I posted the following after seeing a great post from Gerrerd about watering the flowers instead of the weeds.
So true and the correlations between the weeds and anxiety is clear to me. If you stop feeding your anxiety, it will eventually die. This means :-
1. Going towards your fears, whatever they may be, NOT feeding your fears by avoiding them, trying to control them or deliberately distracting yourself from them.
2. Fully allowing anxious / fearful thoughts to come and go, giving them the head space they demand and observing them (like you would observe two people quarrelling) NOT feeding them by getting involved with the quarrel or doing anything to try and rid yourself of the thoughts.
Anxiety is just negative, nervous energy trapped within the mind and body (caused by tired, sensitised nerves) which manifests itself into physical sensations and thoughts which people find very scary. To be free from anxiety and all other symptoms (such as depression), this energy WANTS to be released from YOU but if you are not prepared to feel it and allow yourselves to be scared (acceptance) instead of choosing to avoid, fight, quarrel etc etc, you are topping up the negative energy which you are trying so desparately to get rid of! Learn to let it go without any resistance. It will feel uncomfortable for a while but it will eventually drain away, so long as you let it flow.
So, doing nothing about anxiety actually makes it go because you have stopped feeding it, breaking the vicious circle you have unwittingly created in your own mind. Over time, those weeds will die off and be replaced by green shoots which will blossom. Then it’s the lazy, hazy days of summer my friends. 🌸🌼🌸🌼
Written by
Beevee
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I know that you know this anxiety beast best. And I appreciate your words of wisdom. But how do you face your fears when your fear is death? How can I face that? And also, because I've been going through this for quite some time now, I have tried doing nothing. I allow my thoughts to go haywire, I let every thought come and go. So maybe I have this acceptance thing and allowing the thoughts thing all wrong because thats what i thought i was doing but yet its all still here. Waiting on me when i wake up and when I try to sleep. Which you did clearly point out how 'anxiety is just negative, nervous energy trapped within the mind and body caused by tired, sensative nerves which truly does manifest itslef into what this mess is. I can agree that this anxiety evolves ans manifests and out do itself everytime it comes back to visit. I also wanted to add that I'm so afaraid of that fact that our minds are so freaking powerful that in my case I feel as if I'm going to literally cause myself to get sick, faint, die from being so stressed and worried. And if our minds are actually as powerful as people say and it seems so very true, then it scares me that I can actually cause this to happen because I cant stop thinking about these horrid things(death) which Im absolutely afraid of. Don't know how can someone face that fear.
I wish I had a definitive answer for this, but I don't. What I do know is anxiety won't kill you - it may make you feel like hell, but it won't kill you. Thinking of death is a scary thought, but it is just that, a thought. I had a hard time "accepting" anxiety, and still have my moments when all the "acceptance" in the world doesn't help. I have a more free-floating type of anxiety, it's like my mind looks for something to latch on to and obsess about, but I keep going back to recognizing these are just thoughts, unpleasant and uncomfortable as they may make me feel. I just keep going through my day or night doing what I should be doing, going to work, making and eating dinner, doing laundry, etc. as if they weren't there. I have a visual of anxiety hanging on my leg and I just drag it along with me as I move. I know it's there, but I don't buy into and feed it. What I have found is doing the "normal" stuff lessens the hold anxiety has on me. I have good days and bad days, but there are more good days. Instead of the 24/7 relentless anxiety, it is now reduced to none at all or part of a day or night. I wish I never had it at all, but I am learning to live with it.
That being said, I hope you are getting some help for dealing with this. When anxiety first became a part of my life out of the blue, I immediately sought help from a psychologist and went to my GP to make sure my symptoms were not being caused by something else. I realized that I couldn't fix this by myself and needed help understanding what was going on and how to deal with it before it took charge of my life. I also read some books and blogs that helped as well. Some of the most helpful were by Dr. Claire Weekes (recommended by a member of this site), DARE by Barry McDonough who based his work on Weekes, and a web site called "Nothing Works" which really seemed to pull everything together for me. I think you have be at a certain point with the idea of "accepting" anxiety and it took me a while to get there, but the information I got from these sources really had a big impact on how I react to anxiety. With a better understanding and learning not to fear anxiety, I have come a long way on my journey and feel pretty positive that I can learn to live with this and live a generally good and fulfilling life.
