Why do I feel the need to be needed?

[sue-1]

Hi, I'm new here, and this is a question I ask, because when I am needed I feel worthy. I have an older brother who lives far away and we have skyped practically every day for quite along time. Just recently, he decides he doesn't want to skype me as much and I feel an uneasy sense of sadness. This happens to me in relationships too...It seems I only feel happiness and love when somebody needs me. I feel lonely and depressed! What is the answer?

[kenster1]

hi and welcome to you.i think its great that you managed to skype your brother everyday for a long period of time.no matter if its once twice a week he will still be your loving brother and reducing the skyping wont change that.if your single why don't you try the dating game get yourself out with a friend you never know.

[sue-1 in reply to kenster1]

Hi and thank you for your reply. You really helped me see that I was just overreacting because I know he loves me.

[JAYnLA]

Hey Sue. Careful not to pathologize the desire to help people. It really is the greatest gift we have to give. Honestly, the only upside to the anxiety I've been dealing with is what I've learned and the ability to pass it on to others who need it.

[sue-1 in reply to JAYnLA]

Hi and thank you for your reply. It feels good to know that I am not alone and am able to talk about my feelings.

[Sunnidayz1]

We all need to feel that we are needed. It's like we all need love and compassion.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal.

[sue-1 in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Thank you for your reply.

[Clarrisa]

I liked the wording my doctor used recently in their progress note. I lost “multiple social supports”. Although you haven’t lost your brother it feels like decreased significant social support to you perhaps.

Some people find it more difficult to maintain long distance relationships. My mother found it that way. Maybe Skyping isn’t quite the same as personal contacts are for your brother.

I struggle with those type of feelings you mentioned too. I went in therapy when younger & was told that I didn’t like to be disliked but I didn’t like to be liked too much either. A family member can be safer, as you have already worked that out over the years, or so you like to think.

A brother gave me a book around that time called “How to Love Yourself”. Is he trying to tell me something?! I will try to read it now that I have more time on my hands & post if it is of any help.

[sue-1]

Thank you Clarissa for your insight. You really touched on it, because that is exactly how I felt. I don't get out much and having my brother on skype everyday gave me comfort and interaction. He is the only person in my family that I talk too, so when he decided that he was too busy to skype me as often as I would like I got very hurt and upset, like I was losing him.

I can get very attached to certain people, especially when they show interest in me, and I don't like change. I just want things to stay the way they were.

I'll have to check that book out "How to love yourself", because I really don't know how to love myself. It's like if I'm not in a relationship I feel lonely. Growing up I didn't feel loved by my parents, so when I was old enough I went looking for it in men.....I would find it temporarily in the beginning of a relationship, what they call "The love bubble". So when that bubble bursts, It's like a never ending quest to find that loving feeling again. I know that sounds crazy.

[Alipipips]

Maybe you should see physiologist to help find out why you feel the way you do, it usually means there is a void within that needs to be filled, maybe if f you do some type of volunteer work it will help with you fill the gap

[sue-1 in reply to Alipipips]

Thank you for your reply....I thought about that and I am going to help volunteer at a senior center a few days a week.