Why do I find it impossible to talk to my grown sons about this illness?

[mooner04]

I have 3 grown sons (they're in Bristol, I'm in Hampshire) who I adore with every ounce of my being. I am proud of the way I brought them up and equally as proud of how they have turned out. We are very close.

I find it impossible to talk to them or share my problems and illness. In my mind I will not and cannot let them see or hear from me when I am like this. I feel this illness I have is betraying them and in turn I have betrayed them.

I know their real father and he is their heroe. The man I am, the man that carries this sickness, he is not their father.

But it breaks my heart and who needs that along with the mental suffering. I am not religious but I pray they know how much I love them.

Does anyone share this problem?

[Agora1]

mooner04, somewhere along the way, men have been taught to believe they need to portray strength by hiding any emotional issue they may feel. Anxiety should not be considered any different than something medically wrong. You are human. Issues happen to both men and women alike. Why should a man have to hide this condition from those he loves. Anxiety is a lonely disorder to begin with. Putting on a façade to people who care about you just brings on more anxiety and pain.

You've done an amazing job in raising 3 sons that you are proud of. Looking up to you as their hero has nothing to do with what you suffer from. The inner you, the man that loves them and raised them to the best of your ability. Do you not think they would want to be supportive of what you are going through? You would have 3 amazing men by your side understanding and loving you no less. They deserve to know as you deserve to release this extra anxiety you carry around because of that.

They are missing out on seeing all of you and the person you are despite anxiety. Teaching them that it's okay to feel emotions, that it's okay for a man to let out his feelings, it's okay for a man to cry when sad. No where is it written that a man is any different in the emotional support and caring he needs anymore than a woman does. You may be quite surprised that you aren't hiding your anxiety from them. They must sense something is wrong, don't allow them to think it is worse than it is by hiding. It takes courage to let down that emotional wall around you and open up to your sons.

Have a frank and honest talk with them. Let them know how much you love them, no one should ever have to assume that. I think you will feel a much needed weight lifted off your shoulders after that. You did nothing wrong, you did all the right things in raising them. Now it is your turn for them to show you their love and support for you. Go forward and never stay stuck. Anxiety loves to take advantage of that. You are Strong, You are Amazing, You are a Hero.

[mooner04 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks agora. They do know about it and it's not that I've kept them in the dark. They visited me in the psyche ward etc earlier this year. And it's ironic you mention men allowing themselves to show their emotion because that's how I brought them up. To have emotional intellect and always be empathetic. I didn't have a father & was brought up by my beloved mother & her aunts. They taught me well. Its me. Your right I must get in touch & stay in touch. Thanks for your words & wisdom. Just like my mum!!

[Agora1 in reply to mooner04]

That's me :)xx

[Bb53]

Had tears in my eyes when I read both those posts.such sadness we hide it well my children are 13 and 27 and th be honest my 13 year old has a better understanding of my anxiety than his older sister.i have chronic health anxiety and if I use dr google to much my son will bring me back to reality.i have accepted that I'm not the person I was since my stroke.but can't hide either so just be yourself you sound a wonderful father and great human being and done a great job with your sons.acceptance ,compassion and a little bit of kindness to yourself is the key .x

[mooner04 in reply to Bb53]

Thank you. It's the worst thing of all. My children are my every breath.