I can't speak in groups larger than 4 people and public speaking kills me

[Andrew212]

I have what feels like a very strange condition that doesn't seem to impact anyone i know, i am a very social person, i enjoy talking, mixing and going out with friends and colleagues, however i have always had an issue when i comes to speaking in public. When the eyes are on it 100% debilitates me to the point where i can't speak and freeze. my breathing accelerates, i sweat like i have ran a marathon instantly and get light headed to the point i could faint. The build up to the moment when i know attention is coming is horrific, when i know i am minutes/seconds away from having to speak i would literally do anything to remove myself from that situation. It doesn't make sense and irrational i know however it happens. Unfortunately my job requires me to hold meetings and deliver presentations regularly, to this point so far i have some what lucked out in avoiding extremely large groups probably because i have seen it coming and made an excuse not to attend, (doctor appointment/ can't make that date). On a number of occasions though i have found myself in a position where i have an episode, introducing myself in a large group (i choke), delivering a presentation to a small group (i choke), when i find myself not being able to speak with crippling anxiety i have found some odd last minute excuses to explain the unexpected behavior such as i have cramp in my leg while in a room full of people or pretending my headset at work has lost connection when i am required to speak in a call. its a horrendous situation to be in and wouldn't wish it on anybody. i have been to the doctor where they have looked at diazepam, propranolol, and anti depressants, they have all failed to control the intense anxiety attack that occurs when all eyes are on me. To anyone that can relate or feels they can offer up some ideas to help over come this feel free to drop me a note, i don't think the GPs are serious in trying to help, i think they find it a bit of a classic case of stage fright that doesn't require support. appreciate any support

[b1b1b1]

I had the same problem. I solved it by taking a very high dose of valium. That is, about twice or three times the normal dose. It worked for me, however I would not do this without talking to your doctor. This is a common problem. Tranquilizers in a sufficient dose will solve the problem and eventually the fear will diminish to the point where you actually don't need the tranquilizers and perhaps can actually enjoy speaking to groups.

[Andrew212 in reply to b1b1b1]

doctors on Monday i think, from my last experiences i think you are right, Valium sounds like the best solution. i don't really like taking anything when i'm sick, need to be on by death bed to take a Paracetimol but i know i need something strong as the anxiety is just to strong to mentally control it at the moment. how are you now with it mate after using Valium, have you found yourself able to speak without them?

[Fearoffear]

Ativan 2mg and I could do it for 4 to almost 6 hours but then I was exhausted for 2 days. I finally had to quit because they wanted to stop my ativan and my coping skills were not able to totally overcome the fear without that little helper. My ability has improved on CBT but not yet enough to return to work.

[jessiejakes]

Hi Andrew212 I know that feeling but I don't have to talk to people like you do.my attacks are when I have to eat out in front of people ,it even happens when I now the people ( Christmas nights out ) with friends and work colleagues. Any get together in pub in fact any where I have to eat in public.I get all hot and feel severe anxiety that choking feeling in throat I can't even swallow my own saliva. I had CBT treatment for my anxiety but I still couldn't do the eating out.so might I suggest what b1b1b1 said to do high dose of diazepam ( Valium). Perhaps this could solve the problem ? Or have you thought of hypnosis ? That to could be a option.I hope you find a answer.

[Andrew212 in reply to jessiejakes]

thanks - going to try the doctors again Monday, see if they can give me something stronger to control the anxiety as the attack is far to strong to deal with it myself. work have started using video calls now in these rooms so to make it worse i can see myself stuggling. how are you now?have you found a solution to overcome?

[Jeff1943]

As b1b1b1 says, a 5mg Valium/diazepam is the traditional remedy for stage fright, you'd be surprised how many actors and actresses have taken them as required i.e. not contnuously.

Talking to 100 people is the same as presenting to 1 person, think of the 100 as one person, you know what you're going to say , enjoy casting your spell over them. Maybe look at some good speakers on YouTube, Harold MacMillan, Oswald Mosley and Billy Graham were the best speakers I heard speak live.

[Andrew212 in reply to Jeff1943]

5mg isn't strong enough for me- took some before when the doctor gave me a packet of 2mg pills, i did feel a bit more chilled but when it came to it the anxiety was to strong. when i look at good speakers all i can think about is i could never do that, not with practice or anything because when it comes to that moment my mind goes numb and i panic. do you suffer yourself? have you managed to find what works for you if so?

[Jeff1943 in reply to Andrew212]

I found that as I got older I became more confident at presentations and interviews. I'm surprised a 5mg diazepam/valium wasn't enough to counteract your anxiety before presentations. Making sure you know exactly what you're going to say makes you more confident. As Napoleon once said: "All great battles are won the night before."

I would guess there are therapists who are skilled at helping people with public speaking/anxiety problems, I'm sure such specialists exist. If you think this is holding you back maybe it's worth finding one even though it means spending some dosh.

[jkl5500]

I can relate to the anxiety symptoms you are suffering completely. When an attack hits, I start sweating profusely, and then I get anxious over that because I'm afraid people will notice the sweating. I become so self-conscious that I can hardly concentrate to complete the simplest tasks. It takes a long time to calm (and cool) myself down.

