Waiting for nurse to phone me back

[Jane3285]

I'm in a bit of a mess. I'm just waiting for the nurse to phone me back regarding the side effects my tablets are causing. My other half is out right now and I'm in the house with my daughter sitting here scared out my wits. I'm hiding it well I think.

[Francop]

Relax don’t over think I was just in your position take long breaths I just read a book to get out of my mind

[Jane3285 in reply to Francop]

Hi thankyou. Trying to find a distraction nothing seems to be working at the moment. Nurse rang back she was very understanding. She's gone to speak with a dr and will phone back again soon. Hopefully they'll do some blood tests. Just worried they're going to say it's your anxiety. I just need thst piece of mind you know

[Jane3285 in reply to Jane3285]

Peace even not piece sorry

[Francop in reply to Jane3285]

I feel you I’ve had so many EKGs blood test etc it’s better not to think but occupy yourself idk I always did some random things like I have anxiety right now but what makes me calm is to come to this page and help people till I ve gone to sleep currently 3 am lol

[Jane3285 in reply to Francop]

Hi the Dr has decided to try me on a lower dose of propanalol to see how I get on. He feels the side I'm in is to high and causing my side effects

[Janieliza]

I'm sorry I'm late with a reply here. How are you doing?. It's very scary to find yourself in these situs. Very. I'm sure you've done the deep breathing exercises and focusing...yes yes I know it's hard to do anything when it's happening but for the future...please try. If successful...its comforting and will ease the anxiety(nothing takes it away completely) but if you get to a place where you know and rationalise...call it your safe place. It can range from a beach in the Caribbean to a chair on its own in a room. Wherever it is...go there when you are having an attack. I used to visualise myself walking thro a field...in that field was a red door(yes I know but it worked). When I was having an anxiety attack I would close my eyes and breath in thro my nose slowly 1...2...3...4 (all the while I was walking to the door) out thro my mouth slowly 5...6...7...8 and i would repeat it until I was calmer. I'd get to the door and i would have calmed right down. No I never opened the door..its What you visualise and where you can get to. This is incredibly frightening and esp when meds are throwing out scary side effects. The breathing is paramount....focus if you can..easier said than done, right?. I know...i know. Believe this or not....be proud of yourself for coming here. Whether it be your subconscious or conscious thought...you did the right thing. This site is wonderful isn't it? I'm so pleased someone was here for you. I'm sorry I can't be more help...just please know you aren't alone. You truly aren't. If you can...please let us know how you are. Take care. Janie.

[Jane3285 in reply to Janieliza]

Hi thankyou. I'm trying my breathing it works for a short while. My partner really doesn't understand how awful this is for me and just says "Well stop worrying" "cheer up " etc you know. I feel like I can't turn to anyone. I'm getting worse and I feel so alone. Yes this site is helpful. I'm pleased you found a coping mechanism. Mine used to be listening to music but even that's not doing much lately

[Janieliza in reply to Jane3285]

Isn't that awful?. Do you know I came to the realisation when myself and my ex husband split up that he didn't get it. He, like your husband would tell me to stop worrying and to snap out of it. He got so frustrated that he stood there and shouted "What do you want me to do...pop a vein?..will that work?". It's absolutely heartbreaking when the person you share your life and children(maybe) with doesn't understand. He could very well be scared also...men go into their man cave and.. (you know when a child doesn't want to listen and puts their fingers in their ears and does the whole "lah lah lah lah laaahhh") they do that. It doesn't help no bcas to have him just say to you "What can I do to make it better and I'm here for you" i know would help you. I am truly sorry you are alone thro this there. You know you have a whole family on here that will support you and have your back yet I know exactly what it's like not to have the support at home. I'm pleased however you were doing the breathing. I am concerned you are getting worse and by the sounds of it...meds aren't right either. It's a lonely place to be in our heads and cheer up is something we definitely don't need to be told. Don't they think we'd be smiling and cheering up if it was possible?. "Hello...knock knock" to our loved ones...of course we would. They need to get your meds sorted...and asap!. This is incredibly unfair on you and it's a fear like ive never felt in any other aspect of my life(apart from the character's with the red noses...i have coulrophobia) . Anyone who doesn't have it..doesnt know the despair we feel. I've been to the darkest place, I couldn't get out and I was petrified. Please believe me when I say there is a light...its hard work and I've come thro it following decades of suffering. I know this is torture for you. I know you suffer. Please just try to chat on here...its a great deflection isn't it?. I send you my best wishes. Janie.

[Jane3285 in reply to Janieliza]

Thankyou so much. I'll start by saying sorry you suffered for so long. I'm pleased you found thst light at the end of the tunnel. I know you'll still have days that are harder than others though. We just have to find coping mechanisms. I think my partner is scared. He doesn't know what to say or do. I guess out of fear of saying the wrong thing or offending me (I'm very sensitive) . My mum is really the only one I can open to. She seems to know how to snap me out of it for a short period. I am actually scared of pushing people away. I really don't want to do that. I do have a child. I have a 6 year old daughter. She's my saving grace (funny because that's het name too haha) . I really dread where I would be or what I would do if it wasn't for her. I know I'm getting worse. I've hit a brick wall and I don't know how to break it down. It was generalised anxiety I was diagnosed with but at the moment I'm worrying about my health and terrified of dying.

[Jane3285]

I know my partner tries his best and it must be hell living with me sometimes but I just need someone to listen sometimes. I feel my dr didn't really look into what was best for me before . 80mg a day is far too much for me. They said they'll reduce my dose and see how I get on. Fingers crossed that will work.

[susannaylor]

Hello Jane 3285 . I just sent you a long letter then it got deleted. But in a short version now just to let you know that people who have never gone through anything like this don't understanding.

But I went to counciling which did help me. You need to tell your brain that it's not going to rule your body x be strong and tell yourself nothing is going to happen and you are in control of your life and body and won't be controlled by what your brainis saying. You have one life and you need to do what you want to do for yourself x it can be done Jane. I've achieved it x I'm 98% better since last april and imin control of of brain and body now x try it hun x it's true x

[Jane3285 in reply to susannaylor]

Hi you are right. I had some counselling but was signed off. I think I could do with going back though. I need help I admit that. I need to get better or I'm going to push people away.

[susannaylor]

Jane it's not easy to control but just keep thinking your the only one that can control your brain it's not a easy journey but you will get there for yourself and your daughter x keep in touch hunny

[Jane3285 in reply to susannaylor]

I'll make sure I keep in touch. This site is a big help to me. I'm reading everything and taking it all in.

[susannaylor]

Yes this site is a great help as you don't feel as your the only one going through this shite x when you get half hour to yourself of a day time just either lay on your bed in the quiet turn your phone's off and just relax either listening to soft relaxing music or a little reading x that did give me a little help as well. If you can get out and have a little walk just around the block. Just need to take relaxing time out for yourself during the day x you will did this hun cause you font want to be in this life your living at this moment you deserve a better life. So tell your brain to stop feeding you all these things you don't want to be and bugger off cause your in control. This might sound silly but it surely works hunny . Take care x x

[Jane3285 in reply to susannaylor]

Thankyou. I think I'll stick some music on and have a tidy up. I need to keep telling myself I'm in control.

[susannaylor in reply to Jane3285]

Yes your in control and don't let your brain tell you any different x tell it to bugger off if it trys to mess you up x take care hun x

[Jane3285]

Thankyou. Take care yourself