woops?

[mmatildaa]

I go hospitals here and there for a blood disorder I have it's not so serious anymore as it was when I was younger but as I did get older I had pains from eating some food and now I got appointments for my stomach as my doctor had told me I cant have a lot of fructose now I think I'm becoming anorexic I'm trying to gain but now I just can't eat one of the things I cant have is tomato concentrate products which seem to be in everything my mum cooks, I rather not eat her cooking as I rather starve than have to feel sick for the rest of the day I do ignore her and she doesnt give a crap if I can eat it or not, so now every time she seems to think it was ok to cook everthing I cant have in a pot I dont eat anything you may think im a brat but it gets to me because my mum doesnt care at this point about me I just wish she there for me and notices how I cry every day because im sick of living or decides to get food for school as I never have food to school if I do its very rare im in year 9 kind of hard trying to focuse well I got an empty stomach and my head feeling like there is a cloud in it as I cant think if I do it cant be too much or a headache will pop up, suprised to even get 91% on my math test but in the end I feel so hopeless and decided to cut myself which is horrible as I have no idea how to hide it mostly for the summer which thankfuly its near winter and with melbourne weather.. what joy.. I didn't even do much its just on my right thigh I told a friend and another friend whos also depressed "connected the dots" and I don't want to cut my self anymore but I can't seem to want to throw away that razor I used... now for the future, I before I become very boney and ugly my dad decided for me to find some of those pre-made meal services which I chose youfoodz which cost a lot I'm still trying to find a good one that doesn't cost a lot...