Back on drink after six years!

I've been on and off for the last year. I have been able to control it really well. Today is the first day where I have had to order more drink in before what I have has ran out. The fear of not having drink in the house. It's taken ages for this kind of craving to come back. I'll have to stop again. But not yet! I've got so many creative things done. More in 5 weeks than 5 years! I don't want it to stop. I also taking benzos and OXY with this. It's a huge risk but I'm too old to care now. Life is very very long! (For me)

[HearYou]

JakeFukk. My man, sometimes one doesn't quit, but that doesn't mean you failed. Time to easy that pedal up from the metal slowly if necessary. Mixing the meds with the alcohol is NOT a good match, actually very contrary, very deadly.....and you know that. You will only stop when you make up your mind too. Anybody nearby to turn to, to talk to, to cover your back when you need to talk with someone at 3 a.m.? You and I have talked privately too long for you to stop talking to me now. I've been only getting the digest instead of daily posts due to medical issues, physical therapy again, fighting the lack of coverage of a health insurance...well you get the picture. I just didn't have enough water left in my well to offer anything helpful to others. But I do catch a few moments here and there where I worry about you and just decide I won't take a drink of that water in my well...and I'll offer it to you, so I hope it helps you put one drink down.

Hear You (& lawdog)

[Hidden in reply to HearYou]

Hi. Sorry I missed that supportive message. I don't use this app on other iPads as I don't like to think about my illness all the time. I don't have people to turn to and my self care has become dreadful. I've just done my PIP form. How are you?

[Indigojoe]

get a hold of your therapist, or get one by night fall tomorrow.

It is easier to get yourself back in the game sooner rather than later.

You have your reasons for doing this, challenge them, with a professional who can guide you back to yourself.

[Hidden in reply to Indigojoe]

Thanks. I was fine. I have up again like I did he last time. I have no desire to do it now. I had six years...feels like that again. I just slot back into that place again. How are you?

[Indigojoe in reply to Hidden]

Jake, tell me again what happened. I didn't understand.

[Hidden in reply to Indigojoe]

I think I said I was sober again.

[Shadow123-]

Hi friend. I lost my partner 2 yrs ago to alcohol.... it has been the most horrible 2 yrs and i still can't believe he's gone.

You sound quite blasè in your post but I believe you are hurting badly. I was a heroin addict from when i was 18 to 40 yrs old. Now 52 and clean. You know you are playing with fire and i dont know how old you are but I am seriously worried for you. In your pic you look young but obv that could be anyone.

Please at least go to your docs and explain - did something happen to trigger yr relapse ?

You know you can do it and stay off - that's amazing. Please do something cos the longer u leave it my friend the harder it will be to quit again.

Wishing you peace love and life.

Shadow 🌻

[Hidden in reply to Shadow123-]

Thanks for message. I'm at risk for substantial harm most days and often for two weeks 24 hours a day as I have bipolar and another emotional regulation issue around others people. I'm at suck high risk of harm, what I mentioned was nothing compared to how I have to live. Just glad to still be around. Just have to get more support now as my self care has been awful. I'm sober again anyway. 😀

[Shadow123- in reply to Hidden]

Really glad to hear that. Keep strong pal

[SirGrits]

Hey Jake the struggle never ends does it. Like reputations, you can get it right consistently forever, or 6 years, and it only takes once to mess it up. I agree that getting back in to abstaining quickly is the way to go. My guess is that you know all of this deep down, which is why the cry for help here. Don't give up, you've got this as you've shown these past years. I really encourage you to contact your most trusted supporting friend or family and reconnect with your Dr / professional. God speed.

[Hidden in reply to SirGrits]

I don't find dr's are helpful at all with drink issues. Even my own! But I like him and he has respect for that six years....and that Ian sober again. Not intention to do it. I'm thin again, ended my love with sugar after 30 years so don't want the hassle of drinking! Hope you are cool!

[art62grammie]

I have been a severe Anorexic since age 14. I am now 56. I started my treatment just six years ago. This was the first time too. I have never been an alcoholic. I have friends that have been. I do know as a recovered Anorexic as a lifelong illness. If I listen to the voices that go with Anorexia I will be back to square one. So I fight daily not to go back to that hell. I am saying that once you crack open the bottle you are back to square one. You take charge of your life. You are in control now. I believe in you. Love and concerns go out to you. FIGHT LIKE HELL. I DO DAILY. After 40 years of the mental illness of Anorexia, I am recovered and no longer in prison to that illness. I AM FREE. YOU CAN BE THERE TOO.

[Hidden in reply to art62grammie]

Good post! This is such a weird time to read your post. The chances of anyone talking about anorexia would be quite slim, but you did. I had only just wrote above to another person that I was 'thin' again and then read your comment right under! The time it took to post again was many weeks ago now but i post today and see your old message.

Synchronicity! I'm not underweight yet but I'm the Less I have ever been. I like the look. Are you ok?

[art62grammie]

I am great. I thank you for asking. I will recover each day. After being ill for forty years. It is a process to stay recovered. Many do not recover. I am a fighter. I do have PTSD from my childhood. I am doing fine with that too.

[Hidden in reply to art62grammie]

I find that I had loads of people to forgive from my childhood. Clearly, I never met the abuser but I did forgive him in my mind and I'm letting them go....one by one. Hope you are doing well. Wish you only well.