Another bad spell...

[littlemissworry]

I am petrified I won't celebrate my birthday this year in November, have Christmas with my family, get married in March or ever have children in the future I can't stop thinking I am ill and I will die soon, but I am, terrified to go to the Doctor and find out. I'm fine when I'm distracted but then the aches come back and suddenly I'm going to die. I feel I'm in the happiest place I have been for years and that something will take it from me, it makes me cry so much and cry over missing my partner, his son, my mum, sister and family. But I worry about them too and what if they die! If the physical symptoms weren't driving me crazy I could tell myself, go back to therapy this is anxiety but it's just so hard!

[Wyominganxiety]

Are you currently on any medication? Sounds like you hace a lot of things coming up getting married is a huge thing and can be cery stressful. I've been married once and I am currently engaged have been for 6 yrs I've been struggling with severe anxiety and agoraphobia so it has put a huge hault on my future.. I am currently on citalopram and I'm hoping to get this under control so I can get on with my life

[littlemissworry in reply to Wyominganxiety]

I'm not against medication at all, I just worry I will rely on it should it come to that but I guess I am running out of options

[Wyominganxiety in reply to littlemissworry]

It took me a lot to seek help I was so in denial I tried essential oils vitamins just about everything my anxiety went from bad to worse to the point it was hard to even leave my house aka agoraphobia. Literally going to the doctor which is an hour from here was the hardest thing I had to do.. but I couldn't live that way anymore it wasn't fair to me or my kids and fiance. I'm not over it yet but I'm on the path now I'm on 40 mg of citalopram and valium when needed I'm ready for my life back!

[Gina-wen]

I was like this many years ago...my first son was 10 months old and I convinced myself I would die and I just didn't want to leave him without a Mum. Every ache and pain I had was something terminal ( but as he's 21 next year - I wasn't terminal ). I think when we have good things in our lives we become afraid of losing them don't we. I had to stop watching Casualty or any other hospital based TV and I stopped watching the news. I advise everyone to do this! I did take a 6 month course of antidepressants at the time and they really helped. As I said, we're 20 years on now....and I'm still here....we have to remind ourselves, I think, that we're robbing ourselves of happiness by worrying so deeply...and I also know that knowing that fact doesn't make the anxiety go away. Another trick I used back then...if I was lying in bed, for example, and only had pain in my left leg...I used to concentrate and repeat in my head " my left leg DOES NOT hurt but my right foot does hurt" and before long the 'real' pain would go and my right foot would start to hurt...I'm not even joking....so then I could tell myself that neither pain was real. Can I also share another trick with you...a doctor once told me "If you think you're having a heart-attack...go to the stairs at home...go up them and back down again...because trust me, if you're really having a heart-attack you won't even make it to the bottom in the first place"...and NEVER EVER google symptoms! I hope some of this helps littlemissworry . I'm not promising a total reprieve...I've been fine for many years but still sometimes that health anxiety creeps up and I have to squash it as best I can. Have a Happy Birthday and be a beautiful bride next March...I know you will. xx

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Gina-wen]

I just had to reply to you. As i am having the same struggle and trying to deal with anxiety(so they say). But i have the constant thoughts of me dying soon. Its like I've convinced myslef i wont live to enjoy my kids growing up. I get sad and think whats the use in pursuing my goals if im not gonna live long enough to get to it. Even simple things like if my daughter (who's 17) she may text me just to ask, "how am i doing? Or how am i feeling?" And i automatically thinks its a sign that something bad is going to happen. All day today so far ive had this dreaded feeling. I felt detached. In tunnel vision. And yes ive had several days like this before but its a hurtful feeling to just feel like something bad is gonna happen. I feel unreal. I will say a few days ago has been the normal ive felt in a while. Not really no dark cloud over me. Didnt really have the fear feeling and wasnt really consumed with dying. But today its back. And my kids mean so much to me. So it hurts the most because i dont ever want to leave them.

Yes and i too had to cut out watching certain things on tv like the show Greys Anatomy..great show. But i could tell it was triggering my fears of death. I had to stop watching that. I even stopped getting on facebook because every time I'd see bad news about someone dying.

