Just wanted a rant I guess

[Guest135]

I am so sick and tired of trying very hard to make friends, I keep going out of my way to try and include myself, and I have tried my very hardest to never leave anyone out of anything, but I feel like I am always left out of things, I am just so done with everything, everyone else seems to be finding their groups so easily at uni, and making friends easily, makes me wonder whether there is something wrong with me, I know it seem like such a trivial issue, but no matter how hard I try, I always end up being alone and I absolutely despise that, I don’t like being alone. I am really struggling to leave my room, sometimes even getting out of bed seems really hard, I want to do something to turn my life around, but I don’t know how to get the help, I don’t know my gps well enough to be able to ask for help, I just feel lost and don’t know how long I am going to have to push through this

[OO8OO]

I can suggest you explore the topics of friendship and loneliness philosophically to understand them essentially. For example, Cicero wrote an excellent book "On Friendship" and you can search YouTube videos about loneliness and it's meaning to different people.

[Cellothere]

Hey there, it can be REALLY hard. I have definitely felt those feelings before, especially when I was younger. Over time I have found people I feel safe with and can relate to better. It sounds a bit cheesy perhaps, but that concept of finding your 'tribe' and your own people is quite accurate in some ways. You will find them. Don't give up. I am like you and make an effort to make sure others don't feel left out and that can make it frustrating when others don't reciprocate. Some people are more emotionally mature and empathic than others yes - we are actually wonderful people! haha. Have you joined any groups/societies at uni? That could offer you a felling of belonging and connection you know...anyway. You're not alone really...out here in the ether are others who have felt the same. Don't give up.

[Cellothere]

PS You do sound as though you are beginning to get depressed though...I know some unis don't have great pastoral services, but others do. Give them a chance? I think you SHOULD contact your GP too...that's their job so don't worry about knowing them. I am rooting for you. I think people are Uni can be pretty self absorbed, so it's a good idea to care about yourself enough to get some help. You deserve it.

[Lazyiamnot]

Hi Guest135

I am not a regular poster here, however on occasion I will take the time to reply to issues that I am familiar with, or ones I can directly relate to.

Going by the contents, I take it that you are a university student struggling to make friends. I am not a student myself, however, a parent of a young person who has difficulty in making friends and this is despite, the naturally kind, pleasant, polite and helpful individual qualities possessed.

The first year at university was quite a painful experience, however I supported and encouraged to the best of my ability, to join as many university activity clubs as was able to and get fully involved, as a participant or lead, secretary, volunteer etc, so as to find a balance, but more so, to avoid being alone, and instead, spending time in the company of other like minded students, sharing things in common, even if, there was not a close allie in the group.

The result of this effort meant going away at weekends as well as weekdays, participating and leading activities and being in the company of groups of people, rather than be alone in ones company, albeit it did not altogether solve the desire to have close friends. It however meant being included, doing and learning new things; having events and outings to help organise and look forward to. This helped enormously, through the latter university years, also when seeking accommodation outside student halls etc.

Whilst in the end it was more the case, each for themselves, and what they could get, there was a lot, gained from the overall experience in becoming a member of a vast amount of university clubs.

In addition to this, as a parent I was there night and day to take the calls and also from a distance check in and ensure conversations were had, along with ongoing help and support, making sure the moments were never alone or in silence, offering words of encouragement. Supporting the academic side of things, as well as the welfare and social.

Now, on the cusp of graduation, I would be lying if I were to say, that the need for close friends, have being resolved. However, I remain close, share what I am able to ie, walks in the great outdoors etc, and continue to support, have conversations and listen carefully to concerns raised, whilst encouraging and advocating the benefits of joining and belonging to different groups. As there are benefits to be gained in that, it is where you are likely to meet, mature, sensitive, kind, considerate and caring kindred spirits, for whom, it is not all about themselves.

You mentioned seeing a GP, what I would say is that if this is what you need to do, then please act now. In that any underlying problem can be swiftly addressed, and getting any additional help required.

From my own family member perspective, I do share your pain, however, perhaps the way forward is to start off by speaking to the University's student welfare team. They are there to provide practical support, signpost and make the university experience a memorable one. So please, don't suffer in silence , reach out to them.

With best wishes, in getting the help and support you need.