Anxiety Support
34,491 members38,453 posts

Turns out I married a covert narcissist!

So to cut a really long story short, I’m recovering from a nervous breakdown a year ago. I’m still having panic attacks and high levels of anxiety. However, I was told by my clinical psychologist that I married a covert narcissist and I’ve been gaslighted. Which came as such a shock and has taken a lot of time to process. I wondered if anyone on here had any experience with narcissistic abuse?

12 Replies
oldestnewest

Hi

I haven’t had experience of narcissistic abuse, although am aware of it as had a friend who did experience it and gaslighting was part of what was done to her too 😞 she just didn’t realise what was going on, she told me sometimes you just don’t see it and she was quite brain washed by it all at the time. sorry you have experienced this really not nice.

I’m sure you will have more replies on this ..sorry I’m not more help.

Here for you if you need a chat anytime.

Good wishes to you 🌺🌺🌺

Reply

I just moved in with a Textbook narcissist and the gaslighting is cruel! Watch YouTube videos about narcissism and you will see that they are toxic to anxiety. (And more) I’m still struggling to get away.

Reply

YouTube has therapists and women like me who’ve survived “the game” and they give you excellent tips on ways of dealing with them when you don’t have the option to leave him or as they say “no contact”, what things he will say and do for certain reactions and how not to let it get to you, soooo many examples that you wont believe you’re seeing because it’s exactly what you’re living! You will be shocked! These people are so textbook predictable it’s almost funny that they think they’re so smart. I was typing this when I saw your response. I’m here for you girly!

Reply

There are so many covert actions they do I didn’t think a psychologist would put that word in front because everything they do is covert!!! I’ve seen it for what it is and just accepted him thinking I could handle it but it’s affecting my kids and I’m so lost! I’m trying to move out then he convinces me to stay. He can’t gaslight me anymore bc I let on that I knew what he was. Don’t EVER call him a narcissist whatever you do! They have a arsenal full of ammunition once their cover is blown.

Reply

Too late and you are so right! It’s been so nice to find another person that understands this it’s been such a lonely journey x

1 like
Reply

It’s too late for me too, I call him “textbook” way too often and recently he asked if I think I’m textbook. My response was YES I AM TEXTBOOK GAD! (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)

Reply

Thanks for your replies! 19 years and I’m just beginning to understand the hell I’ve been living!

1 like
Reply

I know exactly what you’re going through! Have you been with him for 19 years?

Reply

Yes xxx

Reply

I commend you for that! He’s a lucky man to keep a good woman for 19 years, is he military? I was married for 11 years to a Marine but we were never stationed overseas thank goodness!!! 3000 miles across the country was scary without any family I don’t think I could ever trust a man enough to do that again now that I’ve moved in to my narcissist’s fiancé/boyfriend’s house against my best judgement

Reply

Wow! Minus the breakdown part, I can totally empathize with you. I was married for 14 years to a narcissist and didn't realize what it was til it was over. It was textbook...we fell in love hard and fast, married 6 months after we met. The first few years were great. About five years in, he lost total interest in sex, told me he wasn't happy with himself and started drinking pretty hard. He was raised by a hard core Navy father and a wonderful mother. He had a weight issue although he was an avid bike rider and worked out twice a day. Long story short, he became verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my kids (from my first marriage). As much as I tried to keep the peace, he was relentless. My daughter went to live with her dad. My son tolerated it. Family members saw what my husband was doing but I kept makin excuses for it even though I was miserable. He just shut down from me emotionally. When I tried to express how I felt, I was told I was over reacting and said he didn't care I didn't respect him. Why then was I so devastated when 14 years later, he told me he was moving out and didn't want to be married anymore??? It was a blessing in disguise. It took me 7 years of counseling and family and friends support to heal. I'm now in a relationship with a wonderful man that truly knows what love is and how to show it. I couldn't be any happier. Hang in there. I understand where you're coming from and you will get through it.

1 like
Reply

You are living proof that we can move on and find our way to healthy! You’re a survivor and a role model for so many women who can’t imagine anything better... thank you for sharing your positive ending, it makes me hopeful and fearful at the same time. Is he or is he not?? I’m so lost.

1 like
Reply

You may also like...