Ugh :(: Hello everyone. I’ve been writing... - Anxiety Support

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Ugh :(

destinymichelle
destinymichelle
26 Replies

Hello everyone. I’ve been writing here a lot again because my anxiety is back in full swing the last few days. Last night I was having a really hard time. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I was really shaky and my heart started racing. I’ve had all of these symptoms because of anxiety, so I’m hoping that it’s just the anxiety. I meditated a little bit hoping that I would calm down. It helped because shortly after I ended up falling asleep, but I just woke up about 30 minutes ago and my chest is killing me. I feel like I’m not breathing correctly and I’m worried. I keep thinking that I’m going to die. It’s worse whenever I’m alone, but thankfully my fiancé is home today. I can’t shake this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something bad is going to happen and I told my fiancé last night that I thought I was having a heart attack because my chest was killing me and then my arm started hurting (my left arm) and he told me I was perfectly fine. I hate waking up and starting my day to anxiety. My chest is killing me and I’m so tired of this.... I’m so tired of writing these negative posts, but my question is: If this was something more than anxiety wouldn’t I know? I don’t think that I’d be able to calm myself down if it was actually something serious and I feel like maybe I would have more symptoms instead of the same symptoms I constantly have with anxiety. I know that you guys aren’t doctors, but any tips, advice, or truthful reassurance would be nice.

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Emsnavvv

I’ve been feeling the same way!! I feel shaky and feel like I can’t breathe right, and my heart is pounding and I’m dizzy! I have this impending doom feeling that I’m going to die and I wish I could tell you how to stop it. I try to calm myself down just like you and it helps minimally, in my head I think okay if something were actually very wrong, I feel like we would just know? Idk if that makes sense but I try and tell myself that. I’m glad to know neither of us are alone because right now I feel very alone!

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Emsnavvv

I hope you feel better son, I sometimes use rescue remedy or a cup of camomile tea . Sometimes it takes the edge if. Or I sometimes even if I really don’t want to watch something on the telly to distract yourself . Hope it gets betternsoon

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destinymichelle

I’m so so sorry to hear that you’re feeling the same way. It’s helpful to know that I’m not alone, but it also makes me sad because this feeling is terrible. I’ve been journaling, playing video games, even trying to go outside and just walk around even for 5 minutes. I’ve been meditating a lot more, etc. I was doing really good for about 2 weeks. I was having anxiety attacks, but not as bad as I have been. My health anxiety is bad as well, so that’s why I get so confused because I’m telling myself that it’s just anxiety, but in the back of my head the thoughts of “I’m going to die” “The ambulance is going to have to come get me.” Just a bunch of negative thoughts are still there.. I woke up today hoping for a new better day, but my chest is killing me and I feel like I’m wobbling back and forth and feel like I can’t breathe that great at all. Do you take any medications for it? Also please feel free to message me love. You are not alone. There’s more people who feel the same way as us. It feels so lonely and never ending, but we can and we will get out of this eventually ❤️❤️ We just have to trust the process.

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Emsnavvv

Thank you so much for making me feel just a little better!!! 💜💜💜 I appreciate it so much!!! It’s just an awful feeling and I wish we didn’t have to go through it all the time.

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Hidden
Hidden

Hi I don’t think you would be able to calm yourself down , but I am not medical , Saturday was terrible for me, I thought I can’t do this anymore I had constant anxiery with body jolts and dizzy ness , I really was in a bad way it wouldn’t stop , but I just put up with it , I think I was adding more fear to it. And prolonging the anxiety . Sometimes I just don’t know, but you calmed yourself down I hope you feel better soon. I know what it’s like . I don’t know why some days are a tiny bit better than the day before . That’s the trouble with anxiety you don’t know from hour to hour what’s in store. I get pain in my neck and back and arms, I think mine is muscle tension , if you are really worried I would see your gp . Just to reassure you good luck.

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destinymichelle
destinymichelle
in reply to Hidden

I’ve been to the ER 3 times since July and they’ve checked everything and I’m fine. I’ve had EKG, blood work, urine test, and chest X-rays and everything has come back normal. I would go to the ER again, but my hospital bills are racking up and since I can somewhat calm myself down I don’t think that I need to go because they will tell me anxiety.

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to destinymichelle

Yes some here , they checked you out and say it’s anxiety panic attacks and send you home,. Do you listen to Claire Weekes books and tapes . She is very very good , and she has hundreds of followers . I wish you well.

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destinymichelle
destinymichelle
in reply to Hidden

I have not! Where can I find her books and tapes? I hear a lot of people talking about her on here.

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to destinymichelle

Amazon.co.uk do the cassettes and books I rely on them as my bible.

