I am in no way a doctor, infact I am a practasing embalmer (fear of death...face it straight on, right?)
I am 23. Since I was around 12 I had health anxiety. I lost everything. Myself...my personal look, my friends, 3 stone in weight....my life pretty much. I became bedridden. Anxiety has this beautiful symptom where you're dizzy most of the time. I had a fear of the dizziness so I decided to stay in bed all the time. I never left my house for 2 years. I lived of steamed vegetables because I was convinced my food (bought from the store) had all been poisoned.
I made many trips to the doctors. (There's nothing doctor's can do when you're batteling your own mind every day) apart from run tests to reassure you. I had an MRI, 4 ECGs, Holter monitor, blood tests, urine tests and and tests. All which came back fine. But did I believe I was fine ? No...I never...because I was still dizzy. I was still getting a horrid drilling sensation in my heart.I was still suffsuffering headaches and brain Zaps. I was still
suffering blurred vision and shoulder aches. So obviously I did not believe I was fine.
I cried all the time
I honestly thought I would end up in hospital...not because I was ill physically...but because I was riddled mentally.
Then one day...I don't know why but I sat up in bed and I thought (I can't live like this any more) which I couldnt. I began to think of suicide. Yes scared to die but not wanting to live or "exist" like this anymore.
The fear of death is worse than death itself.
What was I going to do ? Continue worrying over things I had no control of ? What is the point in that ?
Those years I spent locked away in my room...I will not get them back.
I started makeing an effort to go out there and live my life. I took up biology...I work in a funeral home. Bizzare turn of events aren't they ? To go from fearing to exploring.
All of the symptoms I suffered.
Unable to breathe
Heart that just would not settle, ever
Fever like symptoms
Feelings of collapse
When you have anxiety...your brain is a 24 hour radar. Every pain or sensation is intensified because you now have a weakened pain threshold.
When you constantly scan your body...you will eventually find something (something that's harmless) but in your mind it's cancer...or some weird undiscovered virus.
Batteling anxiety is tough....but batteling health anxiety...christ...you're trapped in your own body...the one thing you're afraid of and you can't get out.
Those who are getting up and facing this every day. Take my hat of to you. It's brave. And one day you will get over it. And when you are...nothing will ever scare you again.
Don't mean to lay down my life story here. I just see so want to explain that I had this....and I beat it....if I can...you can.
If anyone wants to ask me anything or are worrying please feel free to message.
Tips on how to deal with health anxiety
Don't google your symptoms...yes it's hard but don't ! Google ain't a doctor at all and if I type in headache (brain tumor will come up)
Drink water and eat healthy
Listen to music
Buy a cat
Don't listen to other people horror stories "yeah jimmy had what started off as a scratch and the virus just ate away his body and he died"
(People love scaring you with their unrealistic scaremongering stories) Ohhh they love it.
Make new friends
Repeated pointless trips to the doctor will feed your demons.
Get out and enjoy nature.
And....live your life. Enjoy your life. You were not born to sit and worry about things that are put of your control. What will happen...will happen. Don't spend everyday thinking (what if)
Sorry for my rant....I just had to get that of my chest.