I know that this is a very long post, but it's what I can offer you. I hope that it helps and I am sending good thoughts and wishes that things get easier for you.
Yes anxiety may not ever kill anyone but stress from anxiety and constantly feeling faint or breathing wrong or chest pain can possibly manifest into congestive heart failure or heart attack or stroke or I could be so scared of fainting and think about it so much that i can actually faint, right? Just like how a person can make themselves vomit, make themselves cry, etc. Then I'm sure the same can happen if one is constantly thinking of death or scared to faint, right? I do get what you are saying. But it's like I have newly become afraid that I'll cause my own fate. Like my mind will bring bring it to life since I cant stop worrying about it. I don't think your post is long. I appreciate you even responding with the best advice you can offer. Maybe it is taking me a while to really understand"acceptance". But i truly feel defeated and ashamed and heartbroken. Especially since i have kids that I want to be here for. But thank you again for your words.
You can "force" your body to do things like you say, but the difference I think is that you are bringing it on, not anxiety. I have cycled through the fear of anxiety causing a heart attack or some kind of permanent damage, and causing significant health issues. After having it brought to my attention that when I go to the gym or for a brisk walk, my heart rate will become elevated, my breath rhythm changes, etc. and it doesn't kill me. Think about athletes. There heart rates and pulse rates elevate while doing what they do. It comes back down again. You have to give our bodies credit for being able to handle the rush of adrenaline that causes so many of our symptoms like an elevated heart rate, chest pain, change in breathing rates, higher blood pressure, etc. It knows how to handle it. Again, I know it's so much easier said than done to not react to thoughts, but when that particular demon thought cycles through, I acknowledge it and tell myself that yes, some day I will die, but it's more than likely not going to be today or tomorrow and get on with it.
I am so sorry that you feel so defeated and ashamed. Please don't! You have done nothing to be ashamed about or feel defeated about. Your post shows you are brave and looking for a way to deal with your fears. Asking for advice or help is a true sign of courage.
Again i thank you for your words. Its a tough routine to live with. Dreading the day and night. I am not getting any good sleep and appetite is back off again with all my stomach isuues. But you make so much sense.
I know it’s easy for me to say but I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been there but want you to know that you will get through this.
The following poem is a good metaphor for the road to recovery and the setbacks which are an important part of the recovery process. There will be many of them where you think and feel as though you have slipped back into the mire and not made any progress whatsoever. Your anxious mind will keep reminding you of this but just accept it. Please don’t feel too discouraged by them. They are a a positive sign that you are moving in the right direction. The fact of the matter is, if you keep moving forward with your life and not letting anxiety dictate things, you will recover. By carrying on doing normal things and taking the anxiety with you, your brain eventually gets the message that there is no threat and stops telling the adrenal glands to pump you full of cortisol and adrenalin which are behind all those weird and not so wonderful symptoms that scare you.
Anyway, here is the poem. I think it’s called the Hole Poem.
Awesome poem as it correlate so well to what we are doing to ourselves. Until we FINALLY get it. Which for many including myself its how long it may take or how many times it take to Finally get it.
Anxiety causes the mind to have exaggerated responses to thoughts, feelings & situations that, without anxiety being present, would not ordinarily bother you. They are magnified ten fold, tricking the sufferer into placing a false importance on that thought. This is negative energy propelling those thoughts. The more a person tries to get rid of a bothersome thought, the more it intensifies. The thought and fearful response to it becomes automatic. It sticks like the needle getting stuck in the groove of a vinyl record (showing my age here 😂). When this happens, it is almost impossible to think around the problem. You can only think of the problem itself. It becomes obsessive.
Facing your fear isn't really about removing that thought or coming to terms with your own mortality, it is about drawing the sting out of that thought by letting it bother you and not doing anything about it. It is only the excessive energy that makes it sting so much
We all have one thing in common and that is we don't live forever. The thought does cross my mind from time to time but it doesn't bother me. My anxiety picked on other things that it knew would get a reaction out of me and the reason why it has settled on the subject of death for you. It bothers you a lot but only because anxiety is magnifying the thought. Accept the thoughts and over time, they will lose their importance and the ability to frighten you.
