This is not fair. I keep going in circles with this. I can't seem to have even a few days in a row of a freaking peace of mind. A fee days in a row with out a fuc*!ng worry or something new always arises that fuc*!ng makes me wonder what is going on now. One minute I'm dealing with my freaking upset stomach and having toilet issues, one minute constipation next it's different. Next day I'm dealing with nausea and wondering why the hell I can't eat. I have never had to force food in my life. Never had problems eating. And now I can't fucking eat a meal like I want. One day I'm ok then the exact next day I can't fucking eat. Last night I felt terrible my stomach felt heavy, back felt heavy, I'm awaiting my menustral which by the way it wants to play stupid with me. It was supposed to come on yesterday. I was expecting it should and it's still not on yet. Instead I was stuck with upset stomach all night and couldn't even eat my dinner which puts me at two days in a row of not good eating which is now gonna continue to add to my struggle of weight loss. Which I've been battling since thus stupid ass anxiety has been around. I keep asking God what is happening to me. 😢😢 I'm trying so hard not to question him or get frustrated with God because I honestly feel punished. Not from God but still I feel like I being punished maybe for all the wrong I've done in my life for not having the faith God wants me to have. Because I still worry so much. I woke up today just worried. This is awful. I can't stand this shit. I want to eat. I want to sleep. I have two daughters that deserve my attention who needs their mom and here I am every single day or other day crying, going through symptoms, weak mentally and physically. 😢😢😢😢 How long am I going to suffer???????
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