So I’m causally looking through Facebook when a woman I don’t know messaged me and sends me screenshots of my boyfriend on a dating site!!! She tells me he’s messaged her but SHE hasn’t met him.. guess others could have! I’m broken and he’s working away as usual guess I’ve been blinded for a long time.. don’t know how to handle it, we live together etc and I have a tendency to blow my top. I’m a wreck and don’t know what to do?
So this just happened..: So I’m causally... - Anxiety Support
So this just happened..
Written by
RachieW
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
40 Replies
•
Well, facebook wasn't very friendly to you today....or maybe it was actually TOO friendly. I don't facebook much except with family, so don't know how this woman messaged you without being on your friend list, knew who you were, and why she would do this, etc. If you trust your man, take a few deep breaths, calm down a bit and think this over. (And maybe close the facebook indefinitely).
I'm not certain what to offer you, except maybe to have a calm talk with him, tell him you trust him, and let him know someone tried to hurt you, and what happened to you today. Don't drag out the facebook message with the photos and all. Just talk with him and keep a cool head (even if that means using the ice bucket) and let him talk. There may be more to all this than you know; it was a stranger who contacted you. He's not. I hope that all is not what the stranger made it out to be and that you two talk about it when you can do so calmly.x
Thanks for your reply.. it came through as a request as she isn’t friends with me and I have all outside contact blocked. I already sent him the screenshot of the message she sent me.. when I asked her she said he’d messaged her and she looked him up and found out he was in a relationship with me and stopped conversation with him and let me know. I have a tendency to react angrily due to my anxiety I can’t calm down. I know he won’t reply till the morning as he’s asleep now as he’ll be up early for work.. well so I assume anyway. Thanks for your kind calming words it did help.
Well, it may not be your anxiety that you can't calm down this time. After you explained all of that, it may be down to earth plain hurt. You don't know if he actually looked at the screenshot you sent him today, so you don't know what tomorrow morning will bring. As you live together, did he manage to come home and go to bed without talking to you? I'm here.
Still, believe would be better if you can keep your calm. You don't need an ulcer. Still hoping there is more to this than it looks like. If it's not, better you knew and the two of you could decide about your future together.
You write and reason like a very intelligent woman and your photo is absolutely lovely. Really can't believe you are with a man that could be that naive that he wouldn't know he's traceable on facebook, particularly after the stranger told him why she was breaking off communication with him. (I wanted to say "stupid", but didn't. That would be ugly of me.)
Do you have a close friend you can confide in tonight who really will keep your confidence? Think maybe that would be helpful for your current anxiety.
I keep saying "tonight" as it's after 6 pm EST here.
I doubt he saw it tonight as he gets up early.. he’s a long distance lorry driver so doesn’t come home during the week leaves on Monday and comes home Friday and so he isn’t here for me to speak to.. unfortunately or fortunately whichever way you look at it ha. Yes I’ve confided in a close friend but she has her own issues too and I’m embarrassed to admit this to my friends. It’s triggered all my issues and I’m feeling terribly low right now. Times have been tough lately as I’ve got my father with terminal cancer but I don’t deserve this at all.
I'm old enough to be your Mom, wanted to let you know that. I practiced law in Florida, USA. Sometimes I believe I've either seen it or heard it all. I feel I am fair to men and protective of women. We are going through a "me too"and "speak out" movement here at the moment. Are you in England? Know privacy is important on this forum, but want to keep the differences in our words and time zones in perspective. Wanted you when you would be going to bed and if I would be up if you need to "talk" more.
No, you don't "deserve" any bad treatment by anyone. Maybe better to put off talking with him by phone for awhile for you to let out your feelings and have time to calm. But he will probably be thinking "Oh, s..t" when he looks at his phone tomorrow.
Please remember sometimes good people can do really stupid things.
Thanks, I’m in the UK it’s currently 4am I have dozed a little but it’s been hard as the anxiety and depression have flared and I’ve been having shortness of breath and crazy dreams. He has replied to me saying he has no idea where it’s come from and he says he’s been set up but I don’t understand where this person has stole the photo from if this is the case as it isn’t visible on any public platform. Having done some snooping of my own this women’s profile on Facebook appears to be fake so I guess he could be telling the truth although I’d expect him to be a little more upset than he appears to be
Ok. It's going on midnight here. Glad you have found some things that may balance the scales as who this woman was and why she contacted you. You have gotten some sleep;that's good. He's awake early like you said he would be and you have communicated. Try to get some more sleep;it's not going to easy to sleep particularly as you have talked a little but haven't resolved the matter and new questions have been raised. I hope you don't have any more of the negative dreams. Maybe the issue is shifting from him doing this to why someone would have done this to him or you as a couple. I'm going to lie down as my night meds have been taken.
