Alrighty so. Anxiety for the most part is still a new thing for me. Had my first and most life changing one around October of 2017, which completely changed my life. Living life as an invincible strong young man at the age of 20, having a anxiety attack that damn near makes you lose your mind for 7 hours with adrenaline pumping is a humbling experience to say in the least, especially when you’ve never experienced an attack in your life ever.
I struggled immensely after that, feeling scared for the first time of my life, de realization etc etc.
Fast forward now I only experience anxiety every so often. I made massive progress in such a short time but, it took a big hit at my pride as a man feeling so weak towards something uncontrollable (for the most part).
Anyway, happy story is, I no longer have those anxiety attacks. The first one was my most devastating and brutal. I had my friend put his hand on my chest and felt like I was about to die. Funnily enough I knew it was an anxiety attack, but I thought anxiety and heart attack were synonymous at the time so I was convinced 1. I lost my mind and was going to need to go to the white room. 2. I had done massive damage to my heart. 3. I felt like I literally died on the inside.
Long story short I’ve managed to control it a little more. Thankfully my father has Tourette’s and experienced anxiety attacks before (thankfully in terms of being able to understand how I felt) , and was able to comfort a sobbing son who confessed he thought he was going to die at the ripe age of 20.
I had four coffees that day which I believe, triggered the attack.
Later on, I’ve found that sometimes coffee doesn’t help. I can do by with lighter less strong coffees, but stronger coffees give me raving thoughts and generally make me feel uncomfortable.
Yesterday I had an espresso before the gym and noticed anxiety felt slightly higher than usual.
Well l, yesterday right before falling asleep I kept jolting awake, right before falling asleep. This happened probably 3-4 times in total.
Here’s how it would go.
3 AM. Body’s exhausted, mind worn out. I begin to fall asleep. Right as I start falling asleep, BAM. My mind thinks I forgot to keep breathing and I’m jolted awake. This happens 3-4 times which makes me irritated, angry and mad at myself for thinking that I would stop breathing in my sleep. Ever since I had the anxiety attack I’ve struggled with thoughts of forgetting to breathe, but I’ve worked on it as I understand it’s an autonomic process. Still, clearly my mind still thinks otherwise as I fall asleep and am jolted awake.
Is it all placebo? Is my mind making up the anxiety?
I find that SOMETIMES when I drink alcohol or consume caffeine, I jolt awake right as I fall asleep, much more often than if I don’t consume alcohol or caffeine.
What gives? If I don’t consume either substance I’m less likely to experience these events, but I’m not sure if I’m making this placebo style effect up or if I’m genuinely experiencing anxiety like this before sleep.
Thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated.