A bit of ridiculous humor re: my health anxiety

[pumpkinbagel]

My anxiety (specifically, my overwhelming, life-ruining fear of cancer) sneaks in and ruins my day in the most ridiculous of ways sometimes.

For example, I ordered a pot pie at a restaurant a while back, and what was placed in front of me was the photo above. Of course, my brain could see nothing but a cancer awareness ribbon on the top of my pie and my mind went spiraling into thoughts about how the universe was trying to warn me, as it always does, that there definitely *is* some kind of cancer lurking in my body (I do not get excessive or repeated tests like many hypochondriacs because I actually have a terrible fear of doctors and hearing "the bad news")

*rolls eyes* this is such a ridiculous condition.

[EleanorRose]

I absolutely relate - I have the fear of ‘hearing the bad news’ , I have never been to the doctors about any of my health fears - almost all cancer related too! I too have spotted similar ‘signs’ (even though rational me is very pragmatic and doesn’t believe in such things)

But we are both still here and alive

[pumpkinbagel in reply to EleanorRose]

Yep, I like to tell myself that I don’t believe in such things, but it always triggers my anxiety. After posting this I went to get my mail and saw a bright pink envelope... some breast cancer awareness packet. Then just now on Instagram, another breast cancer ad. It’s everywhere. My mom had breast cancer at 64. She is morbidly obese, sedentary to the point of almost immobile, inflammations of some sort her whole life, sleep apnea, horrid diet... growing up she was ALWAYS talking about health woes, ALWAYS sick and projecting it onto me. Now that she has had BC she is certain that “I am next” and won’t leave me alone about it.

I’m 35, I exercise every single day, have a good diet and I am thin as a rail. I have never had any chronic health concerns. Yet even though my health and lifestyle is nothing like my mothers, her words cut deep... I feel like it IS coming for me, and my life is spent being sick with fear.

I was early 20s when she was diagnosed and I remember her saying “go get tested!! NOW!!” As if it was some kind of flu I could catch just because she had it.

Sorry for the vent.

(My mom had a full panel of genetic testing from an actual genetics center and was negative for BRCA and other cancer markers)

[Icanbeathis2016]

First off, forgive me for being so tickled by this post. Not because I think you are overthinking but simply because I am exactly as you are. And yes this whole photo and scenario I too would have went haywire in my mind as well.

Lol. I cannot begin to tell you how my mind have traveled many miles off the face of the earth with irrational thoughts and thinking EVERYTHING is a sign from God that something bad is gonna happen or come. And I cannot begin to mention the horrid and scary thoughts of every cancer idea has come to plague me. So much that I convince myself of nothing but cancer scares. And don't let me hear of someone else's cancer situation. I am then completely zoned in on it and can't get away from the thoughts that I am next. I have so many funny(wasnt so funny when I was in tunnel vision tho) stories of so called "signs" that I got that I could write a comic book.

Just wanted you to know I undertand. This made my night. 😕😁

[pumpkinbagel in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

I'm glad it gave you a giggle - anything to experience a genuine smile while dealing with this horrid anxiety is welcome, yeah? Thank you so much for your reply and for sharing your own experiences with your mind spiraling out of control. It really is a comfort to hear that others are feeling the same way. Like you, I also can't hear about anyone else's cancer situation... I attach my reality to theirs and I am convinced there's no way I'm getting through this life, the next 10 years, the next week... without it getting me.

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to pumpkinbagel]

Yes, I know what you mean. And for me I get so discouraged after convincing myself of these thoughts that I cry about it. I have two daughters so it really gets me emotional when I am constantly convincing myself that I won't make it to see my kids grow old or thst I won't live to fulfill anything I desired to have.

Literally sometimes I wonder if I'll make it through the next day. But I will continue to pray. I do have better days that helps me to say to myself that "it's gonna be alright." But like you say this anxiety is horrid and my mind really spirals out of control and so quickly sometimes.

[Lanno]

I know the feeling only too well, you're not alone - not that that is any consolation!

[pumpkinbagel in reply to Lanno]

It definitely is! Knowing we're not alone helps!

[jojokdz]

I too have the fear of dying.. That fear comes up everyday. Then it starts my adrelane to go thru the roof, and the anxiety takes over. Do you ever get like you can't breathe? This shows me the emotional triggers of anxiety can and does affect me physically as well...

[Vgrady76]

I absolutely know how your feeling, I don't want to scare you but I feel my story will calm you a little, so for the last 10years I have suffered from health aniexty, I mean really bad, I like you had a massive phobia of getting some sort of cancer, and then wham I got early stage Breast Cancer back in June of this year, I didn't inherit it from anyone, I just got it! I'm a 42 yr no drinking no smoking and not over weight but not under weight , so here's my advice don't let your health aniexty consume you, I'm still here had lump removed and radiotherapy and wham I'm cancer free, check your breasts regularly, early detection is key, it's very treatable, I to gate the doctors and hospitals but I had to do it....take care any questions feel free to ask x

[pumpkinbagel in reply to Vgrady76]

Thank you for your response but just be aware sharing experiences like this is extremely triggering to those with severe health anxiety. Last thing I needed to read during a bad morning.

For some more clarification for why this shouldn’t be the way to respond to someone suffering with anxiety - the take away from your message is: “BE VIGILANT!! Cancer can and does strike young people with no risk factors and you have to catch it early!! Live at the doctors! Get screened! Don’t let down your guard!! And if you catch it early the. Oh okay, you’ll likely recover. But don’t let your anxiety consume you okay? Take care”

See what I mean? I am giving a raw look into the mindset of someone consumed with health anxiety and why reading stories about the *exact* issue that can send me into days of panic attacks isn't exactly helpful.

If you have to begin a response to someone with 'I don't want to scare you, but...' you should probably stop right there.

[Megsamoo]

This describes me to the tee!!!!! Thank you!!!! I struggle daily with commercials, seeing people that are going thru treatments, ads etc!! And I don’t go to md in “fear” of bad news!!!