Issues with 11 yr old

[Wyominganxiety]

So my son keeps stealing money from me out of my purse, my dresser doesn't matter, were on a very tight income so every dime we have is to pay some sort of bill. We have grounded him, taken his game system and he still doesn't stop.. I let it get to me pretty bad this time and told him if he keeps disrespecting us we will call the cops on him and maybe check into a boys school..i felt so bad because he broke down crying.. my anxiety is on overdrive and I feel like a horrible mom... depressed!

[HearYou]

Hummm. Yep, guess you do feel terrible. It doesn't make you a terrible Mom. Sometimes it is difficult to be careful what one says when frustrated; but you're right, it's not an excuse for doing it. Just realizing your error proves your NOT a bad Mom. You are beating yourself enough, so ease up a little on the guilt. I suspect that you tried to explain to your son that adults make mistakes sometimes. Maybe you will find out WHY he continues to snatch loose cash from your purse and bedroom. Even though money is very tight, that's hard for a child to understand and actually "compute". Perhaps you could consider if you can set aside a small amount for him each week for him to have as an "allowance" if he completes his chores? Life is hard; raising a child on limited money is even harder. You are a good Mom; you are proving the essentials of life for him and working as hard as you can to pay the bills.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM. xx

[Hidden]

Don't feel that way sometimes kids act out after a certain age, but if he keeps doing it I would definitely send him to an all boys school. But first I would talk to him find out what he is doing with the money he takes maybe getting him a counselor he can talk to

[Agora1]

Hi Wyominganxiety, don't feel bad, you actually were using a part of tough love. 11 years old is old enough to start having some pretty serious problems. What is he using the money for? My concern would be more about drugs. Rather than him going through your dresser, it might be wise for you to go through his room, making sure he is not hiding anything. You'd be surprised how much you can find out what your child is going through on what you find. You are right in being concerned about his behavior especially that even with being caught, he continues. Maybe he needs to see a counselor to get down to the root of him stealing.

More than ever today, we have to start early in setting rules that need to be obeyed, if not as he reaches the teen years, it will get harder. Stay strong. Your role as a mother is to be his guidance. Last but not least. No matter what is going on, Always, let your child know that you love him and that it's his behavior you do not like. That will give some peace of mind to both of you. I wish you well. I've been there. xx

[Wyominganxiety]

He is using it at school they have what they call the pencil store, small toys fancy notebooks things like that.. I'm just worried of what this could develop into think I might talk with his teacher see if we can start with the school counselor

[Agora1 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

I'm glad to hear you know it's an innocent reason. You are right in taking care of the matter before it does develop into something more serious. Sounds like he is just being a kid right now. The school counselors can be a great help. They know how to handle these situations as well as keeping you up dated on what you can do as well from home.

He will be okay, now you need to take care of bringing your anxiety levels down. That's what the forum is here for to support and hold each other up when the going gets rough. Breathe deeply and slowly exhaling while saying "this too shall pass" xx

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words I'm still pretty anxious but kids are asleep so I'm laying down early to try and relax.

[Agora1 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Goodnight dear It will all be okay. xx

[kevoreally]

I think its time to ensure that your purse and room are locked away at all times you can scold him all you want and he can yes you to death but the real change is from both you and your child start hiding your purse lock your bedroom doors Its unfortunate that this has come down to these measures but lessons can be learned from both parties

Im not here to lecture or judge or anything so please take this reply with all the positivity you can because im only here just giving advice im not trying to be a jerk or anything negative just trying to help give options

Another thing you could try is sitting down with him and simply have a chat maybe play a board game and during the process tell him how you feel and even though he is 11 and may not fully “compute” what you are saying to him parents have an emotional connection so maybe he will hear the pain in your voice

Maybe yelling or screaming (not saying this is what your doing) isnt getting through to him so maybe passionate conversations with inside voices may?

I feel as sometimes kids do things for attention from there parents or peers when they are young/young minded so he could be thriving for attention and the only way to get it is by stealing from you over and over..

also has he come home with new supplies or toys from school if so then thats exactly where the money is going but who is to say hes not saving it in a spot in his room

Long story short pull out a board game or help him with his homework and just have a chat with him about his behavior and if there is a reason he is doing it maybe kids are being cruel and they are talking about how cheap his supplies are or how they have mew gadgets and gizmos and he doesnt kids these days are ESPECIALLY CRUEL and when it comes back to them they go right to mommy and daddy or the principal becayse they cant handle what they dish

[Wyominganxiety in reply to kevoreally]

I didn't yell but my voice was stern I think I got through but I told him he needs to earn my trust back

[kevoreally in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Only time will tell not gonna lie but sometimes I think kids need a good smack here and there but the world thinks it to be cruel punishment i say it works.. hell it got my ass back in check when i stepped out of line thats for sure!

But its a new world and new laws stupid or not gotta follow hem -_-

[Mpa5524 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

If I did that I wouldnt be here right now to reply to this message. Society is to soft on these kids and this is why they do what they do, sometimes you just want to tell a judge "ok you take them and see how you do" best of luck to you.

[Hidden]

Steal his things, hide yours and see how he likes it.

[kenster1]

maybe see if you can have the police around just to have a polite few words with him that could help.why don't you get him involved more with housework/cooking gardening etc that way you can reward him with a couple of dollars each week rather than him stealing it.