Where has the real me gone?

[Nora-B]

How many can relate? Apart from having physical symptoms, does anyone feel overwhelmed and wonder what happened to the the real you? That is just what I am feeling today. The smallest setback or decision I have to make really overwhelms me and I end up in tears. Am I going mad?

[Cimmy]

Hi Nora, I too feel the same as you, I look in the mirror and see a stranger looking back at me, the physical side of anxiety is awful, and the mental side is just as bad. I can't give you any advice but just wanted you to know you are not going mad and your not on your own. I wish you well x

[Lostjoy]

I can totally relate! Up until a year ago I handled things pretty well. I have a tough time with decisions also and never want to look in the mirror anymore. I’m scared I will never get the old me back.

[Hidden]

Hi Nora,

I totally know how you feel!

I still remember the last day I felt like my “normal” self. September 10th,2017 the day before I went on anxiety medication that gave me a terrible reaction. Been off of the pills for 2 months now and STILL suffering the consequences. It is a daily battle. I always feel like I lost my old self. I literally question everything every movement I make, How I see things around me, all my physical symptoms etc. It is absolutely terrifying. I get super overwhelmed too as you said in your post. I always wonder when I’ll wake up one day and the anxiety will be gone and I’ll be back to normal. I know it doesn’t work that way but it’s also kinda trippy thinking about how or why this even happened in the first place. It’s like you’re normal with a little fear here and there then BOOM you get hit with major anxiety issues. It’s tough but your will to write this post to share with others is admirable. thank you! Always here for support

[KrissNique in reply to Hidden]

You took the words right out of my mouth. I completely identify with everything you said.

[Hidden in reply to KrissNique]

It’s good to know there’s others going through the same situation.

[KrissNique in reply to Hidden]

yeah because often I feel alone. Even in a room full a ppl. The thoughts in my head... man

[Hidden in reply to KrissNique]

I get it, I really do. I get terrible physical symptoms too that really upset me and my quality of life. How bout you? Do you go through any?

[KrissNique in reply to Hidden]

Um I get physical symptoms fullness in my ear, dizziness, eye floaters, light headed, heart palpitations, that rush feeling, the classic panic attacks. but nothing is worse than the mental state it puts you in my opinion . The mental horror is just.....hard.

[Hidden in reply to KrissNique]

Wow that is so true. I can relate to all of those things. It’s so hard to describe the mental state to people who don’t go through it too I find. I question literally everything even as I type this message I stopped and looked at all the text you wrote and asked myself “Can I understand this?” So strange...I just got a plugged ear feeling out of nowhere today never had that before but it’s giving me a headache from it is that a normal anxiety symptom then?

[KrissNique in reply to Hidden]

I just messaged you.

[Lostjoy in reply to KrissNique]

Oh gosh you said what I have been trying to say. The mental state the anxiety puts me in is overwhelming and leaves me un functional at times. It’s so hard to get myself grounded. Even if I am able to pull myself together some it never really goes away anymore.

I too have had the occasional fear and anxiety here and there through life, but nothing “ever” like this has been these past 9 months or so. I just don’t know how much longer I can take it.

[Nora-B in reply to Lostjoy]

I hope it helps to know you are not alone and I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnel x

[Nora-B in reply to Hidden]

Jacknjils...Feel for you. What medication were you on and how long were you on it? Also, are you taking anything at all now or are you dealing with things in a 'self help'way? I am not on any specific anxiety medication but I take Atenolol which was prescribed for me years ago to settle me down, help to suppress migraines and lower my blood pressure. I felt dizzy for some time at first but ignored it as best I could and the dizziness wore off more or less. A year or more ago, other BP medication was added which made me feel as though I was being poisoned throughout my whole body and I demanded to come off it. I was on the extra meds for some months and it took some time for the side effect of swollen feet and legs, burning sensation in my legs and more giddiness to subside. I wonder if I am actually fully recovered from this yet. And thank you for your support. Together we can all deal with this thing X

[Hidden in reply to Nora-B]

