Please help. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

[Ashley8992]

So I going through a divorce, but my ex won't send the papers and it's been months now. But that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing because I know I really need to see a doctor but I feel like I'm losing my self. I suffer from depression and anxiety, but the last few days my depression has gotten worse and worse. Today I woke up completely empty, didn't even want to go to work but I made myself. All day I literally had no thoughts until after my lunch I though how everything would just keep going if I disappeared. If I just left this town and went somewhere where no one knew me. I don't want to die, I am trying to live, I want to live. My mind is making life very difficult for me, I am about out of will power, I just want to give up and stay in my room all day. I hate thoughts like these will someone please help me.

[Ashley8992]

My ex was an abusive alcoholic and he had 4 children I helped raised for 3 years. Now I have no step kids and no husband, stuck in a room in my mom's house. I have this man who has been for the last 3 years through all the abuse and he loves me, but I'm so scared to be in a relationship because I feel like I can't love anymore. I have no significant emotions. They have all disappeared and I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

[Hidden in reply to Ashley8992]

Ashley, you say your post is not regarding your divorce, but actually, everything you talked about is related to the divorce. Your first words of your post were about your divorce. You are going through the stages of grief and death, because this divorce is the death of a marriage and a way of life. And almost everything discussed relates to surviving the divorce. I was in a live weekly support group of divorced and divorcing women. That process was invaluable.

Please contact your attorney; there are ways to force the final decree of the divorce without you having to wait around to receive your husband's paperwork.

All the emotions you are going through are part of the process of divorce, and two years of attending a live support group is about average. I would never even think about a relationship with another person until that much time had passed for me, and also for the person I was considering seeing. It takes time to let all the dust settle from the "war" of the divorce so that you are adjusted to the severe life changes to have a better perspective of your life and for your emotional upheaval to settle.

My best to you through this very emotional and legal disruption in your life.

[Ashley1489]

I'm going through kind of the same thing except I wasn't married just with someone for ten years and had a child with him.... If you want to chat outside of this message me and we can exchange numbers maybe we can help each other

[Ashley8992 in reply to Ashley1489]

I messaged you personally

[Sfqueen]

I had a relationship like that before he used verbally abuse me and I felt like a lost myself it took me a lot to find myself but you will get there. We can't let this thoughts control our life every time I feel that way I tell myself I am

Stronger !

[skyraknight]

Hi Ashley. Looks like you're going through some tough times and your mind is in a total whirlwind. But in time it will pass and I am sure you know it. Divorce is so unpleasant on so many levels. Just know that millions of people have gone through that so I hope you don't feel like it's something so unusual. The biggest obstacle about the divorce is all about the future. And in this stage I have a feeling it's all fear of the unknown. Leaving town and going to a new place sometimes is a good idea. New town, new streets, new faces, new everything certainly has ability to overwhelm the mind for sometime. The mind, however, may quickly revert to same old thoughts. It really doesn't matter where you go because you take your mind with you. And don't worry about the will power. It doesn't work in the long term anyway. If it did, the overweight problem would exist. What's more important is connecting with yourself, with your soul and spirit. It seems you are disconnected and in many pieces. Do you believe in God? Higher authority? Perhaps little prayer could sooth your soul. Maybe some meditation could slow your thoughts. Have you thought about finding a live support group, new church, or live interest group that could put something new into your life? Know that other women at this moment somewhere suffer the same way. Perhaps there is something that you could share with her? Something that you could do to console her? Usually, helping others who have similar difficulties gives us strength to and power if we can support them. In that you realize that you are not alone and learn to better cope and resolve your own difficulties. In 10 years time your memories of how you feel today will fade anyway. Right now you have to make an effort to shift and refocus your thoughts from what's eating you up. Our mind have incredible tendencies to think negative thoughts. It's just incredible. There may be 200 positive things happening in our lives but only 10 negative and we instantly get overwhelmed with the negative. We focus on the negative as if it was the other way around. That's our nature I think. But there is a sure way to reprogram that. It takes about 30 days. What you do is count your blessings. Every morning you simply write 10 blessings that you experience or experienced in your life. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate. For example, when I have traveled to Africa on more than one occasion, frequently there was either no water in the faucets or water was brown, like tea. This made me realize that I took running water for granted, not even mentioning clean, cold, hot, or whether it was safe to drink. Another simple example is the air pollution in Los Angeles. With so many cars it feels sometimes you breath just the car exhaust fumes. Frequently I was getting angry that so little is being done to improve the quality of air. It wasn't until I have traveled to India that I got a full scope to what polluted air really is. In comparison, the LA air now is super clean to me! We take so many things for granted its really unbelievable when you consciously look at them. The fact that I am replying to you means that you had an opportunity to write it on either a computer, tablet, or phone. It further means that you had an opportunity to connect to the Internet, and that you had found this site on which you can ask for help. Because you work, it means that you have the means to feed, clothe, and shelter yourself. I am just throwing some fundamental examples. To top it of, you are likely in the top 10 percent of the people of the whole world when it comes to wealth! But because we take virtually everything for granted our minds are always looking for more. And you don't have to travel far to see in what incredible poverty most of the world's population lives. In US, the richest country in the world unfortunately many children go hungry everyday. So count your blessings whatever they may be for you. Do it for 30 days. What people usually see at the end of 30 days of journaling they call it a miracle. Widen your perspective. See what happens by end of August.

