How can I stop being so selfish about my boyfriend? It's making me ill.

[louisealice123]

Hi Everyone,

I'm currently on the road to recovery from a bad bout of depression, and coping with my anxiety simultaneously is proving difficult. I've also really been pushing myself to become more independent after realising I was hugely dependant on my boyfriend (who is SO supportive of me!!! he's amazing) which is REALLY hard.

My boyfriend recently went self employed, so is finding his feet in the world and taking as much/any work he can. I'm being as supportive as possible, helping him create invoices, giving him advice on how to save his money, pushing him to achieve his dreams and not worry about what other people think etc. even though I'm struggling to cope with us not seeing each other as much as I would like.

He's just messaged me saying he's been asked if he can work the panto (late November all the way through to January) (He works in theatres doing light and sound, which means he works twice as long as the show goes on, due to setting up and taking down etc) and it would be a lot of work for him, and a good money earner and would it be ok if he took it.

Of course I said yes, but as I was already having a bad day (mentally) I'm feeling more rubbish than ever, and I'm so anxious about the fact we're literally going to be SO limited on seeing each other for 2/3 months.

How do I help myself cope better with this? I feel like a horrendous angry psycho selfish girlfriend at the fact I'm resenting his work (and him a little bit) because he's going to be working all day when the Panto is not on in the evening and then all afternoon and evening on the days when it is, and every weekend. I'm really struggling to see any good in it. Please help me, I'm scared I wont be able to cope.

[Hidden]

Why not see it as a time to do something for you. Your life should not revolve around another person you should always have an independent life to some extent. Maybe do a course even just an online one for a few months to improve yourself some how. Be greatful you're not under each others feet and your boyfriend may well feel the same as you but isn't saying anything to upset you.

[20Voices]

It is tough when this happens. I think you will find you are more angry with yourself for the feelings you have than anything else.

Why not sit down with your boyfriend and look at both your diaries and see when it will be possible for you both to meet up for some time together. Your boyfriend is going to be tired if he is working so much, but there is a lot you can do without leaving the house.

When you know when you are going to be seeing him, then work out what you are going to do for the rest of the time. TimTim22 is right, you should not be living in each others pockets and you need to find your own hobbies/interests. Do an evening class or go to a fitness session or do some volunteering. There are so many evening classes and courses available. You get to meet new people and you will also have something new to talk to your boyfriend about when you do see each other.

It is okay to feel frustrated about not seeing your boyfriend, but you can stop it affecting you by accepting that this is the situation for now and find something positive to do with your time.

Take care.

[Noam123]

Mine is the same never helps me it's horribe x