Sister is terrified of being alive. Please... - Anxiety Support

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Sister is terrified of being alive. Please Help.

Luce1594 profile image
35 Replies

My sister Ellie suffers with severe anxiety. We are not entirely sure what kind of anxiety as we believe she was misdiagnosed in the past. About six weeks ago her antidepressants were reduced too quickly. She is now suffering with severe side effects. She doesn’t leave the house. She is terrified of being alive. Everything scares her. It is crippling her life. She doesn’t want to be dead either. We have been to the doctor and she is currently on multiple waiting lists who say they cannot assist her until April next year. I don’t know what kind of state she will be in by next April. She gets worse every day. She is afraid to go to psychiatric hospitals in case she is unable to leave. If anyone has any suggestions on who we could talk to or where we could go I would be extremely grateful. At this point we are running out of options. We are based in Dartford, Kent. Thank you. Lucy

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Luce1594
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35 Replies
peanutbuttercup profile image
peanutbuttercup

This sounds like Agora1’s wheelhouse. She always knows the right thing to say. In the meantime before she Agora can respond what kind of medicine was she taking and how quickly did she come off it and why?

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply topeanutbuttercup

She was taking 37.5mg of venlafaxine. Essentially it wasn’t the dosage that changed. She was on tablets but she was switched over to caplets when she moved home from university. On the packet it is the same dose technically but the way the medication is put into the capsules means her body burns it off faster (if that makes sense). As a drug it usually only stays in the body for about 8 hours. So her body was burning it off faster for about 3 weeks. She then started to have severe withdrawals. Constant tremors, sleep deprivation, 3-4 panic attacks a day. She lost a stone in 2 weeks due to constant movement. Whilst the tremors have subsided, she is in a constant state of hysteria. She is terrified to up her tablets again in case this makes the situation worse. Coming off them completely is not an option. Having been on the drug myself before (and having been on various anti depressants over the years) they are particularly difficult to come off of. We’ve tried all the usual stuff like visiting the GP. He wants to up her tablets which she is too scared to do. She is seeing a therapist once a week but I’m concerned that she needs some kind of immediate action.

gggg123 profile image
gggg123

Go see your GP and get an emergency appointment, a family member will need to speak to the GP when she is there to be able to get her back on medication at the right dose. If that is no good go to your local A&E in Kent, they generally have people able to help but your sister may be admitted for her own safety.

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply togggg123

She was never on an incorrect dose they just switched her from tablet to caplet form. Which she had for 3 weeks. Due to the way the drug is put into the caplets she burned it off faster. As the drugs typically only last 8 hours a dose, her body wasn’t getting enough of the medication. Initial withdrawal were constant tremors, 3-4 panic attacks a day, weight loss and sleep deprivation. We’ve already seen the GP for an emergency appointment and they were little help. They just advised to up her medication again which she is terrified will make the situation worse. A&E is not an option. She can barely leave the house for 5 minutes without becoming a hysterical mess. She couldn’t handle being sat in an emergency waiting room for hours upon end. We are currently looking into clinics to see if they would be of more help.

peanutbuttercup profile image
peanutbuttercup in reply toLuce1594

37.5mg is the lowest dose available. I wouldn’t think it would dent full blown panic attacks at that level. What did the GP want to go up to?

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply topeanutbuttercup

only 75mg. But she’s been reducing them for ages. If she goes back up to a high dose again we will be back at square one.

peanutbuttercup profile image
peanutbuttercup in reply toLuce1594

Ahh, got it. I’ve heard Ven is a pain in the rear to get off. Remind your sister that part of her increased anxiety is because her brain is adjusting to the reduced medicines. You’ll probably need to reassure her about a zillion times a day in the beginning. Also, remind her ( also about a zillion times a day at the beginning) that this anxiety is being fed just like gasoline on a fire by all the remembering of past panic attacks and all the what if’s about the future “what if this continues forever” “what if I go outside and have a panic attack” . So remind her a zillion times that the past attacks weren’t as bad as her mind is portraying and the future is much brighter. So she needs to interrupt that negative thought cycle that includes all the what if’s etc.

Lastly, remind yourself about a zillion times that you are a very very good sister to her.🙂

Post back and let us know how it is going.

