Please help me

[SxufferingSxoul]

Hello, my name is Sarah and I am 16 years old. I have been suffering from major depressive disorder and Generalized Anxiety disorder along with Hypochondriasis aka health anxiety for over eight years now. But as those years passed by the physical symptoms have been getting worse and worse to the point that it has convinced me that I am either dying or have some horrible heart/lung disease. It all happened when I was 8 and my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, it put me in a state of shock that I’m still in apparently since the worrying and anxiety about her manifest themselves into physical symptoms such as severe difficulty breathing, pounding heart, dizziness, feeling as if I am breathing through my ears. These symptoms started getting wayyyy worse this year, from trouble swallowing food and even water, to extreme trouble breathing while eating or simply chewing.

Everytime I stand up my vision goes half black and blurry, My heart pounds super strongly but not so fast, my breathing gets hard and I feel like I’m breathing through my ears. I get the sudden feeling that something blocked my throat.

I used to go with my mom to this one seaside area for a 5km walk, and always managed to complete it without any trouble. But then one time, I was going for a walk and realized something unusual, I haven’t even walked a km in and I started feeling tired, the exact symptoms I talked about started creeping in and were worse than ever. Except nausea was involved this time, a weird feeling in the back of my neck that seemed to restrict my breathing. All sorts of awful symptoms. I don’t even know if I should call it an anxiety attack! It felt like a lung disease creeping in at it’s worst form. Since that traumatizing moment, I entirely avoided that place, and avoided long walks because I keep assuming that if I try to exercise by walking again, the exact same thing will happen or maybe even ten times worse to the point I might get into respiratory attack or even die. The day that happened, I came back home, I don’t know how I survived that but I came back home and everything went to normal.

A couple of weeks ago, these symptoms worsened every time I stood up then all of a sudden my breathing gets as hard as it when you choke on something except I didn’t. My mom rushes me to the clinic and to a doctor quickly, the doctor used a stethoscope to check my lungs and heart only to tell me that there is nothing wrong, and that I am not asthmatic. She finally admitted in the end that she knew right away that what I was having was an “anxiety attack” when I walked in, but I couldn’t believe that, I couldn’t believe and still can’t believe that anxiety causes symptoms that severe! The doctor tried convincing me that there is nothing wrong with my heart or lungs. I remember how all these years my mom and I kept visiting all sorts of health specialists to check for a disease and of course they all tell me that everything is perfectly fine. Yeah, totally believable. I remember how I always worried if I had an undiscovered disease, I still worry about it.

It’s getting to the point that I am avoiding every single place, and that I’d rather just stay home. It’s getting to the point where I would hate to stay alone at home or nap when I’m home alone because I worry that I might have to go to the ER or get a heart attack, or even die! It’s getting to the point where I am avoiding eating or drinking because I can never drink or ear without these lung and throat symptoms creeping up on me. There are so many times where I get these physical symptoms without a pounding heart and it’s what absolutely convinces me that it’s not anxiety, it’s a disease. I have switched medications almost ten times now, nothing works. Nothing freaking works. I can’t stand living through this hell. Right now, I am worried about nothing but my health, and dying. These symptom attacks scare me so much and make these thoughts worse, I have recently started self-harming. My one and only wish is to live a normal life again, be able to breathe normally, be able to go somewhere without carrying an inhaler when I am not even asthmatic, or something that relieves my trouble breathing. I have tried relaxation methods, I have tried to breathe in deeply, but how can I try breathing in deeply when I’m suffocating and can hardly take non-deep breaths? These symptoms are driving me nuts, I am slowly losing sanity every day. Please help me, tell me that I am not alone. Thank you for reading this. Is this all seriously just anxiety??

[ellsluna]

Hi there, I suffer from exactly the same thing as you!! I have severe hypochondria and convince myself multiple times a day that I have various illnesses. I carry round an inhaler as I feel like I can’t breathe a lot of the time. Please try not to worry, I know that the intrusive thoughts can convince you that you are unwell or have a disease, but it is all just the anxieties that you suffer with that are making you feel this way. I’m sorry to hear you feel this way and hope you find some relief soon x

[SxufferingSxoul in reply to ellsluna]

I’m glad to know that someone can relate to me ;-; I hope that the both of us find relief soon and anyone else who suffers from that x

[SxufferingSxoul in reply to ellsluna]

Do you tend to avoid times that require too much walking or any form of exercise because of the breathing issue?

[ellsluna in reply to SxufferingSxoul]

It depends on how anxious I’m feeling on the day. If I’m feeling quite anxious I will avoid anything that could be a trigger for my breathing issue, like exercise or walking uphill

[dilsohajgrewal]

I feel the same but the intensity is less as compared. You arent alone.

[Hidden]

We have a lot in common. You’re not alone. Message me if you need to!

[SxufferingSxoul in reply to Hidden]

I’m honestly relieved to hear that, thank you so much <3 well noted.

[Calm_mama]

Hi Sarah,

I'm so sorry you've been going through all of this! It's so very hard, I know.

