feeling very anxious tonight

[Wrinkledpetals]

Feeling really down and alone this evening.

I used to play games and have a few smokes in the evenings,

Ive smoked since I was 14, I am now 25 and my anxiety says if i even have 1 more Ill die.

I know smoking is super bad for you and I should of given up years ago but Im just making a point of how ridiculously controlling my anxiety is.

I just want to run away

I take no enjoyment out of anything anymore, I cant even eat chocolate because im terrified of the sugar content

On top of the random stomach pain that has completely ruined my life lately, Im just laying here thinking, will this ever get better?

When will I be able to enjoy even 5 minutes out of my life?

Anybody out there?

<3

[Hidden]

Smoking is the only thing I do tbh, I think the same wen I'm breathless a think if I have one more that's it but a still have more it's a crazy thing, hope your okay x

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

Ive been off them for 13 days because Im convinced that theyre going to kill me. In the evenings I just loved having a few cups of tea and a few smokes and now Im just confined to my couch, unable to do anything but lay here and worry about absolutely everything...

Ive recently HAD to eat because I lost 45 lbs and so i force myself to eat at around 5 o clock every day, its normally chicken and rice, Im convinced this is now going to make me a whale but I have to do it for my health...

damn aniexty

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

It won't put weight on u at all it will make u slim wich u already seem a lovely size don't think like that u have one life live it ano it's hard and smoking is your option it can kill u but that's not a,ways the case Hun x

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

I see myself as really fat, others are constantly saying im boney and stuff but I think they just say that -.-

My bmi is healthy..

My food habits arent, but with anxiety making me so damn nauseas, I cant even fx my diet,

I just have one big stupid meal a day that makes me feel so sick

Thank you for your reply, it means alot to me to talk to people like you who know what im going through x

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Your perfect u look beautiful Hun honest I'm here for you no fat on u even if there was so what your a lovely woman start eating cereal plz and dinner and tea x

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

Thats an icredibly sweet thing to say! Thank you so much honestly <3

I have like no self confidence so honestly that means so much to me

I did try yesterday morning to have breakfast and i ended up crying on the kitchen floor vommiting

Im not sure if it was anxiety or not ...

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Honestly Hun you need breakfast even if it's a slice of toast and a nice cuppa of tea, you should be confident you look lovely honest xx

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

ill try again tomorrow morning and let you know

Thank for being so supportive love!

Honestly thats cheered me up so much, thank you for saying that

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Don't thank me love just speaking the truth your beautiful 😍

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I've noticed it seems to be the prettiest of humans who suffer as well strange x

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

I dont even know what to say.. blushing! haha

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Blushing 😊 I'm smilingfor once this site is so great I e mad some wonderful kind friendsfor life xxx

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

just saw a photo of you on one of your posts! You are so pretty!!!!!! <3

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Am I noooooo don't blush smile u deserve it love,your wonderful xx

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

You arrrrrrrrreee! Youre beautiful! I wouldnt lie, promise! Youre so sweet! <3

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Just like you then lol x

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

So we are both beautiful, sweet and anxious? haha cant we lose the last one and keep the first 2?

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

That would be a dream come true my only achievement I need now is to get rid I was doing well for a few month not great but a lot better going to town etc and friendsstill felt odd but it got me out the house, a can't seem to find the energy me mam goes crazy with me and I end up arguing telling her how much it effects me etc it hurts her to see me the way I am wen I do have a bad day she will come and see me am just so fidgety.Even through my last 2 pregnancys am scare do to get bloods took i on,y get urine and blood pressure and scans it's so weird. Like wen I was in labour with my last one wow it's a story I was stood up over the sink running cold water shaking splashing it on me face giving birth lol xx

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

You can do it again!

You are strong, dont let it beat you!

Are you taking any medication? Maybe that might help..

Does seeing your mates help?

For me, all it does is remind me how different I am to them.. which in turn makes me more anxious!

Not alot of people understand severe anxiety, I think now a days, alot of people have some very mild anxiety and dont really understand just how debilitating it can actually get.

im scared to get bloods too, lol they always buirst the vein and leave me with massive bruises all up my arm.

lol why in the sink??? haha

did you not go in to hospital?

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

I get jealousof my friendsI'm the only one 😢And ye but was in the on suite so was in the bath and startedpushing so the midwifes dragged me out made me panic so a needed water hahaha I had one of my sons at home because my labour was so fast, I loved it that day I just won't get me bloods took no more x

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

Im jealous of my friends too, yet they all seem to have their own issues, but they just seem so small compared to mine yeno? hahaha jesus, I can imagine what that was like being over the sink splashing yourself with water lol

Ive had 1 emergency csection and 1 planned csection so my first labour was 12 hours of a frekkin nightmare andf the second was an hour of this dude missing the space in my back for the anaesthetic and scratching my spine :/ lol

NO MORE PREGNANCYS!