[Ashley8992 in reply to skyraknight]

Thank you so much for reply. It really gives me hope and makes me thankful there is a tomorrow.

[maFiras]

Look Ashley,

I know you've been through a lot but you have to hang tight! Everything WILL get better, even if it doesn't sound like it will, depression is and illness, you can treat it, you just have to be patient, time is the best healer!

Talk to your friends and family bout this, if they're not fake and actually care bout you, they WILL listen, this will definitely help, you just have to be strong! If you've made it this far, you can undeniably make it through all this! Don't feel bad because of things that you have to control over, THIS. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT.

For the time being, do some activities that you like, have some hobbies to distract you, whether it be video games, swimming, music, anything you like to do is just fine, for me personally, I got really addicted to fallout4 and dank memes(^w^)

Just know that there's always light at the end of the tunnel, and stay strong!

I Wish you the best of luck,

Firas

[Ashley8992 in reply to maFiras]

I really like to play video games. I'm into call of duty. I have started to find some nights I can't enjoy it anymore though.

[maFiras in reply to Ashley8992]

Don't worry, that is perfectly understandable. You can try other games, for example, Fallout4, I'm quite addicted to it, I've literally played it for almost a year, and I don't think I'll stop anytime soon, or you try a whole other thing, like music, I've recently got into piano at a music institute or something, it's hard at first but you'll manage just fine, and if that didn't work, you simply become a memer, yep, your red that chap, memes, you see, you need laugh every now and then, and I find Memes, comedy shows, or anything that floats your boat quite nice to say the least. You can for example go check out some videos on the TVFLITHYFRANK channel on YouTube or maybe iDubbz. If even that didn't work out so well then the last thing I've got left for ya is Yourube, you can check out Some of the entertainment channels like commentary, let's play, or anything else to pass time, I personally prefer the scientific, nerdy stuff in there, like startalk and such, other than that, I just watch Breaking Bas on Netflix.

So yes, I am or a quite a social chap myself, I'm more of a nerd, so the things I find interesting and entertaining, may not be the same to you, I just thought I might try to share them with ya and see if that'll help.

Sincerely,

Firas

(P.s. I forgot to mention Night In The Woods [NITW], it is the best game I've ever... experienced, it deals with kind of stuff, you know, depression and purpose? But anyway I highly recommend you checking it out, its quite indeed the the best well thought out recent game in my opinion)

[Ashley8992 in reply to maFiras]

Yes I play video games everyday and listen to music all the time but I feel it is only a distraction. It never helps me solve any of my problems. As soon as I turn the music off or get off a game, all my problems come back. I have played fallout 4, new vegas, and 3. I love those games I also play Diablo 3 and skyrim.

[maFiras in reply to Ashley8992]

Iam very sorry to hear that, usually, games occupy my mind for hours at times, trying to solve mysteries and theories in my head, but well, I am seeing that my "trick" didn't, but temporary distractions are better than nothing.

I'm the kind of guy that would push ya around, but well, I think u should get something (Positive) to occupy your mind a lot of the time, for maybe days, weeks, maybe even months, to replace the other ... less preferred thoughts, for example, there lots of mysteries and you can try to create an explanation for them in your head, now I know that might sound silly, but did you expect to hear from a nerd such as myself?

Anyway, I really don't have a lot of ways to help, I don't know what it's like to go through such horrible things you did, so it's quite difficult to successfully give helpful advice.

Just know that there are always people that care, and that are willing to help and listen, it's only a matter of time before you find them.

Firas

[Kipukai]

Ashley Believe me things will get better if and when the divorce is over and done with. Yes it’ll be hard being alone but make sure you connect with people at church, events or meetings.

Be careful taking med from a psychiatrist because till take some time for him to figure out what meds are near for you