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TheBlackdog

Hi destinymichelle, I have replied before now and hope you dont mind me talking to you again but I would persevere with the mindfulness meditation, listen to it and try not to fall asleep. At least it is helping somewhat. Keep practising it. Its not easy like everything, it takes practice.

Also I think that it might help if you were to take long relaxing breaths in and out of a brown paper bag. And to keep doing this until the heart pain goes away. Put on tv a fun loving cartoon film which is happy. Anything that you love helps make you feel calmer, your partner cuddling you close or playing a computer game. You need distraction and rest. It sounds like your body has gone into flight mode and is trying to run away from danger. You need to ignore the symptoms and, ir just accept that they are there. Talk to them!

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destinymichelle

Of course I don’t mind if you talk to me or give me any more advice, etc! I really appreciate it ❤️ Being around my fiancé helps a lot. It seems like the times I’m doing my worst is when he’s usually not around. I’m trying to break that habit because I need to learn how to be calm on my own. When he’s here calming down is so much easier because we will just lay down and cuddle and he will watch funny shows with me. When he’s gone, I don’t know what to do and him being gone and me thinking about having an attack while he is gone sends me into a panic. I trust him and know that he understands what I’m going through, so when I go through it all alone it feels so much more intense. He starts working tomorrow from 10pm-7am night shift at Walmart and I honestly don’t know how I’m going to deal.

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destinymichelle

Also, I really think it’s my health anxiety on top of my GAD. When I start to feel that way I tell myself not to fight the feelings. Just accept it and let it pass. I’ve been telling myself “you’re not in any real danger. You’ve gone through this before and you can get through it again and again.” And that has been helping me, but back in my mind I’m thinking “I’m going to die. I’m going to lose everything that I love. I’m never going to be able to do the things I love and want and never have a chance because I’m going to die.” And it depresses me and I just get sent further and further into the anxiety.

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TrustnGod

Before I begin, I want to apologize for the long reply.

Hey destinymichelle. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles, especially at such a young age. I want to let you know that you’re not alone. When my health anxiety first started in April, I was convinced that I was dying. I had begun sleeping in my parents room and every night I had this horrible feeling (which I now know was just my muscles trying to relax) that I thought was me going. Everyday that I woke up, I was shocked. But I was also scared and would end up going back to sleep for the majority of the day. I almost dropped out of university because I thought well what’s the point if I’m just going to die. Mind you, during this time I was going to the ER or urgent care on a weekly (yes weekly) basis with shortness of breath, a racing heart, chest pain, etc. I was also visiting numerous specialists to check every organ in my body. It was ridiculous and I was TRULY convinced that I had something going on.

By August, I had had every single scan, test, procedure, etc. that you can think of. I’m pretty sure doctors have seen every organ in my body by now. But what’s crazy is that none of this reassured me. Everytime I would leave the ER or get a call that my scans were fine, I wouldn’t be convinced. “If they couldn’t find something, I’ll look for someone else”. It wasn’t until my parents told me “Lia you’re looking for something that isn’t there. When will you stop looking?” that something inside me changed. That’s when I decided to finally look at what anxiety can really do to you, and that really helped me.

First and foremost, anxiety is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Some neurotransmitter (could be too little GABA or too much glutamate or even too little serotonin) is being produced way too much or way too little. The end result of this is our neurons being far too active. So they begin to send false signals down our bodies that our inhibitory neurotransmitters would usually be blocking. For some, this means paranoia, stress, or excessive worrying that solely happens in the brain. For others, like us, this means physical sensations that are accompanied with excessive worries about our health. One thing I was unable to wrap my head around was these physical sensations. How could my body make me feel like I was having a heart attack when I wasn’t? Why was I short of breath? Why was my heart racing? Why did my stomach hurt? Etc. etc.

Well here’s what I neglected to remember. The mind, body connection is so strong that to me, it’s incomprehensible. We have to remember that we are very sympathetic beings. Studies have shown that when you look at a picture of a face that’s portraying a specific emotion, your brain starts to activate the same regions in you that are associated with that emotion. In the same way, when we read things on Dr. Google or even sometimes just think about specific pains, our bodies can activate the release of electric signals down to whatever part of the body we’re reading about, and practically imitate that same pain. This happens to people who do not have anxiety, but unlike us, their body is able to quiet those signals before they become a true sensation. That, or their minds are able to rationalize “ok that was odd but it only lasted a second and I’m ok”. With anxiety, we’re way over sensitized. Additionally, we’re more prone to going into fight or flight mode. You said you wake up with this anxious feeling. That’s most likely because your body begins to release adrenaline and activate the sympathetic system into that fight or flight mode as soon as you’re awake. Lastly, if you ever pay attention to how you are when you’re anxious, you may notice that your entire body is tense. Tension in the body can create some of the craziest sensations. The shortness of breath I often feel is a result of my diaphragm being too tense because I’m not breathing properly. Sometimes, I’ll wake up with a tight chest that’s a result of me tensing my chest muscles the day before. That’s why people with anxiety should be meditating, doing yoga, taking hot baths, because those produce relaxation that finally allow our muscles to calm down for a bit.

