Fed up.

[Minnie87]

So its my dad and stepmums wedding next week who I’m extremely close too and today i had to tell them I’m not going.my daughter is bridesmaid so she is going but i just dont feel well enough.

So fed up of this life and had enough!

[Agora1]

dearest Minnie, I don't know how much you can do on your own while experiencing the symptoms of overwhelming anxiety but I have a thought. What I use to do rather than miss the whole event, I would sit in the back of the church unannounced. I would leave before the end, knowing I didn't have to interact with anyone or be asked questions.

In this way my family knew I was there as well as there being a satisfaction that I didn't miss their important day.

Know that you are not alone in feeling like this. I support your decision. xx

[Minnie87 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora.so much.your an angel xx

[Indigojoe in reply to Agora1]

Grab a cuppa, this is a story:

I had to attend my son's graduation from West Point, like this, Agora.

The day he reported to WP I started to fret about , "How would I make it to the graduation?"

That was NOT OK, not "normal" to think like that, is it?

That is the width and breath of this dis order. Dis order of beliefs whatever.

I did attend the graduation.

However, even with all of the work I did for 2 years prior and the medicines I took, I COULD NOT make myself get into the stadium with the thousand people, security, family( who shunned my "oddity",) heat, etc.

I was shaking and teeth chattering in the hot sun that day.

I pushed myself so hard to be ONE of the team. I quietly ended up on the banks of the Hudson river, dry heaving, into a Pier 1 bag, hidden by cadets who moved to make a straight line to shield me from the throngs of people, families, politicians, security etc, walking past that area to get into the graduation field.

Our family has photos of me standing outside near a tree watching the procession of Cadets get their diplomas.

Minnie, from one who really gets it, please allow me to say to you, that taking care of yourself at this time in your life, is the most important thing you can do. Their wedding is about them.

When you are ready you will heal and this will all be behind you. Your love for your dad and his new wife is true.

If you can't go or if you choose not to go, then it is your choice, and you gain power for making choices for YOUR benefit, at this time.

For me, having gone did not magically trigger a healing.

Instead I had to listen to family members say, " are you too good to be one of us?', what's wrong with you?", OH IT's all in your head".

Many of them cooled off from me.

Minnie, that is where my healing began. When I realized I needed to do what was best for me. Had I not gone, and taken authority of myself and my needs , on THAT day that my son first arrived at WP, I would have had 4 good years without anxiety.

Minnie, you get to do what is best for you, today. If tomorrow you choose to do something different, then do it!

Indigo

[Minnie87 in reply to Indigojoe]

Thank you so much for your message and wise words.its very much appreicated.and well done for starting your recovery and healing.It gives us all hope 🙂

[Agora1 in reply to Indigojoe]

I so hear you Indigojoe. xx

Your advice is tried and true.

Sometimes we must try as hard as it is.

When my mother passed away 8 years ago, my sister

(because of me) had the wake, church and funeral all within

a 3 hour span so I could go.

The drive to the funeral home seemed endless as it was out of my safety zone.

But I did it. I hated everyone seeing me in this state. My nephew who is a Fireman/Paramedic grab my arm and made me feel secure

From there I made it to the church but once again sat all the way in the back, leaving my sister up in front by herself.

That was all I could handle. Didn't make the cemetery or the luncheon afterwards.

The thing is, as soon as I was headed for home, all the symptoms I was experiencing

from anxiety left. It did make me angry that I allowed it to take away an important

closure for me. We each deal with anxiety in our own way and with as much as we can do.

Indigojoe I think you and I could share a lot of our disappointments over the years. But that's behind us now. Time to go forward xx

[Jeff1943 in reply to Indigojoe]

Excellent advice, Indigojoe.

[gggg123]

Go ! At my worst time of my illness, I went away somewhere, I didn't want to but I went, far away from home to a very very busy city. It was enjoyable but my nerves were bad. Glad I went though, glad I didn't let life get in the way but most of all, I'll be dammed if I'm going to let a sensation rule my life.