The wedding day is behind me - another motivational post x

So yesterday was the dreaded wedding I have been scared of for two weeks straight. A lot of sleepless nights, crying, family arguments. But I did it! I have made it out alive and lived to tell the tale.

I don't know if I could have done it without the benzo I took before I went out, but it doesn't matter, if it helps take it. It also prevented me from drinking so I stayed sober all night. Some of my fears were realistic - I dreaded the heat, I dreaded my fatigue acting up, I dreaded having to wait for dinner since I get hungry easily (my blood pressure and sugar levels both just drop if I don't eat often). I had a bottle of water with me, a snack in my purse just in case and my hand fan and everyone I told this about complimented me about "coming prepared for the situation" and they were actually all jealous they haven't remembered to do any of that, especially because everyone was so thirsty! I sat in the back of the church, cooled myself with my fan and sipped on water occasionally. Of course the panic attacks came - but they were so insignificant and soon stopped coming in waves. They came to me a few times during the night but they faded away very soon. I spent a night of eating, talking to people and dancing - I mostly kept to myself, I couldn't dance for longer than 10 minutes at a time and that was okay, I'd just go sit down by myself, eat or drink something and relax.

My biggest point here is - this event was not about me, it was about the bride and the groom. They were both so beautiful, they were so fit because they spent an entire summer eating well and exercising for their wedding, and they were just so happy. My eyes got teary a couple of times. I just watched them and I thought to myself how beautiful love is and how happy they must be on that day. I just wanted to celebrate that and that's what I put my focus on.

I did get dizzy at times, and I was tired beyond imagination, but I lasted until 3 am (yes, three in the morning!) and when I came up to my mom to ask if maybe we were all leaving soon, as soon as I sat down she just stroked my back and the first thing she said was: "you did it, you lasted the whole night, I am so proud of you" and I felt a huge stone just lifted off my chest.

Keep on keeping on everyone, I am still alive and if I made it through this, we can all make it through everything :) x


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36 Replies

  • Superb! And 3am on a benzo?! Youre tough haha!

    Reeeeeeeally happy for you x

  • Thank you so much, how are you doing? xx

  • Apart from wanting to trade my friend in for a new one, im doing okay thanks 😊

    Its 4pm and still in my pj's but the house is spotless after a mad cleaning session so not a completely lazy day lol xx

  • I feel like taking a nap or having a cappuccino but there are guests downstairs and I am also in my pj's at 5:30 pm haha

  • Sweetlolly, in my book you were a 10+ both in perseverance and as a daughter.

    I know your mother could have been prouder of you at the end of the night. You did everything right from bringing what you needed to survive as well as putting your focus on the happy bride and groom.

    You made memories yourself in many ways. You proved to yourself and to us that as much as we kick and fight about going forward, we can do it and will survive.

    Enjoy today, it is your day of freedom, you so deserve it. xx

  • Thank you so much, your opinion is very important to me. Unfortunately, since my dad is here only a few days, today is a crowded day in my house as there are guests coming to see him and talk to him. I carefully shut myself away in my bedroom and now I'm eating lunch while watching Sex and the city, I hope I don't get disturbed, my dad likes to make me go and hang out with the guests. x

  • I do hope you get some "me time" today. x

  • Well Done.. I knew you could do it...its often the worry about the event, is worse than the event itself..and it seems your mother understands you more than you think.and her forcing you to go was the best thing for you know , the bad things we worry about usually never so Happy for you.. xxxxx

  • thanks xx how are you?

  • I am taking each day as it comes, some days I feel o.k. other days I feel foggy, and off balance, and anxiety hits the roof...think I am low in b12 as it was 195 and my vitamin D was DR give me b12 supplements but they increase my anxiety,so I need to find a liquid form..its so confusing, all these supplements. dont really know the best one to DR is not much I will have to do some research

  • Yes, do your research and I am SO glad you had that all tested and started working on getting back your health :) x

  • Well done. A great achievement to set you up for the next event


  • Thank you :)

  • So proud of you it was making me very emotional to read it as I know what a huge deal it was for you

    This is it now you can conquer it

    I couldn't be happier for you

    Very very very well done You are amazing xx

  • Thank you so much I love your guys' support you are all so lovely x

  • A pleasure my sweet we are all here for you xx

  • So happy for you sweetlolly11! Congratulations for getting through this I know how tough it was considering all the things you have been going through. Very positive and great attitude when you looked at it from a different perspective, about the bride and groom and their celebration of love. You sound like you took great care and babied yourself through it, making sure you were ok despite the panic attacks. Once again, well done! Lots of love.

  • Thanks so much, bless you x

  • Lots of reasons to be proud of yourself.

    Reflect on your anticipatory anxiety and how much it fooled you into believing that certain things would happen, but didn't happen. During the wedding, you were participating and contributing, dealing with each moment in smaller chunks. Hopefully, the experience (before, during and after) will help you to realise that there is a difference. Maintain participation in situations like these to build confidence and minimise anxiety.

    Although it seemed forced at the time, but in reflection, was mum's imposition helpful?

  • The imposition itself, no, but the way she handled it once she realized how much I was suffering, yes. I just didn't want to feel like I was under someone else's rules, completely under someone's control. After my family made the decision for me that I had to go, my mom listened more and at least aided to my needs. That's all I really ever ask for - to be understood. I am just a human being.

  • Away from the pressure of a social commitment, have a chat to her about these issues; it may repair some of the misunderstandings.

    What's your view on your anticipatory suffering and the actual demands of the social occasion?

  • The anticipatory suffering is 10 times worse than the actual situation, definitely. I couldn't sleep, I was restless, I couldn't think straight, all I could do was obsess about the situation and couldn't wait for it to happen. When it actually happened, basically my reaction was: so this is it? I mean, it's kinda rough, but it's fine I guess, what the hell, why didn't I remember there'd be this much food. Mostly like that haha

  • That's good. Take a snapshot of what you have just written. When anticipatory anxiety strikes again, apply your own therapy.

    Your mum was decisive about you going (family loyalty etc.) but it was against your anxious handling (which is usually avoidance). Do you think that if you had made the same decision to go, that your anticipation would have been different?

  • I don't quite understand the question, care to explain?

  • You were intent on not going to the wedding which made your anticipatory anxiety worse. In avoidance mode, you are not searching for internal coping resources, just ways to get out of the situation. When you are decisive about doing something, your perspective changes; you consider "how" you will cope rather than "I can't cope".

    If you had decided earlier that you were going to go, do you think that the build up would have been different?

  • I was actually going to go and that's what made it worse. I was trying to prepare myself mentally to go, the decision was actually mine in the first place. But then just one day before the wedding I said to my family I might not go, and it was totally unacceptable and I started to panic for real.

  • In reflection are you glad that you went?

  • Hi Sweetlolly11. I am so proud of you. You should be proud of yourself. Sometimes we have to push ourselves. Keep up the good work . You have inspired me and others.

  • thank you x

  • You are very welcome Sweetlolly11.

  • Check out my newest post if you'd like x

  • I also take water with me every where I go, and a valium before I leave the house.

  • So glad you did it!

  • Well done you!! I was thinking about you and I knew you'd do it. Plus you made your moms day too!! A happy day for everyone and a huge positive step for you😀

  • Well done xc

  • Well done it obviously took a lot to go you did really well :)

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