Need advice

[Christory77]

First off, please don’t judge or try to scare me. I see quite a bit of that when it comes to this topic. My anxiety for about the last month has been a 12/10. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t leave my room. My head feels like someone is squeezing it and won’t stop. My head sometimes shakes and then feels like it is but isn’t. Same with my hands. I keep feeling a warm sensation on my face around my eyes, ears, and neck. It’s driving me crazy. I don’t understand it at all. I’ve tried breathing but it’s not helping at all. For some reason I can’t seem to shake it this time. I was given a .5 xanax prescription for those emergency events. I’ve taken a total of 3 cut in half to .25. They do help. I’m terrified of developing an addiction. I don’t think I can be having withdrawal from 3 (.25) pills, but these are the exact symptoms associated with benzo withdrawal. Am I imagining all of this? It’s soooooo real to me. I’m terrified, alone, and don’t know what to do.

[Agora1]

Hi Christory77, we all try to handle our responses delicately knowing how sensitive our nervous system is with anxiety. I hope you haven't felt like you were being judged or someone trying to scare you. That's not our objective. I always tell new people to open to responses but pick and choose what is good for you and discard the rest. There's a lot of good advice and problem solving from others who have gone through the same thing as you. We are all in different stages of anxiety but consequently have all gone through the same fears and thoughts.

Everyone at one time or another was offered a medication in order to break the cycle of our fear. Under a doctor's care, it is not addicting. Your 3 small doses of Xanax not only gave you relief but hopefully reassured you that the sensations and symptoms are coming from anxiety and nothing more. It doesn't mean you will be on it forever. The symptoms you are experiencing are severe anxiety which overtaxes our nervous system causing these weird sensations.

Reading books on anxiety can help you learn how to be more accepting and comfortable in a situation. The more you learn and practice the better you will feel. Going forward and not staying stuck in your room is the goal right now. It may be a good time to read Dr. Claire Weekes book on Hope and Help for your Nerves. It is an easy read book that will further explain what you are sensing and feeling and how to address it.

I hope this response was comforting to you. Small steps Christory77, will lead to your goal.

[Christory77 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for responding again. No I haven’t felt attacked. It’s mainly reading past posts about benzos as well as other sites. People feel strongly about them. They sometimes honestly speak of their experience without maybe understanding they are maybe not helping in the way they mean to. I’m open to any advice. It’s just when people say you’re on a dangerous road, you will end up..... it just makes me feel like I’ll never make progress. For me to have taken the Xanax was huge. I have a huge medication phobia. After a period of feeling as bad as I was, out of desperation I took it. That really was a major step for me. Then the realization of what have I done settled in. I’m seeing 2 counselors but I’m not exactly happy with either. Maybe my approach is wrong. I’m wanting them to teach me how to use mindfulness or any tools to help and get mainly say nothing. I find myself just saying whatever comes to mind because otherwise the conversation doesn’t seem to go anywhere. It’s just been a very frustrating process for me. I tried to find a support group and thought I had, but they wanted a membership fee and I wasn’t even sure I could find what I was looking for there anyway. I’m just trying to find my way back, one step at a time.

[Agora1 in reply to Christory77]

And you will find your way back Christory77, It does take time and patience and maybe finding a therapist you connect to better. I totally understand how huge a step that was to finally accept a medication. Most of us are like that. With one hand out we want help and with the other, we draw back in fear. It's only when we take that leap of faith will we get the help we so need.

Therapy is a difficult process to go through. Many times we feel the time was not used to our best advantage. Unless we are guided by a good therapist, it can feel as if we are just babbling and wasting the session. There should always be a back and forth contribution to the session. One person should not do all the talking. There should be homework either written or mentally to take with you to discuss at the next session.

As for more individualized support Christory, always know you can Personal Message anyone you may feel comfortable with to share your journey. This is a great forum that can be beneficial along with therapy. It will all come together ...

