Anyone wish they wouldn’t wake up

Hello: fighting Ocd, trying different anti depressants and feel like I am losing the battle, don’t want to die but don’t want to live. Anyone ever feel like this? Sorry, don’t mean to be Debbie downer but I was a completely normal person two years ago and then suffered a trauma, my once beautiful life now sucks,

[1uglychild]

Anxiety is always worse in the morning for me. Especially when I’m starting up a drug as you are. I think what happens is we get a build up of adrenalin as we sleep adding to that whole panic feeling. I felt like I could literally feel that energy just sitting in my chest. I worked through this patch by exercising in the morning. I’m lucky in that we have a treadmill at home, but even a walk outside will help a bit. Or if you rather stay in and have no equipment, look for some videos on YouTube.

I forgot to tell you before that I’ve read up on why some anti depressants make us feel worse in the beginning. Not to go into details that I wont explain right, but essentially, it means the drug is starting to work, it’s adjusting neurotransmitter levels and the body has to adjust.. so keep saying to yourself, this is just your mind rebooting.

Also check to see if your local library has Everyday Mindfullness for OCD. It should help you get through this period and continue to help as time goes by. Also I always recommend the Oak app, it’s free, for breathing exercises. Try a few when you really feel the anxiety spike.

[Hidden in reply to 1uglychild]

Thanks....I am beyond and depressed and anxious. Every time I start a new drug I could jump out of my skin. Suicidal ideation is real. Hopefully I can hold it together, two years ago at this time if you had told me that I would be researching anti depressants for myself, going to therapy, etc., I would have said you were nuts. My life was perfect until trauma hit,,,I am now living in hell. Thank you for your suggestions ❤️

[1uglychild in reply to Hidden]

I’m really sorry about whatever you’ve suffered to bring you to this point. Please just always remember that others have been where you are, and are here for you. If I can make it through, you can too!

You can always come here for support as you make it through this rough patch. That’s what it’s going to be, a patch... but it feels so much worse than before because you’re anticipating feeling better and then wham, this drug makes it worse! Do everything you can to remind yourself this is just anxiety, this is just a side effect, and you are still you inside and you’ll be back soon. The best thing I did when I had that last anxiety from my prozac reboot, was stop and say to myself- this is just anxiety, this thought isn’t real, it’s not valid, it’s just made up. Let the thought go and give it no power, because whatever your thinking isn’t the world as it is, but what anxiety knows you fear. Always separate yourself from anxiety, it’s not you but an entity trying to control you. Take away its power so it doesn’t overwhelm you.

A side note too, I’ve taken both Prozac and Lexapro (maybe I went into this before). Both worked for the anxiety and ocd. I prefer Prozac for long term, but I found Lexapro way easier to start. For me it was like I couldn’t even think an anxious thought. In the rare case Prozac fails you, Lexapro is something you shouldn’t fear starting.

Just try to view each day as a battle won and each new morning as a step towards the end of the war.

[skorpious]

Had my Ocd (with intrusive thoughts) diagnosed over 20 years ago. The good news is I'm still here!

Currently taking Sertraline 100 mg and Diazepam 5mg once per day and found the mix to have best effect for me despite numerous warnings about long term use of benzo's. Recently started experimenting with CBD Oil with full knowledge of my consultant but too early to comment on efficacy.

My experience is that 'recovery' in it's true context is possible even probable in most cases but not to the extent of cure. You have to keep going through it with fortitude and of course meds and for some CBT ( not effective in my case) but recently I've had some real comfort uplift being able to talk about it either online or indeed in some cases with fellow sufferers.

All in all its a very challenging and often exhausting experience and in my case suicidal thoughts have been many and varied over the time I've suffered.

It's also quite bizarre that in exchanges with others that my understanding and even layman advice and support on the issue affords me an opportunity to bring reassurance and clarity in some fashion to others but fails in any measurable fashion to reduce my own anxiety on the matter.

Good luck and take care.

[sajax]

I find lately my only relief from debilitating worries is sleep so I never wanna wake up in morning cause it all hits me again. I really get that feeling

[Want2BHappy3]

Me on A Regular basis,. In the past I was even looking for a gun at one point, I was in so much Pain. Everything seemed so Dark. I got Medication that took those feelings away. But still daily I feel trapped, Overwhelmed. I find myself eating all day and night. This is affecting my health, I went to the doctor and had inflammation in my stomach. I HATE feeling this way.

[Want2BHappy3]

Yea, I have a friend whom I told about my anxiety, and said I could talk to her if I need too. We spoke yesterday morning and she got me all riled up by telling me something that I had already said I wasn't going to do. I'm not going to call her for awhile. Don't want to hurt our friendship. That's an example of why I don't tell anyone about my anxiety. Lately I've been having Bad headache's that's something that Raely happens and sometimes feeling Paralyzed. I really HATE feeling this way. I had a brother who committed suicide almost 40 years ago and I wonder what happens to make them want to do that??? Now I know, it's an unbearable suffocating feeling you want relief from and Suicide seems the Only way out???

[1uglychild]

Just remember it’s not what you want, you know you want to live. You want to feel better and that’s reason enough to keep going. You want to see a better future for yourself and you know it’s there. THAT is why you are trying these meds that make you feel like crap. If life wasn’t important to you, you wouldn’t put yourself though this. People who are truly suicidal just don’t care anymore.

Also try not to obsess with worry over this suicide “idea”. With OCD we pick up in something that terrifies us, for me it was hurting someone I love. I’d never hurt someone I love, but was obsessed that i for some reason would. Don’t pick up on the suicide concept and turn it into an obsession.

Does your doctor have a my chart system where you can send the doctor or nurse an email message? It might make you feel better if you sent a message saying how bad you feel and ask how many more days this should take. Or maybe even switch the anti anxiety drug.

[1uglychild]

After I wrote that response I thought some more about how you are feeling and I wanted to say that I have absolutely felt like I believe you are feeling, I’ve been there and been through it and saw a happier day. It was worth it to me. HOWEVER, I don’t know exactly how bad you are feeling, how serious your suicidal thoughts are, only you know exactly how strongly you feel it. If you feel like it’s something you might really do then please contact your doctor ASAP.

If you feel like a week more is unbearable, or that you are absolutely a danger to yourself, this does not mean prozac is the end for you. I had none of this with Lexapro, it was highly calming, almost a relief to an anxious mind. Since you seem to have similar chemistry to me (from the anxious response to prozac), it’s very possible Lexapro would give you the same highly calming response. A lot of people here take it and like it. I think both my step father and step brother take it for depression and have had almost no side effects.

So again, only you can evaluate how badly off you are right now, and how much longer you are willing to wait it out. But I do want you know that there are other things that can work for you if you have to make a change.