Anxiety has a hold on me and I just want everything to settle and flow again. I keep telling myself "this will pass, you've got through it before, you'll get through it again" but I just keep asking myself how? all the time. It's like clearly I haven't learnt the lesson I need to and that's why it keeps coming back. Nothing seems to be working at the moment. Don't feel like eating cos my stomach just churns, can't make a simple decision, just don't know what to do to get out of this mindset.
I've been doing mindfulness meditation which is good but as soon as it's over, everything just feels overwhelming again. Doing simple chores around home just feels too much and I'm like what's the point, what am I doing? Just question everything all the time. So much to do and I don't know how or when things are going to get better. I don't feel joy or want to do anything and then that scares me cos I know that it's up to me to find a way through this. I have to get through it. Everything I try and do just feels fake and like I'm just going through motions. Feels like my family don't want to know me and think I'm not trying hard enough because I'm like this at the moment. I worry my anxiety/depression is having a bad effect on my two sons cos they are being naughty and retaliating if things don't go their way. I feel like I'm not being a very good Mum and I have to fix it. Feel like everyone else seems to be dealing with their anxiety better than me.
Sorry if this sounds like a rant I'm just beside myself and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Frustration all round. It's like I can't let go and just be.