Both Ways

[keptainicandozatt]

Been thinking lately and I can’t help but to think that anxiety can affect me in both ways.There are days when the physical symptoms hit me to a point where I’m just like,”Screw this.I don’t want to live like this” and I actually force myself to go and do things and end up feeling better.

And then,there are the bad days when I feel like no amount of positive thinking can get me through the day.When those pesky thoughts come to haunt me,telling me that I’m “sick” with one disease or another.And I’ll have to assure myself that no,I’m fine and I didn’t feel sick the previous days.That it’s just the anxiety talking.

It’s tiring on certain days.Waking up with a tight chest or achy shoulders.Or out of nowhere,I feel like I can’t swallow.Or when I get a pain in my chest.Good days are such a luxury these days.

Realize that I’m more anxious when I’m at home these days and that I’m starting to appreciate company once more because it takes my mind away from things.

[Icanbeathis2016]

I know the feeling. You are right. Anxiety has been a double feature for me too. Some days I say, " you know what, I have thinga i need to do and if i am actually gonna pass out or die, atleast I'll go out doing something i wanted or needed to get done. Im not gone let this keep me in the house no matter what I'm feeling like." Then its times (which can be the very next day lol) that my anxiety has me thinking, " well, im probably dying anyway so whats the point in doing anything? Why go out if i feel like crap? I wont possibly enjoy myself at all." And for the most part whenever I muscle up the strength to get out, i usually am very glad i did. I dont even feel as bad as i was thinking i would feel. I was more than likely distracted. And i said the same thing that i realize alot of times that i feel more ill and worse when i do allow the anxiety to keep me home or in bed. But its so wierd how it does keep me in. Like a force or power that controls me and keeps me hostage. And you are right when you say, the good days we do have are like a luxury and have the time all wr did in those "good days" or day was go to the store or handle some business or something that back when we felt normal we have considered what we doing now is nothing.

[keptainicandozatt in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

I can’t agree more with your post 💕 You worded it perfectly.When I actually get things done and then realize that I didn’t even care about my physical symptoms,it’s like..”Hey,that wasn’t so bad.” It’s more like..when I’m “aware” that I have nothing to do that the anxiety creeps up.Trying to get out of that mindset is the toughest for me.

There are days when my mind’s all,”Don’t be weak.Fight it.” and I do..but it’s the bad days that I tend to remember rather than the good ones.When I look back and think how carefree I was before I suffered from anxiety,it feels like I’ll never achieve that kind of freeness again.I mean,I do have good days..but it’s just a different feeling.

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to keptainicandozatt]

Yep thats my issue. I remember how the bad days feel and stay stuck on that rather than focus on how ive had good days. Thats the pessimist in me that has now backfired on me with this anxiety because now i can only think about the bad things and dwell on it forever. My physical symptoms is what keep me down the worst.

[keptainicandozatt in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

If you don’t mind me asking,what are your physical symptoms? I think my anxiety flared up when I found a lump in my left armpit (which turned out to be a swollen lymph node).

After my panic attack,I then encountered shortness of breath,tight chest,feeling like there’s a slight jolt to my heart when I’m about to fall asleep,trouble swallowing (sometimes)..so yeah,it’s the physical symptoms that tire me out.

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to keptainicandozatt]

Oh i have them all, wierd sensations in the head, funny vision, unbalanced, feeling detached, flu like symptoms, feeling heavy like legs feel heavy, shaky at times, head feel full, ears ringing, ears feel full, and not to mention whatever syptoms i feel when i have an actual panic attack.

[Taranicole31404]

I feel the same way most days. My physical symptoms are horrible some days I feel like my lungs are on fire and it is horrible. I have days where I feel it’s not even worth getting out of bed at all . I also do not go in public really at all . How do I get yourself out and about

[keptainicandozatt in reply to Taranicole31404]

Some days it’s like my body has given up on me.Exercise helped me alot with my anxiety but I still do suffer from physical symptoms at times and it’s so tiring...there are days when I wish I could stay home,but I don’t have a choice since I’m working

[Taranicole31404]

I really feel that work is the only thing that keeps me from closing my door and never leaving. I feel bad my husband does all the shopping with all three kids because Walmart freaks me out..

[keptainicandozatt in reply to Taranicole31404]

Ugh crowded places...that’s the worst.Especially travelling in a train during peak hour.Makes me want to run out and sit in a corner.

[Agora1]

keptainicandozatt, be proud in having taken a huge step forward. You have a handle on anxiety in not allowing it to control your life. As you push forward, anxiety will retreat and those "luxury" days will increase. Take those steps forward with a smile and determination. My best. x

[keptainicandozatt in reply to Agora1]

Thank you!!!I will continue to fight on 💪🏼 Definitely looking forward to more luxury days so that anxiety can take a backseat for good!