Since giving these talks are part of your job, I wouldn't waste any more time, and see a psychiatrist ASAP. No, it doesn't mean you're "crazy", so please don't let that stop you. A psychiatrist is an MD, so he or she can give you the meds more tailored to your situation, in addition to hearing you out and giving some reassurance. The doc can also suggest relaxation techniques for you - after all, that's their specialty.

I know how you feel when that tidal wave of anxiety rolls over you. It's the worst feeling in the world. Just know that you're not alone, and lots of help is available for you to overcome this.

Take care,

jkl5500

[designguy]

Hello Andrew, I can relate all too well to your post having had social anxiety for years. I still sometimes freeze or blank out in front of people but i have learned to accept it and deflect it. I'm now retired and when I was younger there wasn't much information about social anxiety. Like jkl5500 recommends, I would find a therapist or program that specifically treats social anxiety or performance anxiety asap. In the States there is a business group called Toastmasters that is specifically for helping people with their public speaking skills. Getting help at a younger age would have benefitted me career wise and there is so much more information about it and help for it. It might be difficult for you initially but you will be so glad you did it.

[Ag27]

Hi Andrew, a lot of people have also had some really great results with CBD oil. It's all natural and a good alternative to industrialized medicines. You can also try neural retraining programs.

[Ag27]

To echo what others have said - you could try a public speaking training group but I would do it slowly. I've also found klonopin to be helpful but it can be addictive. Xanax is also good for anxiety. Anxiety during public speaking moments is perfectly normal. I do the same - in terms of making excuses. Evolutionarily - the only time animals are ever in front of a large group of other animals it is just before being eaten - so that fight or flight response triggers our "reptilian brain". Telling us to run! When there is really no threat - there is no lion coming to eat us. Talk therapy can help, but also yoga, acupuncture, and meditation- there are some really good apps where you can practice. Also programs like Dynamic Neural Retraining System to get your brain outside of that "path" that it always takes. It's a vicious cycle we have to get ourselves out of. Luckily for me, I work for a non profit environmental org, and my co-workers are all very understanding so I don't have to hide it as much.

[Usagold]

Me too Andrew! Probably worse than you! And i’m a teacher (who actually had to quit teaching couple yrs ago due to severe anxiety symptoms) and a cytologist and homeschooling mom. I learned to talk in front of kids, just not at meetings or in front of the parents! I simply could not do it. I forced myself a few times but I could not focus on anything but survival. Even though I was in a full blown panic attack, somehow words kept coming out of my mouth, but I’m sure I must’ve looked and sounded like an idiot. It’s a terrible curse. I’ve tried everything! I didn’t like drugs because I felt like I needed every bit of a clear mind, and tranquilizers make me feel drugged. I did take half a beta blocker before I had to speak sometimes to keep my heart from racing. It helped! My heart still raced but instead of going over 200bpm, it prob only went 175. When I was forced to do my thesis to graduate fr college, out of desperation, I tried the local Toastmasters. Although I was a nervous wreck at the meetings, and still a nervous wreck at my presentation, I think they helped tremendously. I arranged my dissertation where after a brief intro, I stood behind a slide projector for the next half hour talking from the back of the room🤓, and somehow I didn’t die.

[Usagold]

I do wonder how I could handle public speaking now that I have overcome my problematic anxiety. With a counselor’s help (which I have stopped - no longer need) and a lot of reading, I’ve learned to recognize my symptoms of stress/anxiety for what they are and to not fear them. Things that make me nervous still make me nervous, I just don’t get into that cycle of fear-adrenaline-fear that became so debilitating. That’s an interesting thought. I should try speaking again and see if I experience the same level of fear as in the past. I hope you find a good way to deal with your fear. I can assure you of one thing, the more you do it the easier it gets, like me getting comfortable speaking in front of classrooms of students. That’s why joining a practice speaking group like Toastmasters might be a good idea.

[Andrew212 in reply to Usagold]

Thanks for sharing, i can imagine how hard that must be for you. i live in scotland and from looking online i can't seem to find anything like that, i'm going to go back to the doctors next week as it will come to a point i'll just look for another job to avoid being put in these situations. To date i have purposely look to avoid promotion as any further up in my career would require more public speaking.What is it you do for work now since you quit your job, have you managed to get back into teaching? Andrew

[Usagold in reply to Andrew212]

No, the teaching job, which I loved, is gone. It broke my heart to quit, but I had severe stress/anxiety symptoms. Fortunately, I only have to work part time, so now I’ve got 1 more year homeschooling my youngest child, my 17yr old daughter, and I’m working part time at the hospital lab in cytology. No public speaking required!

[Indigojoe]

Andrew, if you live in the USA, find a local TOASTMASTERS club and join them.

They have a wonderful program for people like us, and their success rate is consistently high.

[Andrew212]

in Scotland i would be really keen to join such a program

[b1b1b1 in reply to Andrew212]

Check if there is a Toastmasters in Scotland. I also don't like to take medications, however the valium before public speaking really saved me. Ask your doctor about the maximum dose you can take for this purpose. It does work. Another thing I found helpful was not rehearsing too much. Then your mind is more occupied by trying to remember what to say and less occupied by the anxiety. The valium won't reduce the anxiety 100%, but it will make it possible to manage. It does work. Good luck. It is a tough problem as I know from personal experience, but it can be overcome and you can get to a point where you actually enjoy being the center of attention. It can be a real ego boost.