Now, you asked if you’d be able to tell if something serious was going on. I’m not quite sure how to explain this but I believe the body goes into a calm but urgent state when something is truly truly wrong. I can’t explain it more than that but just know that our bodies are very good at communicating when something isn’t right.

I want to encourage you to remember all of this when you’re having those high anxiety days. It’s not easy to retrain your brain to thinking in a rationalized way, but it is possible. Im not sure if you believe in God but there has been nothing that has helped me more through this time than prayer and placing my trust in him. I know I can’t control everything that happens in life. So I’m slowly learning to choose to place my trust in him because I know his will for my life will work together for my good. Also, L-theanine is a great alternative to SSRI’s or benzos if you’re not looking to get on one of those. It can be found in supplement form and also in green and black tea.

You’ve been given a clean bill of health, now take it and run!

~Lia

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destinymichelle

Where can you get the L-theanine? I currently can’t get on any medications because I don’t have any health insurance and it’s been hard for me to get myself to go up to a free mental health clinic. First of all, you’re an angel. This was perfect and exactly what I wanted and needed to hear. Yes, I do believe in God and I’ve been praying a lot. I’ve noticed that my anxiety tends to hit me pretty hard whenever I’m alone. Whenever I have my fiancé around, I’m not so anxious because I know that if I was to feel weird he would be here to comfort me, but trying to distract myself and tell myself things such as “hey, it’s ok. You’ve been through this before. Yes, it sucks, but if you relax and not fight it off you’ll be ok. It’s just anxiety. It’s happened before and it’ll happen again and you’ll be ok everytime.” Sometimes doesn’t work. I needed to hear this. I really did. I’ve been to the ER 3 times since July with shortness of breath, palpitations, dizziness, etc and every time they’ve told me that I’m fine. My blood tests, fine. Pee test, fine. EKG, fine. Chest X-ray, fine. I didn’t believe it the first time, so I went back. I didn’t believe it the second time, so I went back. The 3rd time, I listened and I believed it, but then a couple weeks later I start telling myself “maybe it’s something rare and they haven’t caught it. Maybe they can tell I’m anxious so they’re just blaming it on that. Maybe it’s something in my brain like a tumor.” My mother told me almost the same thing as yours except she said “it’s almost as if you want them to tell you something bad” which isn’t the case, but makes sense because I keep searching for answers. You’re so right about Dr Google though. There’s been so many times that I’ve looked up something and I was like “oh ok. There’s 2 symptoms that I don’t have. I’m okay.” And so, I go on thinking about those 2 symptoms everyday until suddenly I have those extra 2 symptoms and now I’m convinced that I have that rare condition suddenly even though I’ve been to the ER 3 times in the last 4 months. When I feel like I can’t breathe, chest hurts, or any kind of physical pain I start to go “well- it’s definitely *insert serious underlying health condition* “ or I think I’m dying. I feel relief reading what you just said to me. Thank you for sharing that with me. Thank you so much. You have no idea. I’m so glad that you didn’t drop out and that you’re doing better. ❤️ Are you taking any medications or anything? Have you tried any therapy/counseling? I’ve been trying to meditate at least once a day. It’s harder than I thought it would be. I definitely need to try some yoga. I’ve been reading books a lot more and journaling. These things have helped me very much.

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Mike7777

Are you not able to get on health insurance through your state? Thats what i do. Its free.

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destinymichelle

I’ve been trying, but most of the state insurances you either need to be under 18, pregnant, have children, over the age of 55 (or something like that), or disabled.

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Mike7777

Yeah you do. I have kids and im 27 yrs old. Im able to get on it. But i know what you mean.

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TrustnGod

You can buy L-theanine in the vitamin section of any grocery store. I usually take like 50 mg a day max but you can find what dosage works for you!

I have problems being alone too. I usually have someone at home with me all the time but it really helps that there’s 5 people living at my house. Only having one other person..I’d really struggle with that. But during the times I am alone I constantly try to remind myself that God is there with me and he’s watching over me.

Oh ya anxiety is a rough cookie because hearing you’re fine from a doctor doesn’t take it away. You sit there and think “they definitely missed something. There’s no way” because you’re still having symptoms. That took me the longest time to learn. I’d always think “if the doctors have cleared me, why am I feeling this way?”...because you’re anxious! That’s why! Haha. But it took me a while to realize that.

