Will I ever get my life back ?

I have been suffering with anxiety for over a year. It first started as a result of quite a few stressful events in my life. My anxiety has led me to feeling very fatigued with no energy at all. I have a consent feeling of mucus in my throat which makes me gag. I am a shadow of my former self. It has resulted in me having lengthy amounts of time off work, which in turn is putting me under threat of loosing my job. I've hardly been able to do anything socially and even when I do it is like climbing Everest and takes just as much energy out of me. I keep telling myself that if I keep doing as much as I can and struggle and force myself to work I will eventually get over this but it doesn't seem to be happening. I love my job and I have worked hard for it. Part of me is scared to accept that this anxiety will always be part of me because I fear I will have to give up my job. I would do anything to get my life back. I feel as though I have surviving, struggling through each day rather then living. I have m good weeks where I feel ok and then I have weeks where I feel worse. When I have a good week I get m hopes up that I am getting over this and then I fall even harder when a bad week comes along. I have been having CBT with not much effect and now am on Escitalopram. I hope it will help !


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7 Replies

  • Things will get better for u. I was like it just a while ago where I just cudnt do anything. Well say I cudnt its that I wudnt as all I Cud think about was my anxiety and all the symptoms that came with it. I felt detached from my surroundings, like I was here but in my own world. I felt like I wasnt me anymore. I'm not saying I still don't get anxiety and all the symptoms now because I do. I'm just learning to except that fighting it isn't making it go away its just making me feel worser. I'm changing the way I think, if it comes let it come. Don't panic, just relax thou it tell it to do its best. I'm still not the person I was a yr ago but I'm getting there I'm feeling abit more like me. It just takes time, and the gud days will out do the bad ones. Take care x

  • Hi. donaf. Marvelous! You seem to have got "IT" by the tail. The only answer is to give up, let it all come. This goes right against the grain and our natural instinct which is to fight. You have discovered that this just creates more problems. Well done.

    Very best wishes. jonathan.

  • Hi. GAD. donaf has got it about right. When I look at your blog certain key words come out at me. I am NOT being critical. Heaven forbid! I know how you feel but let us look at how you are going about helping yourself. Losing weight in nervous illness is not uncommon in fact it usually happens because we don't eat properly. Anxiety decreases your appetite because, when we are afraid, the body (your involuntary nervous system) clicks in to the Fight-Flight mode and eating is not on the agenda when you are running in fear (a primeval instinct).

    Since you are anxious most of the time you lose weight. "Like climbing Everest". Of course, the way you do it takes an enormous amount of energy, so does climbing Everest. You have run out of energy and so are depleted."Struggling through each day". Struggling' also comsumes energy, vast amounts of it. Suppose you 'struggle' with someone (all day as you do) would you not feel depleted, anxious? People are told "You must fight this thing, you must not let it get the better of you". NO! Fighting does not relieve anxiety, it makes it worse. Try an experiment. Take a deep breath. Now see if you can make your symptoms worse. You will find that you can't. Your adrenaline releasing nerves have thrown all they can at you for the moment. This is why the ups and downs occur. Now I want you to do the opposite to what you think you should do. i.e. to fight. Relax into it. Let the feelings come and try and look at them without adding second fear. The "Oh my goodness, I will never get over this, This will last for ever". All these thoughts create more adrenaline and more fear and prolong the agony. ACCEPT how you feel for the moment. You WILL get well, believe me, but you have to calm yourself so that you body can heal itself. None of this is easy, but it can be done. Come back whenever you want to. We are always here and willing to help. You will get more help. Listen to them. They know. Very best wishes. jonathan.

  • Hi GAD, agree with the previous posts, i know you feel like this is just you, i know because i do, they are the most horrid feelings. I was an operations manager for 20 years and started down the same road as many others i have now read, starting with sick days, used up all my a/l,but in the end it caught up with me and i couldnt make up anymore excuses, i was medically retired from a job that\ i really loved. this is not the best situation from my point of view because i believe if you can stay at work it is a great distraction from the anxiety, you cant do two things at once, like work and be anxious, for me, i was better off at work, the more i isolated myself and avoided everything the more the anxiety got stronger. i know we are not supposed to fight the feelings, however, i think keeping busy is fighting back, you will get your life back because you will learn more about this illnesss and how to manage it, the meds do take a little while to work and keep giving the cbt a chance, remember to try all routes, if one doesnt work for you another will do, and the more you learn about managing this the better, the best thing you have done is to recognise the difficulties you are having and ask for help. you are stronger than this illness GAD, your mind does not control you, you control it, and it will get easier if you keep walking strong, best wishes GAD TTFN VV

  • Hi. Vincent. I feel the word 'manage' is the right one. No matter how we do it we have to 'manage' correctly. It is finding what is right for us and sticking to it. Not be distracted by other methods. You are right; you are stronger than "IT"but it is difficult to realise this when in the grip of this diabolical illness. Good luck and best wishes. jonathan.

  • Thank you for all your comments

  • I feel exactly the same :-(

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