Really need some support today :(

Feeling terrible the last few days. Beyond derealized today. My dad who usually works abroad and doesn't know about my mental issues just came back home for 2 weeks and I have to pretend nothing is wrong because last time I was in therapy he said I was overreacting and that nothing is wrong with me and was 100% against it so now my mom and I agreed not to tell him I'm going again, so 2 week break with therapy too. At the same time, my brother is leaving tomorrow for New Zealand and we have no idea when he's coming back as he will try to find a job there. He is one of my safe people and I have no idea how I'll ever manage to do without him. My mom already threatened me saying I'll have to walk the dog every single day - he used to walk the dog :( I have college too and I can't even think about all the studying I have to do... I feel so much pressure on me, to do, to be, to act "normal", to function, and I just... can't. I can't even cry. I have moved into another realm of crippling fear, anxiety and extreme unbearable sadness and loneliness. Would really love to hear some kind words :(

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  • I get it. The faking it is exhausting and provokes more anxiety. Fear produces fear. Those who do not understand put fear in us. They make us feel ashamed, weak, and dumb. They don't get that we would literally give a limb to take it all away.

    Is there a professional you can talk to about how to deal with your parents and your brother's exit? These situations would be difficult for everyone and anyone, and if you have anxiety the difficulties are exasperated.

    You have proven to be strong and able to get through it. Now, seek a doctor to help you with therapy and or meds.

    Thinking of you and feeling your pain. Peace and love to you.

  • I'm in therapy, yes, but I won't be seeing my therapist in 2 weeks (not until my dad goes away). But she offers Skype therapy sessions and I guess I could do that if I won't be able to endure it any longer, or at least send her an email or something. Thank you for your nice comment x

  • Sweetlolly11, I owe you an apology. Sorry I wasn't there to respond to your last message. I know you have been anticipating this next issue for quite a while which didn't help with your already high levels of anxiety. I know how close you and your brother are. It's hard to lose your safe person. However, you may find the strength within yourself since you will have no choice. Make walking the dog your time to reflect the day. Make it a positive experience. Don't forget dogs give you unconditional love. They are always there for you no matter how you feel. Not being able to cry shows that your emotions are on lockdown. You want to protect yourself by being someone you are not. I would suggest you use the forum for us to support you during this trying next 2 weeks. Your brother may not be able to give you a hug but will be as close as the internet in keeping your relationship close. I know college is demanding but so well worth the reward. I'm glad you will be having therapy at this time. You will get out of it as much as you put forth. Make that connection with your therapist, after all she has your life in her hands. I know you can do it. We are all here for you if you need a friend to lean on. We are here for each other. x

  • Oh no need to apologize, I know you have your own problems, we all do, it's fine really. Thank you for responding now, I always appreciate your opinion and advice the most. I'm gonna keep dog walking alive and well as our tradition was to walk her together. I am gonna keep the legacy and honor our memories. Wow, this actually brought tears to my eyes. I am sad because I will not be able to accompany my brother to the airport tomorrow, I had a horrible panic attack there once when my dad was going back to work and I had to hide in the toilet just to breathe and calm down. x

  • I'm sure he will understand. Be with him in spirit. He will know you are there. I like the idea of keeping the legacy alive that you two had. Sounds like you have a lot of wonderful memories to get you company. Take care Lolly. x

  • I know your pain!! It sucks when people can't be there for you. Please read my most recent post, I really recommend seeing a naturopath hope it helps:)

  • Hi thank you for responding, I'd like to recommend you joining a group on Facebook called "Adrenal Fatigue Recovery", my anxiety was brought on by a mixture of things, including hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue :) I'm covered on that subject and am taking daily supplements of vit D/K2 drops and magnesium evenings, also changed my diet etc. :) just have to solve this agoraphobia thing and find some strenght within!

  • Hi. You seem to be having a

  • You seem to be having a tough time with more challenges on the way. Dont feel that you have to act normal im sure your brilliant just the way you are. Thinking of you and sending hugs

  • Hi Sweetlolly11, after hearing about the earthquake in New Zealand today, I was wondering if your brother was already there. Is he safe? I hope everything is okay. Let us know how you are doing. My best.

  • Hey, luckily he was still traveling while it happened, and he is now okay and the situation is good there, thank you for asking and thinking about us :) x

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