[Jeff1943 in reply to Christory77]

Fear of anti-anxiety medications is itself a symptom of anxiety. When anxiety becomes overwhelming it is helpful to take a break from it and medications have a major part to play in recovery. Meds have allowed hundreds of thousands of people to continue with family and work responsibilities and the fear of addiction is greatly exaggerated without justification.

[Fearoffear]

Please take your benzo it really will give you relief. I took 2mg a day for 7 years and my doctor cut me cold turkey and the withdrawal was very minimal and I took it faithfully everyday. I am a recovering alcoholic and I don't feel I had any addiction problem to my benzo. Everyone is different but taking it faithfully for 1 month isn't going to make an addiction it will just calm your physical symptoms and turn down your fight or flight response so you mind and body can feel relief to heal. I never take my own advice so here it goes and you can ignore it too, lol. Relax and know this won't last forever, breath and touching what is bothering you repeat "Even though I am feeling this problem with ____, I am completely safe and I except this feeling." I know it's a bunch of phyche out mumbo jumbo but sometime you just have to speak to yourself and your anxiety to know you are safe and you are enough fr yourself. Life's hard don't let anyone tell you different, but there is help and support for your hard times. Peace, love and light!

[Christory77 in reply to Fearoffear]

Thank you so much!! I do find I’m telling myself “you’re ok” which gets comical because then I think ok you’re talking to yourself lol. I appreciate all the support here. It’s nice to have people who care and will help me on this journey.

[guynfl2chat]

Xanax is fine to take to help with these situations. It turns off the body sensations so you can function. Dont worry about being addicted to it at this point. Do you take a tylenol for a headache? Its the same principal. Xanax might be needed for a few days or week. This will make you feel better and allow your body to relax. I am the same way. I dont like to take the med, but i feel better when I do. You will have to decide the best course of treatment for yourself. Only you know how you feel. If benzos work for you.. please take them! You are not alone and we all balance the medication versus trying to handle it ourselves, but we need a little help sometimes

[Christory77]

You are all so wonderful. I am grateful for all the support and advice. It’s great to have that here and I appreciate you all.

[Jeff1943]

Christory77, anxiety plays all sorts of tricks on us and all the symptoms you describe fall into that category. But anxiety's bark is worse than its bite: it may frighten us and make us feel miserable but its can't kill us, disable us or send us crazy. The power of anxiety is limited.

It helps if we know how we've ended up this way and things always follow a pattern. For some time you must have been under pressure maybe caused by worry, stress, over work and disappointment. Eventually our nervous system has had enough and it throws a wobbly: it becomes over-sensitised. In this state it mimics genuine physical illness, sends us all sorts of bad feelings and strange thoughts and turns us into enthusiastic hypochondriacs: every headache becomes a tumour and every palpitation becomes heart failure.

The trouble is every symptom we experience causes a flash of fear and sensitised nerves thrive on fear. So they push out more symptoms causing more fear causing more symptoms and round and round it goes. If only we could stop reacting to symptoms with fear then after a while our nervous system would lose its sensitivity and return to normal

So if you didn't know it before you now know how anxiety works and that gives the opportunity to do someyhing about it. Because you can recover from anxiety, Christory77, you're not going to feel the way you do for the rest of your life.

The way forward to recovery relies on breaking the vicious circle of fear-symptoms-fear-more synptoms ad infinitum. We do this by temporarily 'accepting' all the frightening symptoms calmly despite how uncomfortable they make us feel and attaching less importance to them. We do this in stages, Acceptance isn't a quick fix cure, but you can't truly accept symptoms and fear them at the same time.

Acceptance therapy has helped hundreds of thousands of people to recover from anxiety in the last 50 years. Agora1 has referred to Claire Weekes and her first book 'Hope and help for your nerves', this is the book in which acceptance therapy was first set out and if you search for it on Amazon you'll find more than 500 reader reviews and more than 90% rated it Very Good or Excellent. The phrase 'saved my life' crops up regularly in these reviews. I believe that if you decided to read this book it would allow you to slay the Beast, take control of your life once more and lead you step by step towards your full recovery.

[Christory77]

Thank you. I will definitely get the book.