Constant fear of dying after my mum's death

[star68]

Hi everyone, My mum very sadly passed away 6 months ago. I have suffered from GA and HA since I was 7 years old. Over the years I had my ups and downs but the last ten years I kind of overcame most of my anxiety through exposure and acceptance. I was a very positive and happy person, I had mini relapses but a trip to the psychologist and I felt good again to face the world. My mum fell was diagnosed with colon cancer last November and for four months until she died was the most sad and stressful time of my life. To see a mother or anybody whom you love very much suffering in pain and distress and not been able to do anything to save them from the pain is so upsetting and has really affected me. My mum was 87 years old but she was my mum. I went through all the stages of grieving mixed with anxiety and panic feelings and now finally the realization that I will not see her ever again has left me with a permanent sadness and fear of dying. I have become a very negative person, and often thinking about death. Has anybody in the forum lost a loved one and gone through the same? How did you cope? Any advise how to come out of that state? I do not want to resolve to medication, one has to face reality with all the pain involved, but perhaps sharing other stories will give me the support I need to overcame my fears and negativity. Thank you for reading my post x

[Abby_Normal]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. What a difficult time for you. I understand your anxiety and hope that you can move through this and come out feeling better. Do take tender loving care of yourself because you are precious ❤️

[star68 in reply to Abby_Normal]

Thank you Abby, that was a very nice reply.

[Bb53]

Hi star68⭐️I'm so sorry for you loss I lost my Mam 3 years ago and we had our ups and downs but I loved her.she died of breast cancer in a hospice it was horrible terrible pain I'm a nurse and I was helpless.she stood by me throughout my life constantly supporting me through my anxiety telling me I could beat it.i had a stroke last year and I'm become so negative and a moaner😩.all I can say to you is keep strong you beat this before and I know you can again your mother will never leave you always in your heart ❤️ and you will get an inner strength from her.think positive thoughts think about all the good times.i often have a cuppa and a cake 🎂 we loved a cuppa together.it never leaves you but you will get there.im sending you a hug 🤗 god bless and take care xx

[star68 in reply to Bb53]

Thank you for your support and encouragement, it's going to be a long ride but hopefully I will get that inner strength from my mum like you have mentioned. All the best for you, big hugs and God Bless xx

[Bb53 in reply to star68]

Thanks you keep trying hard.we can do it I'm always here if you need me god bless xx

[Cimmy]

Hi, I can relate to what your saying, I lost my mum 13 months ago and it was a very traumatic and sad sad time, she was my world. I've been really unwell since she died and I was always at the doctors or hospital thinking I was dying. The realisation was that I needed help and 13 months on I've relented and poured my heart out to the doctors, who was very understanding and convinced me that right now medication is the best route to take. So I'm on sertiline and he will monitor me closely. It's a hard hard road to walk alone, wishing you well x

[star68 in reply to Cimmy]

Hi Cimmy, I feel for you too. It's not easy and I am going to therapy but it takes time, my psychologist said to me that because there was love between me and my mum that is why the suffering is worse, and she advised to feel the pain and cry if one needs to it's best to face it, it's very normal to feel like that, not to block the pain because it will came back, so I am following her words and I hope it will find light at the end of the tunnel. It's the hardest thing I had to deal with in my life so far, when she was alive I was always very afraid to think about my mum dying, she was 87 years old when she died so I could have dealt with the fear there and then, but it was too strong to face it, and I wish I did.

I wish you all the best, if you ever need to talk you can contact me x

[Nicki1984]

Hi there so sorry for your loss. I have been through the same and the only thing that really has got me back on track is counselling. I look back and feel I left it too long to get help 3 years later I was suffering panic attacks and had developed IBS. Don't leave it too long to get help. I don't take meds for the anxiety just counselling, meditation and breathing exercises. Good luck x

[star68]

Thanks for your reply. I have been to the psychologist, but it hasn't helped much. She said it takes time, to feel the pain and eventually I will see things in a different way. The thing is that I am moving abroad to London from Spain, any other time I would have been excited about the move, but now it's not that exciting anymore, the reason is because my mum is not in this world anymore.

[Doglover3033]

Hi Star68. I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved mum. I to lost my mum 5 months ago and am in the grieving/denial stage, I still can't believe she is gone and miss her dreadfully. She lived with me for the last 5 years of her life, so I cared for her after my sister died as she struggled to cope with the loss then got dementia & leukemia. I have suffered from depression in the past and have been on various medications for it, but decided a few months before my mum's death to come off them as felt they were making me more depressed. I cannot explain to you the grief I am feeling still now, but I know if I had been on them I would have been a lot worse, but everyone is different with medications and they may help you. Everyone grieves in different ways, do not put a time limit on your grief, it does take time. You will never get over the loss of your mum, I know I won't, but the more people you talk to the better you will feel. Just remember that you are not alone in this and If you ever need to talk there is always someone on this site to speak to. I wish you all the best on your move. Please keep in touch xx

[star68]

Thank you for your support, it means a lots xx