I can't make decisions any more; the ones I make seem always wrong

[Blueshirt]

I am just having a panic attack at this minute and trying to cope. I miss my old life. I miss my old friends. Most of all I miss my late Mum and Dad. I have no family left. I am changing something; only small, but the prospect is killing me inside. All it is, is building in some wardrobes in my bedroom. Mum came out of hospital 2 years ago, stayed in my room for 4 days; then died in bed there. I often just stand next to my bed with my eyes closed remembering her there wishing I had done things differently in my life, but getting a connection with her and enjoying that closeness even though it's upsetting. But it I more comforting than it I suspecting and just standing there at the time of day she died I comforting. But I do need some wardrobes to put stuff in as I only have one. And I made the decision thinking that it was the right thing to do. But the prospect of the change is killing me with anxiety. Am I doing the right thing? Or, am I destroying the scene that I can still step into to remember Mum. Just sitting here typing this is bringing tears to me eyes. I feel so lonely and so so sad. I wish I'd looked after my Mum better and she was still here. I can't make decisions anymore. They all seem to be wrong. I cope most of the time, but I wish I hadn't paid for the wardrobes to be done now. Even though I need the storage space. Pathetic aren't I. I've wasted my life. Wasted time that I wished I'd spent with my Mum. Wish I'd spent more time with her, I wish I could have the certainty other people have. I miss her so much. Thanks for listening.

[Hellandheaven-91]

I understand how you feel,making changes is difficult and fearing,it's part of life..I think you should be proud of yourself for the decision you made,that Was the most difficult part so keep going! I'm sure your mum knew how much you love her and wants you to be ok..blaming yourself for not having Done things differently it's normal but Harming, y ou can't change the past..coping with illness and loss of loved ones it's horrible we are never prepared and we certainly alWays feel there's more we could have done for them..I've been through this too with my grandma and feel I made loTs of mistaKes with Her and tHen I lost Her too Soon, w ithout having the chance to repair..I know than feeling of beeing powerless and lonely..As I said before I support your decision of doing the wardrobes,it's an important Step and I don't think you're ruining anything, this doesn't mean you are forgetting your mum,you will always love Her and feel Her Close to you.maybe you should find another way to remember Her, maybe not during Her illness but during Her happy Times..And instead of keeping that scene idk keeping Her favourite shirt or someting like that..That helped me with my grandma..try to do sometHing you used to do with her,maybe it makes you feel better..Just try to find out another ''ritual'' to do for feeling Her Close instead of standing near that bed,that worked for me

Don't think you ruined your life,we just Learn and mature as we go,you have alla my support,hugs 😊 thanks for sharing 😊

[Blueshirt in reply to Hellandheaven-91]

Many thanks. I really appreciate you taking the time to write