And yes i feel robbed of my happiness my peace my joy. I just cry cry cry.

[Gina-wen in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

All of what I say is easier said than done....I know...it's a constant battle. I was thinking about littlemissworry last night, I really feel for you both, it's all-consuming. I had another thought and useful tip that needs practice...imagine you went to visit a good friend and they had a bad stomach pain....would you reassure that friend or would you frighten that friend? Would you say "It's probably something terminal, you might die today"...or would you say "stomach pain? Let me help, can I get you something, run you a bath to soothe the pain, can I get you some paracetamol? I'm sure it's nothing serious and you'll feel much better tomorrow". You are your own best friend and should be careful how you speak to yourself....if you went to a friend and said "you're probably dying" I don't think you'd stay friends for very long! You see what I'm getting at here? Your daughter must know your struggle, she cares Icanbeathis2016 and that's why she asks how you are...no other reason. It's easy for me to tell you this but you have to believe it and that's the hard part. I see that you are both strong to get through each day with these thoughts on your shoulders...that's what they are 'thoughts'...thoughts are not FACT. Thinking it doesn't make it real...even though it feels real..it's not. Try to be 'a good friend' to yourself and change how you speak to yourself...a little at a time goes a long way...practice and you will beat this. xx

[Zobro in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

I feel exactly the same x

[Gina-wen in reply to Zobro]

It's surprising how many of us carry these fears isn't it. People don't share enough these days so we all get to thinking 'it's just us' when in fact it's lots of people. So I'm glad I'm not alone but also sad that other people like you Zobro are suffering these crushing black thoughts. I really do believe we'll be okay though. xx

[littlemissworry]

Thank you so much Gina-wen for your lovely replies, you really have made me feel better. It's just those physical pains that come on when I've really worked myself up. I'm trying so hard to lay off the alcohol but it does make me relax vicious circle indeed. I'm hoping when I can afford it again to go back to therapy and work through it that way. I have also avoided things like FB and the news to avoid horror stories of "misdiagnosis" etc. The lady I worked with that fell ill passed away just last month, I strangely found some sort of peace at her funeral in the church, but a few weeks later I was back to this back aches and weak arms. The odd chest pains but I'm aware there is nothing wrong after visiting a&e only a few months ago. My posts are a cry for help and any comfort messages are always appreciated, thank you all for sharing your own experiences xx

[Gina-wen in reply to littlemissworry]

The loss of your co-worker will most surely have increased your fears, that is totally understandable. I also know what you mean about avoiding media...whether it's facebook or the news. The media annoys me because in the past I've gone into meltdown over headlines on our local paper...it would say something like 'sudden death' in big letters...but when you actually read the article turns out the lady had many health issues...so while it wasn't expected it certainly wasn't totally out of the blue...because she WAS ill. Aaarrrgghhh! Does my head in when they do that. I like to go on face-book but I recognise times when I have to have a break from it. I hope you'll share with us a wedding photo next March...I'm that excited for you

Another tip I have for you by the way...I also get chest pain and like you I know I'm okay cuz I've been checked over. My pain is costochondritis...due to tension my chest muscles tense and rib cartiledge gets inflammed. My lower side ribs hurt but it's worst when it affects my breastbone....I find that scary and have to talk myself down. Anyway - my point is...I rub Vicks menthol on it and it's unbelievable how it works for me...in turn it also helps with 'air-hunger' ( when you feel you can't get a full breath in )....I thought you could try it when your chest hurts. I hope it works for you like it does for me. xx

[Gina-wen in reply to Gina-wen]

littlemissworry ....I just noticed something you wrote about neck, shoulders and chest pain and 'weak arms', how alchohol is all that relaxes you. You sound like me Honey. There is another community on here about 'fibromyalgia'.....fibro changes your life - it doesn't end your life okay? It's a 'chronic-pain condition' as opposed to an 'illness'. But when I saw you wrote 'weak arms' a bell went off in my head...I'm not saying you have fibro...I'm suggesting you have a look when you feel up to it. If you have any questions I will do my best to help. I feel bad suggesting it to you... but it may give you the answers you need. While fibro hurts ( and there are a lot of other annoying symptoms )...it is not life-threatening.xx