Hey Nora,

Thank you. September 11th of this year I was put on Zoloft (biggest mistake of my LIFE) I was taken off of it within 4 days of taking it. My body had totally rejected the drug It made me feel like I was totally insane. I could barely control my thoughts, could barely see or walk, my intestines swelled up so bad I could barely breathe, I had terrible Derealization etc. I had been off the drug for 2 months now and I’m still suffering big time....Terrible physical symptoms I feel exhausted over the whole thing. I’m alone for 11 hours a day and go through waves of Derealization/tingling/chest discomfort, headaches/can’t catch my breath/constant health anxiety worrying I will have a stroke/ I CONSTANTLY question why things are as they are, if I think and see hints normal etc it’s terrifying and a daily battle. It keeps me in bed all day everyday except for at night. I’ve been suffering like this for 2 months now I feel like I can’t get back to the “old me” I’ve been seeing a Spiritual Counsellor and been to the dr so much lately it’s been ridiculous. I’m never going on anxiety pills again it absolutely traumatized me that experience I am doing it naturally as I can. Don’t blame you for going off those pills if you felt as thought you were being poisoned that is terrible and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. X

[Nora-B in reply to Hidden]

Hi jacknjills. Just written you a really long reply, pressed something accidentally and then the whole post disappeared. I take it to mean that I wasn't meant to send it. So have a shorter one. I am so sorry that you are having to endure so much. You are right, I am sure, to seek alternative ways to address your terrible symptoms. Anxiety is not an illness in itself as it is designed to protect us. The problem lies within ourselves and drugs help to calm us down in severe circumstances until we are ready to begin dealing with and facing our fears but care is needed as one size does not fit all. As well as the counselling (is that mindfulness?) have you tried simple things like drinking chamomile tea or using herbal remedies. I have found the tea quite soothing but cannot take herbal remedies because of my BP meds A warm milky drink at night is also soothing I like cocoa but haven't had any for a while. Might just have one tonight..Just simple things. Have you spoken to your pharmacist?

I live alone now but I do have lovely friends and neighbours as well as caring sons. It can be hard being alone for large chunks of the day.I found this when I was expecting my first son and his dad, being self employed, worked all hours of the day and night.

I I do hope you find a path through this. I am convinced you will. I am also convinced that we somehow learn a lot when we are going through troubled times and through sites like this we need not feel that we are alone. I cope mainly as I have my Faith and though at times I become weak and overwhelmed. I remind myself I truly am never alone. I have a copy of 'Footprints In The Sand' in my kitchen. I gave a copy to one of my sons when he was going through a difficult time.

Sorry, still a long post...and thank you for responding. X

[Hidden in reply to Nora-B]

Hi again Nora 😊🤗

God bless you. Thank you so much for your beautiful response and thank you for sharing a piece of your life with us here on the forum. I’m so grateful to know there are so many other people going through what I am. It is tough. Most days I don’t even have the strength to get out of bed for the day but I want those things to change. As i sit here I’ve learned a lot about patience with myself, with time and with the difficult things in life. I find when I’m out with my family I feel great but when I am here home alone it is tremendously difficult to get through and function normally. I really want that part of me back. It feels exactly as you described just like “where is the old me?” I want that back so desperately. I hope we can all find the strength to push through. I don’t want to suffer so much. I will definitely try the hot drinks like you said thank you so much I’m sorry for the things you may be going through but it is nice to hear you have a good support system behind you. Please feel free to contact me anytime you need someone to talk to I’m always here sending you hugs x

[Hidden]

I miss the old me all the time. I wish I could turn back time to 6 month ago. I felt perfect then!

[Nora-B]

Well I had not expected such a huge response. Bless you all and may this feeling lift now that we have opened up about it. Been stressing out waiting for neurology appointment and trying to deal with what one would regard as little more than ordinary day to day problems and then boom - something quite simple had me in such a state. I sent a text to a friend that I felt I had let down then had a good cry. 'What the heck is wrong with me? Where is the real me' is what I texted to the friend. I felt I had to throw the question out there but had no idea so many felt the same way. This time of year is emotional for me anyway - and for my friend

[Francesca61]

One word answer, "yes"