constantly thinking?

[clairep]

Im always thinking and worrying if im ever going to get well again as i keep getting new physical symptoms i have dizzyness,lightheadedness,constant chest and back tightness and now i have a new one its heart palpitations but with skipped beats which takes my breath away very scary and ive been getting acid indigestion its awful.Ive recently started going out as im agorophobic and i have panic disorder.Ive been going to my local shop with my dad and back again which is about a 10 min walk away from my house so feel im making a very slight improvement but not enough.Cant remember how it feels to feel normal,ive been like this for 7 years now i thought i was coping with it quite well then last year i had a very bad anxiety attack and since then ive got more symptoms to deal with.Ive seen a psychologist and shes referred me for cbt and anxiety management and ive been told it should only be 6 weeks waiting list.Also because of my agorophobia and not being able to travel the therapist is going to come to my house and help me ,come out with me etc and its through the NHS but ive had to push hard for it and ive been waiting 9 months.This disorder is very debilatating there should me more help out there.Im just worrying il never beat this and im scared as i know ive got many fears to face and im going to feel a whole lot worse before i feel better.

[Hidden]

Hi hun. Well i will start by saying when i started with them again for the second time i did what you do now get my father to come with me all over. It sounds weird because i was in my 20' then later on i did the same. Its a horrible traffic ride i call it because once your on that route there is no turning back unless you give in to it and i would always say Never ever give in to it.

I have been there hun and i know its awful so i have lots of empathy with you. The palpitations are normal for the panic disorder, i suffer with panic disorder and i have had more symptoms than i care to imagine so try not to worry yourself too much, you will feel many symptoms with this and yes you do worry but honestly they are only symptoms of the attack. Its because we hyperventilate we get most of them.

I started getting the palpitations on a regular basis, i would get them they my heart would miss a beat and so on, yes very very frightening to say the least but you don't have to take my word for it, im sure many on hear would tell you the same who have suffered for a long time and had a lot of the symptoms.

I believe the CBT is good but for me i like to try this on my own. I have worked out a lot of new thinking patterns for myself which i have to say do work for me but this is my experience.

I immediately start thinking something nice that has happened, although i cannot think of many things but one thing i do think about a lot is my grandchildren and my parents, how good they were to me, how they helped me and if i did not start sorting myself out how would i be able to do the same for them if they needed me. It made me stronger but i like to be busy at all times, there is a little contradiction in what i say because i came to a standstill when my mother passed away suddenly in 2010 but i wont go into that because im trying to be positive all the time now.

Anyway i took up making cards, wow i find i lose myself in it so much its a good thing, but anything you wish to try and enjoy doing you would surely lose yourself in and it is a good way to move forward.

I also enjoy my own company and cleaning, so when i get really bad i get myself together by cleaning up, what a mind blowing experience i think sometimes, cleaning i ask myself how can that help but for me it does then i get to moving my furniture, i asked myself why do i do this and i came up with because it makes me feel good and looking around my place i like to feel comfortable so i like to try new things and for me this is a good therapy.

Again this is all my experience. I would however, look at doing something that you enjoy, i enjoyed crosswords for a long while and that worked too but there is always something better that will help and as you go along the path to recovery you will keep finding new ways to help yourself.

I do hope there is something in what i have said that is positive for yourself. Good luck and anyone on the site will support you with this im sure. Debs x

[clairep]

Hello Debs,

Thankyou for replying back to me,u talk alot of sense.I do try and keep myself busy but its finding things to do for most of the day,i thought about doing adult jigsaws ive ordered a jigsaw board,and i like to read so i guess that would help.I wish i could take meds but i cant handle the side effects from them aswell i feel im just to sensitised to meds.I think your right i need a focus to get better a purpose like looking after dad as he gets older i need to be well enough to help him since mum passed.I understand where ur coming from theres where my anxiety stemmed from losing my mum back in 2003.Id like to do some voluntary work aswell further down the line i think this would help even though that seems a long way off.I like to move furniture around aswell lol i get bored with my living room being the same,i also enjoy cleaning my house even though i have to keep sitting down for breaks as i get out of breath and lightheaded.You've given me hope thankyou.I hope your ok and if i can help u with anything il try.

Take Care

claire xx

[Hidden]

HI Claire. Your more than welcome. Im glad you have found some hope in what i have said. There is light at the end if the tunnel and its a long walk to get there but you will im certain everyone who has to take that long walk will see how fascinating a walk it can be. Its hard i know but we will always find something of comfort along the way.

I am sorry to hear of your problem starting after your mums death. Death in itself is hard enough i know that only too well but when its your mum or dad it kind of takes everything you have struggled through you life for away.

When my dad passed i was devastated but i had 2 yrs to come to terms with the fact that he only had 5 yrs to live. It was hard because i was trying to keep strong for my mum. I will say this though, everyone within my family relied on me to do everything.

I have two brothers who just said what would with do without our deb looking after dad and then sadly dad passed as stated and i had to take the role again for mum. It was like i had no time to grieve for my father but little do people know that we do this in our own time,

although i never had much i still cried myself to sleep when i managed to get some that was. I have to say this though i do not regret anything i have done, what i gave up in life i gained back by caring for my parents, that is something some people never get the chance to do but i did and for that i was grateful.

I have no regrets of any of that and as much as i miss my parents and feel so alone at times i do love my own company and i can now look back and say to myself, well i did what they wanted, neither wanted to be away from the family, my father passed with cancer but did not want to go into a hospice so he never, unfortunately though he did end up in hospital for his last week but we managed to get private room and myself mum and two brothers spent the week there.

But when i look back at everything i did for both of them it makes me feel happy that i did get that chance.

Anyway i do hope your focusing can be better equipped now and anything i have said will help in some way. I am just working from own experiences and hope that it helps.

Ask anything you wish claire and if i can help i will do my best. Good luck and keep moving the furniture. I know you said you get breathless i do too but if this is with the panic attacks then remember one thing it will pass its nothing to worry about and it will not harm you to feel this way.

Easier said than done i hear you say and i totally agree but we have to carry on thinking something positive and for me this is it.

[hollow]

HI Claire, not easy is it. I suffer all the same physical symptoms but have to keep pushing myself to go out to work each day when in reality there are times when I just want to lie down and never get up. That of course is what my anxiety wants! I hate feeling like this I just want to get back to how I was, nothing dynamic just plain old me who went into a shop without trembling for instance. You are doing the right things it's the small the steps we don't focus on or pat ourselves on the back for, like you going the shop, okay it's ten mins but it's ten more than no minutes and is a building block. On top of that you are seeking help biggest thing you can do in my opinion whether it's professional help, coming on this or other sites, talking to friends/family. Today I was convinced I was having a heart attack, still have the tightness in my chest, it's been six hours now if I am it's got to be one the longest on record and yet here I am leaving you a message. A message of hope I hope! It can be long road but believe you can get there.

[scooby07]

i have same symptoms to last night had bad night couldnt sleep went to the toilet came back then thought i couldnt breathe didnt want to wake up husband so i put on my computer and played games on it i know playing on your computer in the night is not the best thing to help you sleep but it helps to calm me down also i have young kids so i have to keep going 4 them i dont want them to worry about me if you need to talk always happy to listen