But will be thinking of you and admire you that you didn't lose it on the phone this morning. You seem to be holding your anxiety and hurt in control and that's not easy. You're a good woman and hope you get the answers you deserve before long. I'll be trying to check on you after I try to get a little sleep too. Insomnia is an unwelcomed acquaintance of mine. x
Hope you have slept well. I’m up and facing my day. We’ve had a good chat and he’s very upset saying that he’s been set up as he’s never done that or wouldn’t do it and I do in some way believe him but I’m still angry and I think the anger is fogging my mind a little. He does sound really upset by it all and I know he can’t fake that so I guess we’ll have to see what happens from here. Thanks for talking to me and calming me down last night I fear if I hadn’t calmed down I’d have been much worse.
Ok, I'm up and opened my computer to check on you. I didn't sleep much last night, but was very glad to read your message. You sound a bit calmer, but would be normal for you to still have some very mixed feelings about all this. as this column is getting so skinny, I'm going to try to send you now either a new message or a PM as room is running out on this one....
So it's afternoon for you by now, yes? Have you eaten anything? Am glad to see your further communication sent 3 hours ago on your time appeared to be a bit more promising. Your last message reached me 3 hours ago, but I had finally fallen asleep until now, or I would have responded sooner. What has happened since you sent your message 3 hours ago? Are you ok or has anything more happened to disturb you?x
Sorry that happened, and sorry you can't speak to him about it right now must be torture to have to wait to speak with him. Take the rest of the night to calm down that way when you speak with him you can be calm about it. I honestly don't know what excuse he can give you. I wish you the best in handling that situation.
HearYou in reply to
She's a sharp woman with insight about how she doesn't want to lose her temper and anxiety and is already considering how to deal with this. Has sent him the sceenshot that he will see when he wakes up. But she's feeling too low right now to be in control to talk, and is concerned her anxiety may take over with anger and argument. Needs time to calm herself and consider how to handle this.
RachieW in reply to
Thanks he says it’s not him he wouldn’t do that as he isn’t that way but I don’t understand where the pic came from. I guess we’ll just have to work through it, I’m just hurt from it all as he’s been my support through everything just lately
RachieW, there are all kinds of hackers that can get into your profile and take pics. If he has been your support, perhaps you should ask him to help you get this girl reported instead of believing her. She may be interested in him and needs you out of the way so to speak. Be sure you are rested before you talk to him. Has he ever given you reason to doubt his commitment to you in the past ?
No he’s never given me a reason. This was a complete shock! He says she must be setting him up however she is. I want to believe him it’s just knocked me a little
well, blowing your top wont help anything. Not sure I would believe what I hear on the internet but anyway, what would be the motive to do that to you and to him? Sounds suspecious for sure. If your a couple, be alone and talk with him about this and see how he reacts. Its probably bogus but getting angry wont help your relationship regardless. Make a decision with what u come up with is my opinion.
You are thinking the same things as I did when she first posted. Then she replied with information that tends to substantiate the possibility that her man may have actually done a very stupid thing, needs to think about their future as a couple if true.
I’m not sure on the motive he could have upset someone somewhere along the line and they’ve decided to get revenge people can be like that I guess. The woman’s profile on Facebook appears to be fake so suppose it could be anyone who sent it. I’ve calmed down somewhat now it’s just my anxiety sends me crazy and that’s when I blow
i hear ya. It takes a lot to be calm when something like that happens. I am like that as well I am trying to avoid overreacting for my own sake lol
I’m getting better at it.. things keep trying me though lol I think that I’d just rather have never known if it is true, just for the simple fact that my mind will obsess over this for ages
yes, sounds like your a anxiety veteran since that is what goes on with me. I obsess about one thing or another and cannot get it out of my mind! LOL.. Its not as extreme as it sounds but I do have to from time to time, find ways to relax and distract my thoughts. Especially if I am not feeling well. Anything on the internet these days u got to suspicious about. So many people out to scam or hack, its crazy! lol
How did they know you were his girlfriend ?
RachieW in reply to
She says she looked him up on Fb and found his profile.. and found out that way
in reply to RachieW
So he has you as his gf on Facebook ?. I still don't get how she went from a dating site to Facebook ?. He was looking for someone new using his real name or the same name he uses on Facebook ?.