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply topeanutbuttercup

It’s not panic attacks she’s overthinking. She is terrified constantly. She has a huge fear of death. She cries all the time that she will one day die and everyone around her will die and she can’t stop it. She is completely irrational with everything. That is what I’m struggling with most. Nothing I say gets through to her. As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression myself (and I’m not in the most stable place I hasten to add) I find it very draining sometimes. I want her to get better but I don’t want to go down with her. I can’t afford to I’m in the final year of my degree and I have a job. My life can’t stop as well. No matter how much reassurance with give her nothing seems to help and I’m running out of options.

Bunny2020 profile image
Bunny2020 in reply toLuce1594

it sounds like she needs to completely detox from those drugs.....get off them completely and go through the withdrawal and see how she feels then....then have a complete physical with THYROID AND ADRENAL TESTING ......and see what is causing the underlying issues......that is what I would do if I was in her situation....

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply toBunny2020

I agree but right now she wouldn’t function without the drugs. She’s barely coping with them right now. But that’s something to think about when she’s come off them though!

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943

ggg123 is right. Your sister's anxiety is overwhelming and she needs immediate relief, not talking therapy in 5 months time. She needs an emergency appointment with her GP and should be taking the med that was controlling her anxiety. As she is on a low dosage an increased dosage is sensible and you should explain to your sister that thie higher dose recommended by your GP is the normal dose and is not a high dose. Specify tablet form and not capsules for the reasons you give.

You could also ask your GP for a small prescription of diazepam/valium tranquilliser to be taken only as needed until the higher dosage if her normal medication in tablet form kicks in.

Things will improve for your sister but it will take a little time so you have to ride the tiger until the medication brings her respite but it will be O.K. before too long.

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply toJeff1943

I feel like she will ultimately end up on higher medication again. That said I don’t know if the drugs that were initially helping her when she was struggling with a normal level of anxiety will be enough this time. She’s had anxiety and been on high dosages before but that is nothing compared to the full scale nervous breakdown she’s currently experiencing. She already had an emergency appointment with the GP and he didn’t do much. She has diazepam which she has been taking for years but she can’t be taking that every single day. She’s having an appointment with her therapist tomorrow. We are looking into taking her to a CBT clinic nearby. The biggest problem is her fear of life. She’s had CBT before and it has worked in the past, I’m just hoping they can help.

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply toLuce1594

You can't use diazepam every day forever, but now is the time to use it on a daily basis, that is what it is for, see if it helps, it should.

b1b1b1 profile image
b1b1b1 in reply toJeff1943

I meant his longer answer.

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply tob1b1b1

Thing is though when you are dependent on medication it is very scary. I’m not sure if you have ever been on antidepressants yourself but feeling reliant on tablets to function makes you feel like crap. In my experience with medication it only ever made me worse. She is going to therapy and whilst medication could help, surely that would set back all the progress she’s made with the reduction. It took so long for her to comfortably reduce it. Surely there must be another solution than to pump her full of more meds which quite frankly weren’t working in the first place at any dose.

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply toJeff1943

You may be right Jeff. But our mum got a huge stomach ulcer from taking too many tablets. How do you suppose I convince a person who is terrified of just about everything to do something that the packet specifies she should not?

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply toLuce1594

Nobody likes taking medications to achieve normal health but anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds have meant the difference between a living hell and feeling normal enough to continue with life for millions of people.

If you are going blind with glaucoma you take a med to lower your eye pressure.

If you have diabetes you take a med that controls your blood sugar level.

If you have sky high blood pressure you take a med to stop you having a stroke or heart attack.

If you have overwhelming anxiety or depression you take a med to make you feel normal.

No different for depression than it is for diabetes etc. Simple as that.

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply toJeff1943

I understand your point Jeff. But as someone that has literally had very negative effects from taking antidepressants for six years you can imagine my skepticism. The similarly happens to my sister. She is ok for perhaps a month and then she is worse than she was before upping her dosage. Antidepressants only do what they’re meant to a good 50% of the time. I got so bad on mine that I nearly ended my life. I know you’re trying to get me to see your point but it really isn’t that simple for some of us.

Jeff1943 profile image
Jeff1943 in reply toLuce1594

Clearly you and other members of your family have had bad experiences with antidepressants and believe that you serve your sister's interests best by protecting her from these meds. In fact your posts read as if getting your sister off all meds is the objective rather than finding an antidepressant that overcomes her bad feelings.