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Nooooo more no il die, was a site lmao 😂 and a c sectionwould really scare me needle in me bk fuk nooooo I've had no pain relief at all how bra even am I only because I'm scared there guna kill me the side effects xx

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

Aye it was not good, he kept missing and really fucked my back up, I was in tears and convulsions crying because he kept scraping my spine it was excrutiating!

I had some pretty bad side effects but i wont go into them incase I trigger a panic attack, Im going to go for a bit to do watch some youtube Ill check back in soon.

Sending postive vibes,

Thanks for talking me through being so down and anxious!

<3

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Wow exactly why I'm scared and ok lovely take care speak soon xxx

[mysmugcat in reply to Hidden]

It is true.

[Binkynoo in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Hi , do you feel weak and to a point you can't eat cos you feel so sicky , then feel worse and panicky my stomach is going through a tough time at the min the min , but if I eat I feel better but can't. Binkynoo

[masteringmyself]

Seems like you have health anxiety just as I do, it really fucks with your head.

I gave up smoking marijuana for a while because it made my anxiety so horrible because I would overthink like hell and it was almost impossible for me to stop thinking scary thoughts about my health thinking I'm gonna have a heart attack or something of the sort. You should give up smoking cigarettes honestly though tbh because the harsh chemicals are going to make your anxiety way way way way way worse.

Drink a lot of water, eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and try to keep yourself around positive people who keep you on track with things

Just remember at the end of the day you'll be fine it's all in your head.

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to masteringmyself]

it really frekkin does!

Yeah I smoked weed every day in the evenings as it really helped me with my anxiety and appetite, it also made me actually want to do stuff in the evening, rather than mope about doing nothing.

Now Im absolutely terrified to have a smoke incase it causes my heart rate to increase, with the pulse I have in my stomach, im convinced that if I have a joint or even a normal cig, Ill have an aneurism and die.

i struggle with the food stuff because I feel so frekkin nauseas all the time with a stupid bloated stomach, so i normally have 1 meal a day of chicken and rice lol its riduclous!

I just want this ultrasound to be over and done with so i know its my anxiety!

[masteringmyself in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

I had went to the doctors the other day and got a checkup and everything came back pretty clear and showing I was in good health. So that pretty much cleared any negative thoughts I've had about my health lately but before I would freak the hell out anytime I ate anything because I'd assume I'm allergic to it or some shit.

Smoking weed in small quantities isn't too bad but when I used to overdo it I would panic too much and let the smallest thing freak me out.

I really hope your ultrasound comes back with good results because you seem like a really positive person !

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to masteringmyself]

I gave up for 3 years because it kept inducing panic attacks, when i started again i smoked little amounts but almost constantly if you know what I mean, so like many joints but like only a teeny bit in them, I was totally fine at first but maybe it was because of the quantity increasing or the fact I have underlying anxiety anyways, I just constantly think im dying when I smoke now lol ffs!!

health anxiety is so useless WHYYYYYYY is it a thing?

Thank you!

I really hope so, I mean 3 doctors in the hospital said the pulse was fine and it was because I have anxiety that you can feel it , but my GP said "hmmn its a little too prominant"

*fingers crossed*

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

I smoked weed everyday in buckets 😂🙈 for 7 years am sure that caused my anxiety because I stopped from the day I had my 1st attack it scared me then a few year after I had a few of a joint and a was running around going hot dizzy and sweating because of it x

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

interesting how smoking weed seems to be directly linked with anxiety!

Damnit, it makes me so happy, why does it cause anxiety!

so annoying ... -.- x

[Hidden]

Well my doctor said it had nothing to do with it all though this was over the phone talk it's wen one of my sons was 6 weeks old so she said it sounds like postnatal depression anxiety a weren't depressed I was a happy go lucky girl x

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

I think anxiety can cause depression, I mean Im definitely depressed but its only because I cant shake this shit anxiety, without it I would definitely be alot happier

What age is your son now?

How does your anxiety manifest itself?

x

[Hidden]

I have five sons it started 8 years ago mine 😒

[Hidden]

Anxiety rules me I'm sick of feeling shit always weak tired of balance dizzy no motivation can't have a laugh anymore nothing seems real to me it's a blur if I look out my windows and look at people walking a think a wish that was me they seem so normal compared to me I was house bound for years, I have everything going for me but I'm not happy honest

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

I know exactly what you mean, I have depersonalization too, where I feel like Im out of body and watching myself almost through a tv screen its bizzare, everything seems like a dream/blur

Its so horrific to feel this way every day.

If ever you feel so lost and alone in your anxiety, Im always here

I have 2 children myself and I fine its so exhausting, all I want to do it run and play with my children, not be worrying about my health constantly!

