Really struggling right now

Hi , just reaching out for support ... So many worries , my mum refuses to get help for her failing memory and I can't even hold a conversation with her anymore as she is confused and muddled eldest is depressed , dumped by his American fiancé after many plans and money spent ...he just has no one and is so lonely ...23 many problems I can't share youngest is brain injured epileptic and autistic and moving from a failing residential placement to a semi independant flat but he want to be independant ...their dad left us years ago and has no contact's all on me and I m not sure I can manage all this ...I,m trying to be mindful . Eat well and live in the moment but it all seems too much right now do other people cope with overwhelm ? X

10 Replies

  • I wish God will help you!!

  • My oh my you really do have multiple problems. I am so sorry that you have all this to contend with, you sound as if no one is there for you😢😢. You really do need to be able to have some me time, I appreciate that it will not be easy but you need a distraction. If it helps my Mum had dementia and for years I could not talk to her. I have 3 sons, two were really difficult, one had open heart surgery at 21, he is on warfarin and drinks a lot, the youngest I feel has a mental illness but won't get help, so I do understand a little of what you are going through. You now have to ask yourself what will help YOU, there has to be an outlet for you to get away from these problems for a while each day. Not knowing you personally it's difficult to suggest what can help, also what you can financially afford. Walking in the countryside, listening to soothing music relaxation tapes, anything which takes you away from these problems. My eldest son got into awful debt, we bailed him out and I worked up until 62 years to clear his debts, our children break our hearts, our parents get old and sick, life is hard, but remember this every cloud has a silver lining, I hope things get better, I know eventually they will, love Helen xxx😊😊😊😊😊👍👍

  • Thank you Helen , i,m sorry to hear of your problems also , I find it hard when all the people I know have seemingly normal lives and the kids are doing so well and I know it s there but for the grace etc....I do have my partner of three years but it's a strain as my youngest won't see me if he is with me we are going to work on this when he's moved but he's least got so much to deal with😒

    Thank you for your reply I do love the countryside ..right now it's full on


  • you defo have got a lot going on no wonder you are feeling drawn ! regarding your mum have to tried making a appointment for your mum and go along with her and see if the doctor can make headway and diagnose whats wrong with her, my sister took my dad to the doctors and were glad she did he indeed was unwell so we can know manage how he is ! your son who is estranged from his girlfriend will eventually find someone that treats him well !have you tried joining a local carers support group to gelp you get local help ! i wish you all the best please let us know how you are keeping god bless david

  • Thank you David for your reply ,

    Mum won't go to the doctors ...that's the problem , our carers group is once a month am going to a mental health group tonight ...

    My mum won't go to any groups and moans constantly to me how lonely she is and how she never sees anyone ...

    My eldest is stuck in his room all day , on ESA , won't volunteer or try and mix or go to mental health people so he's stuck ..

    Thank you for your encouragement it really helps

    Virginia x

  • Hi janey.... You really have got a lot on!! I hope things improve for you soon! I think all families have problems even the seemingly perfect ones...they just maybe dont talk about them!!

    Other people have given good advice, I would just say take one day at a time, and be nice to yourself!!

    Take care xx

  • Thank you I,m trying x

  • So sorry to hear of your many isn't fair and seems like some of us have far too many struggles. I too have an elderly mum, who still has her wits, she is just very mean and has always been a very difficult person. I try so hard, but can never please her. I grew up on guilt. You sound like the care giver for the whole family. Like me. That can cause a lot of stress. Be sure to take some time each day, even for just an hour for walk, pray, relax, swim....all of the above. We all need some time alone...not to think about our duties and troubles, but to get away from them. I live by the sea, just a couple streets away and I make sure each day to take a walk along the beach and pray...wipe all the duties, fears, sadness out every time it enters your mind. You need to take care of you too...we forget that..we can help the adults in our family, but we are not responsible for them...that's hard for me, but it's true. As long as they are safe that's all we can ask for.

    Hope things improve.


  • I know it's hard, when everyone/thing is grinding you down, but if you keep those negative thoughts out, keep smiling and being positive about life, inspiring others around you..,

    Stay focussed on what and who are important in your life, and think about Goals that you want to reach in your life (nothing is impossible - just keep trying !) :-)

    Manage life around each day, spending less time on something that is less important and prioritising those tasks that need your urgent attention !

    Get yourself a large diary, as this is a positive step into creating a far happier & fulfilling life by being organised & productive Will help to manage your family :-)

    (sorry, if you already have 1, but don't think you have a productive large A5 diary.)

    Calendars are managed by prioritising daily/weekly/monthly tasks, with ability to add or change tasks/events by shuffling with how much time spent on each, and re-organised to whatever times/day's suit. .., Might be useful to leave extra time free to be able to deal with any unforeseen events !

    Especially whilst children are living with as you, mentioned with situations at present.., just in case :-) And your mum :-)

    And whenever your out doing something and kids expect you at home then they can open it up to see where and with whom your with, with times expected to be back (from the entry you added :-). )

    Hopefully your children will see how well this works within your family .,, and someday do the same as their mum :-)

    I think most families lead hectic lifestyles, and not through choice, but thru how their lives have evolved !

    From own experience, life goes on with or without you, it will pass your son by very quickly, when he's a bit older he will think - 'I should have tried this ! done that, gone there ! With UK education totally different from when I studied.., it looks far more interesting than 25 years ago, using antique equipment from 1950, 60's, really was very uninspiring! Move on, find new girfriend ! We've all had massive crush on first love !

    If you can leave space in the day for a 1/2hr to an 1 hr to enable you to relax your mind, body & soul ..., switching-off all those stresses & emptying your mind :-)

    - start enjoying your own life :-)

    Find a quiet space/room where you can re-charge your mind, recuperate your body !!

    Put on some music, shut the curtains, do whatever you want, as it's - 'Me-Time' now, settle yourself, be on your own, without any distractions.

    If feel un-able to wind down at home, then go for a walk, find a peaceful area of green, local park, and empty your mind.

    Try a keep fit class or yoga and a 1/2 hr session encourages and can guide you to 'spiritually' unwind.

    Arrange to meet up with a friend/friends at a local cafe. Have a chat, ask about their lives, families.

    Take a walk/drive, pausing (obviously whilst not driving !) in a local park or green area and just watching the clouds form above in the sky, and if the sun is setting or rising (if your lucky, living in Britain !) experience it's beauty showing many different shades & colours !

    Be humble, appreciate life we are all so lucky to have, think about those who haven't been quite so lucky in their lives, and suffer with bad health, living with a disability much more life debilitating, those around the world without food or water and living with a disease !

    Life can get on top of most of us all throughout its span, some people just pass stresses by moving on swiftly, whilst others will dwell on choices they made.

    Your not on your own, :-) Always stay positive +++ because there are always folk far worse off than us ! No matter how bad you think your predicament or situation is :-)

    Hope this helps, seeing anothers perspective or view,

    I had a very traumatic brain injury 18 years ago from assault, blood clot to brain, intensive care 5 months forgot lots, taught myself to speak by practising and repeating alphabet/counting to a hundred over and over again. With time memory has gradually come back but my right side is still a bit loss of sensation, but hey, I'm a much better person than I was, Look like I never had brain injury but still carry trauma from life experience and rehabilitation is still very much in my mind ! ..,

    Changes how you live and view own life.

  • Have you tried any kind of yoga?

You may also like...