Social anxiety

[3Dwaffle]

Over the past couple of months Ive developed social anxiety. Does anyone have the same problem? How do I stop it?

[Krn210]

I wouldn’t say that I have social anxiety, but there have been times in social settings that my anxiety flared. When my anxiety was really high most social situations freaked me out. I made myself go out. At first I had a plan. The plan was mostly that I could leave when needed. I dressed in cooler clothing so I didn’t have to worry about being hot and carried my water bottle with me. A few times I did cave and leave. I ended up getting so mad that I made myself stay after that. I thought ok here goes I’m going to pass out right here in the middle of all these people. Guess what? It didn’t ever happen. It was one of the toughest things I’ve done. Well worth it though as now I am able to go out and about as I please without rushing around. Take your time and reintroduce yourself into social situations. Remember you can leave at any point, but eventually you won’t feel like you have to.

[3Dwaffle in reply to Krn210]

Im glad to hear that, keep going. 😊

[Hollick]

yes, its awful...in short, the best solution to combat it is to get out there and actually converse with ppl, DON'T ISOLATE, do what you actually fear the most people...of course, SAD makes you want to do just the opposite, its a paradox...its not easy, the best of luck, be strong...I live by the mantra, 'this too shall pass'....

[Findingme]

I get this so I understand your fear, but here is a trick I have tried. When anxiety starts to hit, look around you and pick a person at random. Go up to them and ask them something about themselves. Listen closely to their answers. Try to think of 3 things to ask them about. Gradually you can transfer your focus to them rather than yourself. It doesn't make you instantly confident, but it can help get yourself out of the circular thinking that people are staring at you / talking about you / etc. One word of warning though. Try not to get too wrapped up in that person. Keep it light and move on if they do not ask you any questions back. This is about conversation, not interrogation.

[3Dwaffle in reply to Findingme]

I have a very low self-esteem. I cant imagine talking to a stranger. I dont want to look like weirdo. Have you tried to talk about your social anxiety with therapist or somebody?

[Findingme in reply to 3Dwaffle]

Well I hate to state the obvious but thats exactly what you are doing now, isn't it. You also do it every time you get on a bus, buy from a shop, talk on the phone to a rep from a phone supplier etc. Doing it face to face is harder, but not much different. If you find it awkward choose your questions in advance and then apply the ones which make most sense in the situation. Anyway, what is wrong with looking like a weirdo, some of my best friends are weirdos...only joking. What is worse though, looking as if you are being stand-offish and judging someone, or being kind enough to go up to them and chat and maybe not having the perfect line to say. What would you prefer if the boot was on the other foot. Do you judge everyone who talks to you?

[3Dwaffle in reply to Findingme]

No, I dont judge people. I respect people dearly.Nevertheless Im annoyed by some people attitude. Yesterday, I was traveling by train and after half and hour 3 ppl sat next to me. I was listening to the music and looking out of a window. Out of nowhere one of them starts to talk to me, asking me about departure time, delay etc I had to look up some information online. I was trying to be helpful and no, it didnt bother me at all. However I felt like a garbage when they left a coupe. They didnt sa Hi when they come or ask my one question in polite way or even say thank you and goodbye after all. Im always trying to give my 100% but the most people still treat me disrespectfully.

[Findingme in reply to 3Dwaffle]

You are going to get that from some people as not everyone sees the world the way you do. As a shop assistant I have come to realise that for some people being nice is merely expected of me, others see it as being friendly and respond well, some take it as an excuse to take advantage of their position as the customer and like to try it on, and some don't even want me to talk to them. Often it is a race / caste / snob thing. I have to accept that and I do change my approach a little as I am after all paid to deal with these people. If I did not have to put up with them I might react differently. You did not have to be nice to these people you mentioned as they were fellow travellers. How else might you have reacted to them at the time.

[3Dwaffle in reply to Findingme]

I worked as a shop assistant so I know what are you talking about.I was dealing with snob attitude or stupidity almost on daily basis. 😀 As you mentioned, it was my job, I was paid for that so I dealt with it. However, when I’m for example out and people are treating me like a garbage I feel insecure and Im often wonderingly If its about my appearance/clothes/something I said or what and I suddenly feel anxiety..Yes, you are right its was my choice to be nice to them and I don’t regret it. I want to live authentic life and this is who I am. I like smile at people, joking with them, be helpful and nice and I don’t want to change because somebody doesn’t like it. On the other hand when responses to my kindness are bad its killing me inside, i’m panicking, i feel sudden anxiety, I may“freeze” etc.. It may be related to my fragile self-esteem.

[3Dwaffle in reply to 3Dwaffle]

I understand that not everyone must like me but i’m paranoid and i always feel like they are treating me poorly because i don’t deserve anything good.Sometimes being treated poorly by some people is a breaking point for me.

[Findingme in reply to 3Dwaffle]

Definitely related to your low self-esteem in my view, or you would just write them off as arrogant A-holes, and carryon with your day. Perhaps you have had someone judge you and comment on you a lot, which can make you sensitive to what people think of you. It is a shame, as everyone has the right to be who they are and no-one has the right to try to change that. It is good you are writing about this as it is making me think about how I manage situations like this too, and I realised I too am very sensitive. Thanks.

[3Dwaffle in reply to Findingme]

Thank you, I think you may be right about something. I’m going to bring this topic to my next therapeutic session.Anyway, you gave me the impression that you have developed”thick skin” over the time and have started to suppress your true feelings to protect yourself from all of these negative/hurtful experiences you go through.I may be completely wrong about you as I don’t know you at all. Anyway, I wish you all the best, take care. ❤️

[Findingme in reply to 3Dwaffle]

I would not say I am suppressing my feelings about that. I suppress my feelings when my boss is deliberately rude to me which can fester and affect me, but I don't get too worked up about passing strangers. I tend to either be understanding that they may be having a bad day, or be badly brought up, or just let it go as it doesn't really affect me. If I reacted strongly to rude behaviour from customers they would probably complain to the company, and the customer is always right in such a situation.Just not worth getting worked up about. I do think I ought to be more reactive in my relationships though so people don't think they can give me the run around. My low self esteem and naturally introverted character tends to make me question myself first instead of reacting to their tone of voice or questioning whether thy are being unreasonable, then when I decide it was then the moment has passed. I would love some help in responding to rude comments quickly. without losing control.

[hayls_2001]

Hi there, I too suffer from severe social anxiety to the point where I throw up, which then makes my anxiety even worse! I get myself so worked up. I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t even have a normal dinner out with family without feeling sick to my stomach. It’s horrible, and I completely understand what you’re going through. Hope it gets better!

[3Dwaffle in reply to hayls_2001]

Im so sorry to hear that. This seems really serious. Have you tried therapy ?

[Findingme in reply to 3Dwaffle]

You know, this reaction to whatever or whoever it was that caused low self-esteem is much worse than many people can understand. The tension it creates really can make you sick, it reduces your enjoyment, kill your sense of humour, dampens your character and makes you a pale shade of who you really are. I don't know the cure but I have recently started doing breathing exercises which lowers the heart rate and helps me feel grounded. I can start getting my head together and keep things in proportion. Has anyone else used this and how has it changed you?