You seem like such an amazing person, its such a shame that anxiety does this to such lovely people! x

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Thankyou so much and I'm hear for you 2 it's not fare on me kids I worry for them to it's awful the slightest thing I panic over them and am constantly worrying about me self and family a guess I just have a good heart always put people first, also I look at me self and think I'm nothing but others say different a wish a was normal I've suffered to long a find it hard to go places etc even to the parents evening for me kids a can't sit and talk a go all hot and dizzy me heart starts pounding a feel like collapsing on the spot, x

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

Im sure youre a great mam if youre always putting others first

Its just mental how we constantly worry and worry and what does that achieve? It achieves stress, anxiety and sickness, it never fixes any of the problems we face...

Yet we still do it ... haha

Ive never been to a parents evening because I think I would collapse from anxiety! haha!

I dont mind doing the 1 on 1 parent teacher meetings as much but theres no way in hell im sitting in a room with loads of parents O.o

Are you from Newcastle by any chance?

[Hidden]

Lol 😂 I have a few mates who live Newcastle am not to far from there I'm from Middlesbrough, and it's just stress ye I've noticed to my hair seems to fall out more 😮😒

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

Ahhh I was going to say, I read your comments in a geordie accent for some reason haha!

Im from dublin, Ireland but Ive been living in Newcastle for the last 5 years

My hair falls out too, mines dead thin and brittle, used to be dead thick!

[Hidden]

Ooo does it Hun why is it ?

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

my doctor said anxiety can cause it to fall out due to how your digestive symstem absorbs nutrients when youre anxious O.o

The metro centre is great, at first when I went in, I got the worst anxiety ever because its so massive, I used to be able to pluck up the courage to bring my eldest there for shopping and cinema, god I hope I can do that again soon!

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

I couldn't imagine sitting in a cinema wow 😳. And oooo rite can it so that's why mine is plus I die it and straighten it wich is bad xx

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

I know, i cant believe i ever did it!! So many people, LOUD noises, food everywhere, the dark, sitting in the same place for ages and not being able to look at your phone for comfort, sounds super scary to me now hahaha, yeah I have curly hair so i straighten mine too, super bad for it!

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Love Curly hair beautiful don't ruin it x

[Hidden]

Geordie lol people say I sound like one lol lovely place love the metro centre x

[Hidden]

Hi sounds like you have depression as well.like myself.was going say try this and that .you won't have energy etc with the depression.go see the doctor. It's a vicious circle.you will have to try different things .try get your mind of things a bit.once you get depression down a bit .bone your ok

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Hidden]

I definitely have depression, I'm on sertraline at the moment which is supposed to help with anxiety and depression but it seems I'm stuck in a hole

[Hidden in reply to Wrinkledpetals]

Maybe different tablets.ask docter to refer you to occupationaltherapy. They have group courses 8 weeks for people like us they can be ok. Try go out if you can

[Gogo1]

I know it stinks(anxiety ) but there really is an answer, if you haven't put your trust in Jesus Christ now is a good time, , scripture says anyone who puts their trust in him will not be disappointed, ask in faith demanding nothing that's how heaven operates, Eph 3:20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think ,according to the power that works in us. That power will flush that thing in you out, I am a witness, that's the first step, ask God to surround you with people who know how to pray, write everything down on paper with all the details you want him to do,he specializes in the details (your eyes are a perfect example ) 1.start walking every day, get out breath air and look at nature, 2.rid yourself of everything negative I mean everything, 3.drink natural juice eat nuts ect. It will jump start your appetite. 4 read New Testament. 5. Let your will to survive be stronger than what's trying to take you down 6. Fight those thoughts, reject bad one's 7. Don't be afraid to see a doctor

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to Gogo1]

I'm deeply religious and practice most of what you suggested already but thank you for the reply ❤💜💝💘💚💙❤️💗💕💓💖🖤

[Somedaysuddenly]

When you say smoke do u mean weed?

[mysmugcat]

I am here and if you ever want to PM me please do.

[goldfishpainter]

I'm here, and I'm a person. It really really sucks to feel the way you do. I have to remind myself all the time that things change. It can be very hard to believe. I've been doing the severe mental illness thing for 11 years now, so when I try to tell myself that it can get better, I usually shoot that idea down, because it feels like I have never felt joy. When I'm more stable I can believe that joy exists. My only advice is therapy. Therapy, therapy, therapy. Psych meds can do wonders, too, but it's a difficult process to find the right ones, and it takes some patience and some willingness to be uncomfortable. Therapy does not have that risk. But make sure you get someone who gets you results. If someone isn't helping you, change therapists. In the meantime, go do this mindfulness excercise: go run some warm water in the sink, and wash your hands as slowly as you can, taking in the way the water is moving and how it feels, the feeling and smell of the soap, the sensation of your hands getting warmer. Find the details that let you tap into the true present, even though the present kind of sucks right now.

[Wrinkledpetals in reply to goldfishpainter]

I love washing my hands honestly I do this all the time when I'm hearing voices or feeeling super anxious thank you for your comment it means so much to me!