Feeling lost

[Heatherj89]

Do you guys ever have those days where you just feel completely defeated and hopeless? Most days I keep my head above water and mask everything just fine but today was one of those days. Noting in particular really aside from the general high level of stress I’m under all the time with my job and everything going on. When I’m anxious it becomes about my bodily sensations which I know is really common. I become weirdly aware and obsessive about my pulse and I have a really hard time not hovering my finger over my neck all day monitoring it. Sometimes I’m anxious that it’s beating fast. Sometimes it’s beating too slow. It’s so irrational. I am SO TIRED of this struggle. I’m so tired of feeling ashamed of it. I’m so tired of the suffering in anxiety. Please do not confuse this with a post about wanting to hurt myself or anything like that. I just really need to get it off my chest tonight. I feel so alone like no one else understands what it’s like to live with severe anxiety that can absolutely cripple you. It effects every aspect of my life. Most people wouldn’t guess I’m this way. I maintain a professional job, have two little kids and a seemingly perfect life. If you haven’t been there you don’t know.... and honestly I don’t personally know anyone else with it. Really I’m just looking for someone to understand what I’m going through.

[Heatherj89]

Thank you so much for sharing! It breaks my heart that you’re going through all of this in high school. I’m 31 (so I’m not crazy old or anything lol). I hope you start getting some relief soon as well. Isn’t it crazy how we can seem so put together on the outside but inside it’s a mess? I think that may be one of the main reasons anxiety is sometimes pushed off my people who haven’t had it as something where we are just being dramatic. Mental health is real and it’s good to have places like this for support.

[borahae]

Hello, yes I feel this too! I'm also always obsessively checking my pulse, scared that its too fast or too slow and it drives me insane. Anxiety is debilitating and its so hard to talk to friends about it as their experience and knowledge of anxiety is not like this