

The thing now is to find the strength within you in going ahead. Block out the put downs

said by others. It hurts and you don't need that right now. I use to go to YouTube and listen

to videos on Affirmations. They can bring up your self esteem and make you realize that

you are worth working through your issues and becoming who you were meant to be.

A therapist can help in directing you to a different path, one that is more suitable for you.

Maybe try to find something that isn't people oriented (like the store). Working with the

public can be quite harsh at times. A more quiet atmosphere...such as a library might help

relax your mind and body. This isn't forever but just until you get confident enough to take

a bigger step. xx

[Blue_81]

People will always talk. They will never know what you are carrying until they carry it themselves. My family has always told me that I was fragile and weak. It was always this anxiety making havoc inside of me. Always felt alone. I did push through but I still have to deal with my baggage. For a job Maybe try something like hands on like maintenance. Being hands helps avoid thinking. Best wishes!

[Agora1 in reply to Blue_81]

Great response Blue. We learn from each other xx

[Jobee59]

first off one really good technique that I’ve learned I’ve had anxiety for 40 some years and it can be immobilizing for sure. Learn not to care what other people think and say for one that’s a big help, and it’s obvious that the family does not know how to be supportive because they probably have no clue what you feel like in what you’re going through. My family did the same thing they thought I was going nuts and all that mine triggered right after my father passed away And I didn’t know what was going on they didn’t know what was going on but they were very negative family and they still talk shit about each other all the time so I deal with them very little. So my advice is like I said find some quiet time by yourself don’t give two shits about what they say or think because they don’t know . And I will say this now that all of my family‘s spouses have passed away and both of our parents are gone some of her sisters are gone we’re suffering a little anxiety and depression themselves and they don’t know how to deal with it. Another thing to you try to do a little bit physically each day and know that anxiety is not going to kill you. And also try to find a good counselor and a good position and work together and get you out of it. Good luck God bless you my word to you is everything will be OK.

[sallyb57]

It is hard for people to understand but read more and learn breathing techniques. I have suffered all my life from anxiety. I let it rule my life till I was in my late 30's then I stopped worrying what people thought of me, studied to be a hairdresser and have been doing it ever since. I myself can hardly believe it. My motto is "feel the fear and do it anyway". Life must be lived otherwise you will run out of time. Best wishes.

[kama24]

No one should judge another until "they have walked a mile in your shoes". It is rude, and ignorant. They have no concept as to what you feel or what your life is like. Try your best to ignore them leave it to their ignorance. You are trying, you are contributing, you matter!! Your are NOT alone!

[Stippler]

My family was the same way. But in recent years, my Mother has come to accept it, even encouraging me through my difficulties. For that, I am very grateful. But my brother is a different story. He tells everybody I am lazy, freeloading and milking the system. I do not talk to him anymore than 2x a year, and then, only on the phone for 5 minutes. Lots of times he calls me but I don't answer or return his calls. He tells Mom he thinks I don't like him. She tells him I don't feel like he likes me. He asks her why he turned out so good, and me so bad. After all, we are from the same family. Anyway, I am not hanging around with him until he becomes more accepting, like Mom has become. I have tried to learn to own my power in this situation. I will not change my mind. If he wants me in his life, he's gonna have to accept me as I am, and not for who he wants me to be.