25 years ago I was crippled with anxiety and I took 3 x 25mg Amitriptyline (an older syle antidepressant that also relieves anxiety). Within 3 weeks I was feeling normal again and there were no side effects except a slight tendency to dry mouth. I was able to hold down my job and look after my family which I certainly wouldn't have been able to do without it.

This I would say is the normal outlook for people taking anti- anxiety/antidepressant meds.

Indigojoe profile image
Indigojoe in reply toLuce1594

Luce, you don't convince your sister, at this point of anything.

You were lovely to reach out for advice to help her. You are a good and kind sister.

She will get the help she needs if her therapist is aware of what you are telling us.

Her therapist will be her advocate.

Indigojoe profile image
Indigojoe in reply toLuce1594

Your sister needs a THERAPIST, ( not a sister ), to help her" navigate these waters" she is in.

Every one of us responding here, knows what you are talking about, personally.

Your sister has a reason she is doing what she is doing, and peanutbuttercup reassured you that she was on the lowest dose so her response to the change in the medicines seems dramatic and worthy of professional care.

Hysteria has a life of it's own and breaking that cycle will feel much better for all of you.

LUCE1594, your sister is going to be OKAY!.

I promise you.

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply toIndigojoe

I hope you are right. She is seeing the therapist today and the doctor tomorrow. The doctor will knowingly up her medication. I’m just very overprotective of her as with my own conditions medication essentially ruined my life and made my mental health worse for six years (to the point that I ran away from home and nearly died). I just want her to get better and right now it’s just getting worse every day.

Indigojoe profile image
Indigojoe in reply toLuce1594

luce, the BEST thing you can do for your sister, is to take very good care of yourself right now.

b1b1b1 profile image
b1b1b1 in reply toJeff1943

Jeff's answer says it all.

mydogs profile image
mydogs

Dear Luce how I envy your sister to have someone so understanding in her life.I am like her I am really scared of everything every pain and twinge is in my mind something terminal I am so scared I won’t even go to my GP for check ups in case he finds out I have got another illness and at the moment that would send me into a complete breakdown.I feel so sorry for your sister it is a horrible state of mind to be in and life is so scary I hope you both start to feel better soon, Patxx

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply tomydogs

Hi Pat. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through a similar problem. Are you still getting out of the house and doing things you enjoy? I went through a similar thing when my paranoia got particularly bad one year. I promise a doctor is only there to help you. If you are having negative physical symptoms you should see your GP after all they can only help if they know what is wrong. It’s definitely worth looking into therapy or CBT I found these to be hugely helpful. Luce xx

Indigojoe profile image
Indigojoe in reply tomydogs

Mydogs,

I REALLY understand what you are talking about. ( I'm headed to the dentist now, ( and stalling here )) for exactly what you wrote about above.

maboyling profile image
maboyling

Hi Luce do look after yourself my lovely, it's brilliant what you are doing for your sister but you will make yourself I'll .you are already run down worrying about her as well as trying to cope with your own health issues. The right help is out there my love you cannot do it all yourself sweetheart. Like slot of us I suffer from anxiety it's so hard but I just try to keep going,. I wish you and your sister well .lots of love 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply tomaboyling

Thank you so much for your kind words. On top of everything else I am currently being harassed by a former friend of mine. She became very toxic to my life and I blocked her on everything. Since then she has contacted people who are close to me (including my sister) and tried to manipulate them. She has sent me death threats, threatening voicemails and this is worrying everyone in my family. My sister is terrified that she will show up at our house. She is blocked on everything but still finds ways to contact me. My friend in the police says I should report her but this could lead to her getting arrested and I don’t want to fuel the fire. I can’t get a restraining order without going to court. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?

maboyling profile image
maboyling

Lots

Indigojoe profile image
Indigojoe

wHat ever happened to your sistee

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply toIndigojoe

She got some CBT and private therapy, changed her medication and is now in a much better place. She's doing really well. She just got a job she really wanted. We are on holiday atm she has had a few tremors and anxious spells but nothing compared to last year. Thank you for checking in!

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply toLuce1594

So happy to hear that Luce...Wishing your sister well.

Enjoy your holiday :) xx

Luce1594 profile image
Luce1594 in reply toAgora1

Thank you so much xx

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply toLuce1594

Luce, take care of yourself as well :) xx

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