Looking for support...

[Lu2356]

So right now, I am beyond frustrated and feel alone. I can’t seem to find people that will give me the support that I need. Maybe I can get some support here.

My mom is terminally ill. She has cirrhosis. I have felt so alone with my emotions and my thoughts. Family wants me to get over things and not dwell on them. Easy for them bc they didn’t experience my life as a kid. Granted the past is gone, but it has also made me who I am now.

People just don’t understand. My mom has always been the one I go to. We had a love/hate relationship, but we always gravitated towards one another. I love her and know that I will miss her tremendously. I also realize that part of died when my dad passed away. She was with him till his death. She went into a shock and had to be rehabilitated until she was ok again. She was never the same. I don’t blame her.

Right now she is suffering with all the meds and not eating as she should. She is on her journey to what I believe is my dad, grandparents, but most importantly God. I am going to miss her tremendously. The anxiety, stress, and depression has really weighed on me. My aunt tells me not to over analyze and do things with my kids and myself, yet expects me to be there for my mom everyday. It’s too hard right now. I was her caregiver for 10 months. I saw her through the worst of the worst day in day and day out. Times she didn’t want to take her meds. Times she didn’t want to eat or exercise. And all I hear that is said behind my back is how I didn’t try hard enough. Really??! Wow!! I am one person and have had a lot of personal baggage to carry. Why can’t they see that? I wish I didn’t care, but I am who I am. I have such a huge heart and can’t stay angry at people... God help me.

[Sillysausage234]

Hi ,do hope you find people on here to vent with ,you have more than your fair share to have to deal with,🙋🏻‍♂️

[cmarbrey]

Hey there, im sorry you are going through all this ! Its hard! I had a pretty bad child hood but i finally let it go and talked to a therapist, i do take anxiety pills because of it! Its your life and dont let other people get to you! You could benefit from group therapy to help you through this and make you stronger so you dont worry about what anyone else thinks megative anout you! You are doing a great job a d have been through a lot! I see you as a strong oerson, you need some reassurance that you are. Look what you have been dealing with.

Im proud of you for being so strong!!

[Lu2356 in reply to cmarbrey]

Thank u! I currently see a counselor. She has helped me to some extent. I have to keep trying to not attach myself to people or situations. I have to build myself up again and live for myself and kids. There is a reason why I haven’t always been close to my family. They are always so critical and quite honestly, close-minded. I just can’t deal with that. One aunt stopped talking to me bc I vented to her about my brother and was upset that she really wasn’t listening to what I was saying. That morning was a stressful morning with my mom. She had fallen at the hospital, they had lost her phone, and the hospitalist made it a point that she would only release my mom if she had someone to watch her given that she could no longer be on her own. It was a lot to take in at once. With her feeling like I was attacking her, she isn’t answering my calls or wants to speak to me. I am so hurt bc it was never my intention. It didn’t help that I was PMSing either, but what can I do??!! I am just so upset that I don’t have that support, from anyone in my family.