I only take L-Theanine. I’ve contemplated going the medication route because anxiety runs in my family so I often wonder if this needs medication fixing since it’s in my genetics. But idk. For now I’m just taking the natural route. I’m not against medication though! As for therapy, I am in it. It has helped tremendously but some days I hate going because it requires a conscious effort to think about my problems and I’d much rather just ignore them if I’m being honest. Are you in therapy?

Oh for sure. It used to take me 3 days minimum to go back to a less anxious state after having a panic attack. They’re really intense for your body to feel (not harmful though)! Remember anxiety has its way of manifesting fear. The longer we fear what it’s telling us or making us feel, the worse it gets. Once it can’t make you feel anxious about one thing it’s going to begin on a whole different slew of things. If you’ve ever seen BeeVee’s or Jeff’s posts on here, they’re a great reminder of what anxiety is and how it’s nature is to feed off of fear.

You’re going to get through this. Don’t give up on yourself and continue to pray, meditate, journal, and read. If you’re ever concerned about symptoms or need a pick me up, my inbox is always open.

~Lia

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destinymichelle

I live with my fiancé, my fiancé’s grandpa, and my fiancé’s mother. His mother is hardly ever here, but knowing that I have someone here really does help. It’s just my fiancé really knows how to calm me down and I feel safe when I’m with him, so I think that’s why it gets to me so bad. I’m literally sitting here right now with tears in my eyes ready to break down. He’s working from 10PM until 7AM and im scared that I cant handle it. The anxiety attack I had the other night has been driving me insane and I fear I will have it again. I keep over thinking like what if I need someone and everyone is asleep? I’m so terrified. I can’t shake this feeling that I’m just going to late here and die. My whole body hurts and I’m very emotional because I’m 19 years old and I’m laying here everyday thinking that I’m going to die..

No, sadly I’m not in any kind of therapy/counseling, but I think I could benefit from it. I will definitely try the natural way and hope that it will help. Really, what’s bothering me the most is definitely the physical symptoms. I just want them to go away.. I feel so helpless.

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destinymichelle

The things you said about our bodies being tense is so true. As I’m writing this message I notice that my jaws are clenched and my shoulders are stiff. I also manage to forget that after anxiety attacks- you’re not completely clear. Your body can still be in pain if that makes sense. Thank you so so much for all of this. I woke up this morning with chest pain and I forget to realize that our bodies get tense and when they get tense, they’re in pain. My anxiety used to be so much more mental than physical which is why I think I’m feeling it so much. I used to have anxiety about crowded places, going out, something serious that happened, job interviews, etc. now I can’t even walk into the store without panic. I can’t even think about going in a store because it sends me into an anxiety attack. I can’t stand being without my fiancé and I used to enjoy my alone time. It’s been hard to even get myself to do daily chores without panicking. Not having any health insurance has made me feel stuck. :( I hope I can get better soon. I’m ready to be normal again, or even just a little better than constantly thinking that I’m going to die at 19 years old.

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destinymichelle

I’m currently feeling all of these symptoms and having a very hard time and I want you to know that I came back to read this because it’s helped me 💕 thank you again.

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Khonkaen

Sorry to hear about your troubles, I have found I have had to learn to breath properly since my HA, how strange. I have friends and in-law family and that is so helpful, if you don't you need to find some. My trouble is I have too much time on my hands and I must fix that and just keep convincing myself I am okay.

Anxiety is not an exact art, but it is a vicious circle, of pain=anxiety=pain and each of us have to find a way. I am hooked in to Buddhism and as an athiest it makes sense to me, but whatever you do you need support.

Hope you find it, just keep looking, in meantime keep up the meditation, I can't do that.

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Jayosomucho

My anxiety has came back fully randomly as well, honestly the same symptoms those your having plus a few more is the same thing time after time and I feel as if it were something serious you/ we would know it. It truly sucks but as I told someone else not only meditation but walking daily and taking a few moments even when normal just to yourself really helps. I hope this could help someone I know it does me being on here

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destinymichelle

Thank you so much! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this vicious cycle as well :(

I’m here if you need to talk. I’ve been having these symptoms everyday a couple times a day usually.

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Blindmagg

I went through the EXACT same symptoms when my anxiety peaked. Horrible chest pains and cramps in my arms (which was because I was so tense all the time) and my heart rate would always stay so high all the time. I understand how scary it can be! And it just worsens your anxiety. If it’s something that really concerns you, going to the doctor just to make sure everything is in check can definitely help lessen your anxiety about it being something serious.. Sending love and light your way and remember you got this!!❤️

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destinymichelle

I went to the ER in July, August, and again at the end of September. I’ve had blood work, EKG, chest X-ray, and a urine test. Everything came back normal. It’s just that when I start to get worked up I start to get irrational and think that I’m dying. It’s just been such a struggle.

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