It takes time to develop the right attitude and accept it as anxiety. It requires a certain leap of faith because those thoughts are so believable and the reason why people are tricked into fighting them instead of letting them go. There is very little truth in them and just anxious thoughts caused by a very anxious mind.
I definitely will not dispute your words. I guess I am so discouraged by the fact that I keep falling back into this trap. Going on 3 years now. Its like it feels new every time. No matter how much i say to myself this is just anxiety.
It is tough, no doubt about it! I initially lost about 16 lbs, just couldn't eat. The stomach issues can be very hard to deal with. I had been taking Prilosec for a couple of years before because of severe acid reflux and anxiety just really brought all those issues back. It finally settled down for the most part and I have started to gain some of the weight back. Most of the physical stuff has kind of faded out, it was like my body just wasn't going to play the anxiety game anymore. I still struggle with sleep at times, but even that has been getting better. My heart goes out to you, this is a bitch, but it can be put in it's place with time and, I don't know what to call it, maybe determination? I was 60 when I had my run in with anxiety, never had any problems before. I just knew I couldn't let it destroy my dreams and plans my husband and I had made for the rest of our lives. We had always planned on traveling and making the most of our lives after we retired. I was lucky, didn't have kids depending on me - that would have made it all the worse. Just know it can get better, at one time I didn't believe that it could and it terrified me. I just knew that I couldn't and wouldn't let it beat me. The vision of me curled up on the couch cowering in fear was just not going to happen. I don't know, I think part of getting over this is just finding the inner strength to let it not beat you down. And yes, there are times you will feel you are back at square one, but they pass. You can and will get through this. All of us who have struggled with this have faith in you and please know that everyone is on the sidelines cheering you on!
I truly appreciate this. Yes i do know that it can pass because I've been through it before and got through it. But its like when it comes to visit again it manifests or evolves to a different level. I first only feared death then when it came back i began to fear for my health then when it came back again i begin to fear that my own powerful mind is going to work against me and I fear I'll make myself faint, have a heart attack or cardiac arrest or stroke from worrying so badly. Like i said its like if our minds are that powerful I fear i will actually manifest my own fate. So basically now i fear im going to cause harm on myself. Stressing so bad. I definitely feel back at square one. I too had lost so much weight when i first went through this. I lost almost 30 lbs in 2 months. My stomach was doing what its doing now. But this particular time I had an allergic reaction out of no where. And i know its what triggered this again. Now im scared to eat because i fear if it will cause an allergic reaction. Plus the scary thing is I wasnt eating anything no different than ive ever eaten in my years of living and this happened. So it has my digestive tract ruined. It seems like when i do decide to eat i feel wierd now. It just not the same.But i appreciate your true words. In no way do I dispute what you are saying.
Thank you so much for your time to helping us who is on the road of recovery.
Its so hard to believe thoseare just thoughts tho. Last night my heart was going so fast I thought that's it. The palpitations are so intense and skipped beats.
Please write me and help me over come this as my baby needs me please
Lovely. Recovery is not exclusive to a few brave souls with superhuman strength and powers. Everyone has it within them to recover. They just need to be shown the way to recover and then apply the principles of accepting anxiety as part of their lives and not fighting to rid themselves of the thoughts and feelings. Anxiety is the biggest confidence trick going. It just takes a little time to see through the lies it spins and to let it all go.
Thanks for the info, my fears are real and Iam trying to face them. A lot of it is the unknown of it.
I've been making bad decisions like all have done,. I'm very mad and embarrassed that at my senior age I'm still doing it. Trusting wrong people. But who do you trust if you need advice? How can you trust what they say?
You make so much sense I need you in my pocket so you can reassure me and explain things as I come through to the end of my journey with anxiety. I'm determined to get my life back. Great advice Beevee xx
There is an amazing book DARE the anxiety’ book teaches you these techniques it’s amaxing and yes you are correct we have to accept the feelings and they will leave
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