RachieW in reply to
Yes he has me on Fb as in a relationship.. supposedly on this ‘site’ he is using a different name.. so either he told her his name and she looked him up or it’s a set up entirely and they obviously know his name
in reply to RachieW
I'd be looking at your boyfriend to be honest. Attention seeking !!.
RachieW in reply to
Who’s attention seeking?
Touche, RachieW, touche. 
You've already been down that road and are now trying to work with your man to resolve matters. And that's a positive approach to handling the situation. Attention seeking was never the issue.
in reply to RachieW
He is, he is trying to make you jealous and get your attention.
HearYou in reply to
Oh, Joey, please don't suggest this. Your opinion counts just like all the others who have replied, but can't you see she is finally calm enough to try to work this out first, without thinking possible negative things about him. Her earlier posts stated they really do have a good relationship and he has been her support particularly lately.
If he were doing this to her, I would be the first one to join you in suggesting a shoe print on his backside and locking the door afterward.
Ah Facebook. Don't you just love it?! " Aaaagggghhh"!!!
Hi RachieW. Hope you're well. Please try not to worry too much as there may well be an explanation as Facebook is one of those social media sites vulnerable to so much abuse & manipulation.
If I had a tenner for every case I've heard & been involved in @ Court where somewhere in the evidence comes the name Facebook.
Last year there was a case in which originally photos/email had been passed between two mates in all innocence. By the time it had been passed to each person' friends books & intercepted & mucked about by some unscrupulous "bellend", one of the fellahs had been living a double life in bigamy with another woman in a different town with 2 kids!! It was complete bollox & invented with malice. The perpetrator had never even met let alone knew the victim.
It's a sad fact of life that some folk get their jollies simply by trying to feck up the lives of others. Do you ever watch the Jeremy Kyle show? I appreciate it'll be torture (!) but watch an episode & count how many times Facebook is mentioned @ the root of all problems.
Talk with you boyfriend slowly & breathing deeply to help keep your cool. I'm a Lead Counsel in "real life" so I'm aware of all the possibilities you will be confronted with but remember life overflows with tossers who enjoy nothing more that messing with the lives of others.
Best of luck, FB 🇮🇪
Many thanks for your reply. I have indeed seen Jeremy Kyle and you’re correct it is torture. I am aware of the manipulation some people are hell bent on causing and I do now after calming down and speaking with him believe someone has done this out of being generally a dick! Not nice for me with all my issues though and trusting people is one of my issues. I’m sure we will come out the other side.
One of our Techies once showed me how much can be done via a laptop with ver little adaption & I was gobsmacked! Very little info is required to even access a bank account & folk regularly & willingly chuck enough of their details into their weekly re-cycling bins. Weve seen cases where folk aren't being burgled but having their recycling bins stolen for the details in them (NI Nos, catalogue customer details, Hospital outpatient codes, etc.). And it's all being done by an Eejit with nothing better to do.
Finglas- boy,
You are right about that. Even emails offered into evidence are sometimes accepted if the attorney offers them as printed directly from computer or other device. Did that regarding fraud as hit marks on the Ebay sale photo of an alleged "game used" Derrick Jeter bat were the same as the marks on the fake bat sold and mailed to Florida from California. That one ended up on US TV show "People's Court".
Have a root through your recycling bin & think like a fraudster - you'd be amazed how little you need to embark on the 1st step of embezzlement. You can get a new passport starting with the info on a gravestone! 🇮🇪
I would start going thru his emails find out his log in to this site he says he is being set up on.
I don’t even know his log in details so would have a job to do so
Maybe just as well. May be tempted to do that, but it can backfire and set things back if he is being truthful to you and then learns you were doing that. Sometimes letting matters to calm down a bit so the two of you can work on this together, instead of pushing into everything you COULD do, may be more productive.
Difficult to be a bit patient, but you're an intelligent woman and seem to be holding on rather well at the moment. OK?x
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
feeling a little bit nervous with just happen to me.
really nervous feeling that my head feels wierd dont know but i feel like something really is wrong...
Just a rant: So f'ed off with it all
I don't know. If anything, the daydreams make me smile. They are happy dreams. I'm guessing that I...
why are people so ignorant or is it just me
terrible rut. And on top of all my other problems, my dog, who is 11 now and ive had since she was...
Dizziness just so hard to ignore, and accept...
I dont know WHAT just happened
Is it going to happen 
