Don’t know anymore

Hi I am new to this , I am 65 a carer to my husband , who has copd cancer breathing problems , I have a son who helps out when he can , to cut a long story short. I was ill with breakdown about 20 years ago , had medication therapy , things were different then I had support from my husband and family sadly all my family have dies. About 8 weeks ago I had a massive panic attack and haven’t been outside the door since. All my anxiety has come back with depression and panic. I am to scared to go out to the hairdressers. I am trying to find a mobile hairdresser to come to my house, . Haven’t found on yet, I make appointments with my hairdresser but don’t go.as I can’t walk the distance. I find taking a small dose of Valium helps me sleep a little bit but I am always waking up . I wake up about 6 o’clock feeling awful , get myself some milk and a snack and get my husbands breakfast , usually I go back to bed for a hour or so. But feel exshauted most of the day with this anxiety I am really trying to be positive. And read Claire Weekes books about going through the panic . My mental health nurse took me out last week for the first time in weeks and I rushed into the shop and couldn’t wait to get home . It was a pleasant experience. I haven’t been out since. I get scared of the most horrible feelings I get nausea , dizzy , I won’t take anti depressants as I am scared of them , I am trying to wean myself off Valium , I feel as if I am letting myself down when I can’t go out. Before all this happened I was doing everything shopping etc. I have never been able to travel distances and still have anxiery problems but my life was better than it is now. Just wondered if anxiery eases up . The nurse said I should go out with someone in the week but I haven’t anybody to go with.i am getting my shopping online . Any helpful advice would so help me. Thanks

[Agora1]

Hi Bluegirl, it sounds like your responsibility to your husband's care as well as knowing family

and friends are no longer there to help you, has put you into an anxiety spiral.

Rather than get yourself into an agoraphobic situation, it may well be the right time to

reach out to medication in helping you get your feet back on the ground again.

Medications can well help bridge the gap between staying stuck and going forward.

We all worry so much about becoming dependent on meds that we suffer needlessly and

wishing things would change.

Is there a senior center in your town that has volunteers who can take you to doctor,

salon or just accompany you on a leisurely walk? You also need to make a little

"me time" for yourself everyday. Finding a quiet corner in your home to meditate and

breathe will help release some of the fears that have built up. Talk with your doctor

about helping you get on medication that will help slice through this overwhelming panic.

Don't allow the modern conveniences of the day make it easier for you to stay in.

There's a world out there that you still need to be a part of. Please use this site as your

support aid while getting through yet another glitch in life. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Agora1. I have a deep deep anxiety about taking anti depressants , because the doctor said it could heighten my anxiety a bit , and I will have to take some Valium to help me with it, what happens in the night if my husband has a exabation with his breathing , he also has alifillibararion his breathing is dreadful he is on oxygen . Nearly all day, I know if I take a antidepressant I will have a panic attack and all sorts. Because of my phobia.i can just about cope with the panic I get now, and the situation is horrible at the moment . About going out the doctor said I will get better but it will take longer. I am having a nurse take me out Monday to the clinic to do art therapy, so I am under pressure with these mental health people I keep having dreams about them , putting pressure on me, I took gamanil and melloril 20 years ago and felt very ill on them . Paroxatine made me feel spaced out Prozac did the some. I don’t know the answere to my problems I really don’t. I hope to god I can get a little bit better without anti depressants but it worries me,thst I never will.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bluegirl, I certainly understand your concerns regarding you needing to be coherent at all times. Many of the meds do cause drowsiness, I agree. It's a matter of finding the

right med, the right dose for you as well as the right time to take it.

I have A-Fib myself as well as high b/p. I also have an anorexic daughter who is very

sickly. I live on the edge never knowing if today will be the day she succumbs to this

dreadful disease. If I learned anything in these last 10 years, I've learned that I need

to take care of myself so that I am there for her.

I weaned off my benzos because they did make me too sleepy. However I am on Lexapro

that takes care of my stress w/o causing me functioning issues. It's a matter of your doctor finding what can help. I understand, in the midst of you trying these drugs the

what if you are needed in the middle of the night arises.

I worry about you. It sounds like you are running on fumes at times. Can your husband's

doctor make any suggestions how your needs can also be met? Unfortunately, many of

us find ourselves in this position sooner or later. Your doctor is the best person to help

you find resources that can help . xx

[Pat9]

Hi I completely understand where your coming from I care for my husband to who has cancer and I don’t think we appreciate the stress that puts on us daily so the fact you git anxious like this is not surprising it happens to me too, I use mindfulness I find it brilliant . There is an app called Headspace download it in your phone it’s great for helping you deal with thoughts that make you scared but are in fact not reality they are irrelevant in the bigger picture and mindfulness helps you to deal with them good luck I’m here if ever you need to chat 🙂xx

[Hidden in reply to Pat9]

Pat 9 thanks for your reply . I will ask my son about headspace on my phone.. I think pat I have so much to learn , how to help myself , I have always put my husbands needs first and my son and daughter and the four grandchildren . And I thought I was superwoman . I was also dealing with a person problem that went on for 2 years . And I suppose it all,come to a head. When I collapsed in the kitchen 8 weeks ago..

[Pat9 in reply to Hidden]

Your like me been someone for everyone your entire life so it’s not hard to see how we landed up feeling wrecked, time now to stand back a bit and think of ourselves care more about ourselves. It doesn’t mean we don’t still love the family I have three girls and seven grandchildren who I adore but I think now it’s time to think about me a bit more I suggest you do too hun your mind and body are crying out for you to listen to it good luck and remember I’m here to chat if you need to anytime 🙂xx