My suggestion is to first read this together with your mom: anxietycentre.com/anxiety-s...

I could have written your post from your mom's perspective 2 years ago. My daughter's story is truly identical to yours. She was 14. She is now almost 17 and doing really, really well.

My other suggestions:

-Therapy for sure. It's the best. Find a CBT or DBT therapist who really knows anxiety!

-Talk to your doc about possibly taking a med to help nudge you in the right direction, but of course with your parents' approval. Not an easy decision to go on a med but a little SSRI often helps people. My daughter is on a pinch of Lexapro and it's been very helpful for her. (I've been on it before, too)

-Feel free to check out my profile where I list the resources my daughter and I both used to recover from anxiety. Others here will have their favorites. No quick fix. It's a lot of work. It's 100% worth it. On thing I have listed there I would definitely recommend for you: jonabram.web.unc.edu/files/...

- Read through posts here and lean on people. Lots of success stories. Lots of amazing people here with tons of empathy, support and love to help you along the way. You are by no means alone

- it's my understanding that there's a facebook group for adolescents with Anxiety and there may even be one specifically for health anxiety (?) The more support you get, the better IMO.

Check back in soon?

Hugs~

[SxufferingSxoul in reply to Calm_mama]

Hello, I am really glad to hear that your daughter is doing well! Thank you so much for sharing these links with me, I will be sure to go through them with my mom. I will talk to my doctor about going on a different med, but the problem is that I have tried so many SSRI’s, they usually work for a while but the physical symptoms always comes back at their worst forms. Thank you so much once again!

[Jklvg9]

It’s anxiety kiddo. Trust me. Everything you’re describing is 100% anxiety. All your tests have come back with good news, no physiological issues. I used to think anxiety couldn’t possibly make me feel what i felt: the nausea, dizziness, electric zaps through my brain, fast heart rate, intrusive thoughts, etc. but every single test kept coming back normal. It took me months before i was able to finally just say yknow what screw it the tests say im good so im good and if something happens oh well because i just want to live. It’s hard for people to understand and accept anxiety is so powerful. But it is. Chronic stress releases so much cortisol into your body and really affects your adrenal glands, gastrointestinal system, and sleep cycle. It sends your body into fight flight or freeze mode except your body has no legitimate reason for it. When your body is pumped with so much stress and gets less sleep or poor diet and youre constantly bogged down with negative thoughts and worries, your body will tell you that you need to take care of yourself and destress. When you have a cut, it hurts and thats ur body saying hey take care of me. When ur stressed out, anxiety and all the somatic symptoms are ur bodys way of saying hey take care of me. What got me to give less power to the worries that i was dying was that i told myself every single time a symptom came up again that i had made it this far and nothing had happened. I had this symptom already before X amount of times and it was horrible for me and i thought i was dying in each of those situations, BUT in retrospect, nothing had actually happened. At all. Orher than me freaking out. So i began to give less reactions when symptoms came up. Id do my best to carry on and focus elsewhere so that way i had the power, not my symptoms. And little by little, it worked. It really worked. Your responses and reactions to the symptoms are vastly important to how you cope. Hang in there kiddo. Youre not alone

[jandlinaz]

Oh sweetie, I know what you are going through. Probably, all of us on this site do. And NO, you're not alone. It easy to tell yourself it's just anxiety, but, the reality is much different. There's nothing I nor anybody else can tell you to make it magically go away. Just try to understand the condition and how it affects you. It will get better. And most importantly, remember, we are all here for you. : )

[Kkimm]

Hi Sarah.

It really is anxiety. So hard to go through at your age. My heart goes out to you.

I have been through many of the same symptoms and am now fully recovered 22 months down the line. But I did not go through the sadness you have had to with your mum at such a young age. You are very brave and will recover I am sure.

I recovered mainly through antidepressants.

You mentioned you have tried lots of different medications. Have you been able to remain on any of them for a very long period, say at least a year. That is what is needed to really give them chance to work properly. It is so hard when you first go on them and they often make you feel alot worse before you can start to feel better but I think they are the answer for you with your level of anxiety but you have to stick at them and increase the dose as needed. A very short period of Benzodiazapines may also be needed if you find it too hard to go through the early stages. Unlike antidepressants you cannot take these for long however as they will stop working and are addictive but are fine if you stick to the prescribed dose and can make you feel less anxious within hours.

Think about going back to your doctor and asking them to help you find the antidepressant that is likely to be best for you. You will be best if you can have therapy alongside this. CBT is usually the most effective and hopefully will be available to you. If it isn't try looking for excercises in this to help you online.

I am sure you will get better with medication but it is very hard at first and you will need support 24 hours a day at first.

You are so brave to be fighting this at your age.

Try to take little steps everyday and tell yourself you are getting better each time you achieve a little step then do something relaxing like curling up on the sofa with a cup of hot chocolate and tell yourself how well you are doing.

My thoughts and best wishes to you and everyone with mental health problems. There are alot of us out there and it is so hard to deal with when you are so young.

Kim