What to do today 😐

[Laniben]

I do hate the shaky feelings, when I first wake up I’m ok for a few minutes then it starts on and off, and then I get the weak feelings in my arms and a little burning. I do wake up with a sudden start sometimes in the morning, don’t think that helps either. So I went to the shop and got some eggs to go with my salad later. What to do today I’m wondering.

I can’t stay indoors all day, and yet the other day when I had that panic has made me feel a bit vulnerable at the moment, I just can’t seem to sit in my garden, yet if I sit in my neighbour across the road with her I’m fine, because I’m with someone and because she has a big open garden whereas mine is very tiny. Yet In my old house (20 yrs ago now) I was always outside doing something but then I had the family around me and it does make a lot of difference, to me being the social person that I am deep down inside. it’s weird how it works at times, we can often isolate ourselves from the very thing we don’t like - loneliness. When I was out all the time I’d chat to anyone whether it was at the bus stop, on the bus, or in a shop. Someone would say something and the next thing you know you could be chatting away like you’ve known them for ages. I didn’t realise how much I hated my own company until I was in this situation. Does that sound stupid?

[Jaxs050783]

I Hate being alone I feel totally isolated but then again I can feel like that if I got loads of mates and family around

[Laniben in reply to Jaxs050783]

I sort of know what you mean, maybe because you’re on edge and trying hard to be you but don’t feel you if that makes any sense, not sure?

[Laniben in reply to Jaxs050783]

I didn’t mean you specifically, its probably how a lot of us feel or have felt sometimes

[Jaxs050783 in reply to Laniben]

I know what u mean.

Its weird how I want to be around people but then again I want to be alone???!!!

[Laniben in reply to Jaxs050783]

Yes, I want to be around people, mainly people I know and family though, but I can sometimes

Feel uneasy but I think I’d prefer that than indoors on my own. I feel I’ve got to try something even if it’s only for a couple of hours at least.