Help! Attending funeral!

[Mexa88]

Hi everyone,

I am attending my boyfriends grandfathers funeral tomorrow and I am freaking out! I suffer social anxiety and GAD so the whole thought of being squashed inside a church for the service and then standing around at the burial makes me panic.

I am really worried that I will have a panic attack, get lightheaded/dizzy and pass out in front of everyone and make a massive fool of myself in front of his family.

Does anyone have any tips to help get me through? Or any positive stories where you have been in the same boat and came through ok? I really want to be a supportive girlfriend but I’m so worried I won’t be able to do it! Not going to the funeral is not an option for me. Any help would be so appreciated!

[Blueshirt]

Try to sit at the back. Near a quick exit. Reassuring to know it’s there. Pretend you’re an actress in a film. Act out the part. Memorise a handful of condolences. Keep repeating them to yourself and when introduced then to others. And, as always, do your slow concentrated breathing in church and at the after gathering. Good luck.

[Mexa88 in reply to Blueshirt]

Thanks for your reply!

I won’t be able to sit at the back as my partner will be up the front with his family. Otherwise I would be headed straight for the back row to make a quick escape 🙁

I have been prescribed 2mg of Valium but I am so scared to take them in case i don’t like the feeling of them and I’m unable to stand at the burial. I’ve never taken them before

[Blueshirt in reply to Mexa88]

Can u give the Valium a test run?

But, in any event try to think of the service as nothing more than a class assembley. Deep breaths through your nose. Feel the air coming into your diaphragm and concentrate your thoughts on the journey of that air as it goes in and out. Or, think about the sound of sea waves breaking on sandy shore. And remember, at the end of the day nothing matters. Nothing is important. Put your hand on your boyfriends back. Squeeze his hand. He’ll be struggling too. And, any outward signs of your anxiety people will only assume is grief so no one will notice.

Good luck.

[susieanna]

If you have any, take a 5mg valium; just dont drink anything; have soft drinks/ tea. Or dont stay too long, maybe dont go to the wake? If it really comes to it, dont go; with this anxiety disorder it wouldnt be your fault xx

[susieanna]

Oh right, oh no, you will be fine with a 2mg valium, trust me; it will slightly relax you, just dont drink any booze.

[Jeff1943]

Mexa88, you won't get dizzy and pass out and make a fool of yourself, people with anxiety think they will but they never do. So go to the funeral and the worse that can happen is you feel panicky so what you do is just accept it as calmly as you're able. Panic isn't nice but it isn't life threatening, the real problem is the FEAR of having a panic attack not the panic itself.

So do what you fear and the end of fear is assured, if panic comes just say to yourself "So what? I'm having a panicky feeling, I can live with it, it's going to pass in a few minutes anyway. I've had 'em before and I'll most prob have 'em again. So I'll just accept it fir the time being rather than rushing for the door. At least I know I'm not going to pass out because anxiety doesn't have the power to do that. Panic attack- I laugh in your face!"

That's the way to handle panic and do you know the more you accept it and stand your ground the less you fear them and less fear gives your nerves a chance to recover and before long you don't get panicky feelings any more.

So stop fighting panic and bad feelings, fighting only cause more tension and stress, negative stuff, instead just accept the feeling calmly as you can.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Jeff1943]

Also...about the 2mg valium, you say you're scared to take them in case you don't like the feeling, Mexa, the feeling of valium is complete and utter calm, complete relief from anxiety for a good few hours. Bliss, in fact. And 2mg is the smallest therapeutic dose. Believe me, you'll like the feeling alright, as Blueshirt says give it a test run before then take two 2mg or a 5mg on the big day. You'll be fine believe me.