Hi. Im Lisa, and m 49. I had a heart attack in Sept of 2016. Had 2 stents put in, then a triple bipass the following morning. Recovery was GREAT! Felt terrific! The doctor told me I had 30 more years left on my heart. I started eating better, cutting way back on caffeine, lost 40 pounds...went back to work, life was great...then BOOM! Had another heart attack in February 2017… Almost 5 months to the day. They put two more stents in. Since then, I've been rushed to the hospital with angina attacks, I had emergency angiograms, panic attacks, and now have a blood clot in my heart. To top it off, my sternum didn't heal after the triple bypass. It's broken into multiple pieces, so I don't know if that causes any kind of physical stress on my heart . Every day I wake up, I think, "Today is the day I'm going to die." I leave notes for my kids saying I love you. Everything I feel, See, hear brings back memories and symptoms. When I get the symptoms, I don't know if I'm having a heart attack or angina attack or panic attack. Do I call and ambulance? Do I take a Xanax? Do I take a nitro pill? I'm afraid to go to far from home... and when I do go somewhere I don't stay long. when I'm in the car, it brings back memories of driving myself to the hospital when I was having an angina attack and I start to feel symptoms. These feelings used to only come at night, once it got dark outside...but now they start the minute I wake up... and I can't shut my brain off. I think about my heart 24/7. Now I'm getting palpitations. Sometimes multiple times a day, sometimes once a day. Xanax seems to help with those, but my doctor sucks and will only prescribe me two .25 mg pills per day. Sometimes I take them 4 to 6 times a day = 1 to 1.5 milligrams...Which is nothing! People keep telling me I need to talk to you psychiatrist or psychologist. I don't know if I could go back to work like this. I can't concentrate on the simplest things at home without my mind wandering immediately to memories of the heart attacks, or feeling some type of symptom. I can't talk about it because it brings on symptoms. I can't watch certain TV shows because it brings back memories of the heart attacks. Everything reminds me and I'm afraid to do anything physical for fear of having another attack. I'm terrified to kiss my boyfriend...and, I'll never have sex again for fear of dying. I've basically given up on everything in life, and it sucks. My granddaughter comes over, but I'm terrified to watch her for fear something will happen while she's here. It's ridiculous, and it's totally taken over my entire life. I was the most positive person, always in a good mood, always laughing and joking… And now I'm even afraid to laugh. I feel like I'm going crazy. I've turned into the opposite type of person that I used to be before the second heart attack . This is really messed me up emotionally, and I don't know how to make it go away. I don't know how to change the channel in my brain. Is there anyone else that feels this way? I'm only 49… I shouldn't be giving up on life so soon, but that's what I feel like I'm doing. I don't feel like I'm depressed...but I do feel Hopeless, sad, scared. I'm not working, I have no income, and I have no way to remove the stress from my life. Used to be able to deal with stress so well… My problems, my families problems, my friends problems…I used to be the one that people could turn to for support. Now I don't even want to answer my phone because I don't want to hear anything negative. I sound and feel like a crazy person!!
Terrified of everything: Hi. Im Lisa, and m... - Anxiety Support
Terrified of everything
Ihi, i think you are experiecing ptsd .its very common to be traumatised after what you have been through .I think a good psychologist or trauma councellor could help you get back on track.
Wishing you well
Brumchick .
Lisa Lyon
No you do not sound like a crazy person at all .
I totally understand exactly what you are going through 100percent
And you sound like me exactly although mine is to do with my gallbladder.
But I get you totally word for word because my life has become the mirror of yours.
Bless you I feel your fear your pain exactly.
I've got to go out now and that's scary to say the least but I would love to talk with you more later on Lisa.
Talk soon hang on in their.
Thank you...it does make me feel better that other people are experiencing the same things. I can breathe a LITTLE easier. I would love to talk to you more, also. Thank you!!! 💜
Hi LisaLyon you've been through more than most people would be able to handle. I think because you were always able to handle stress so well, that strength has pulled you through. However, no matter how strong we are, there comes a time when too much is piled on us that we tend to start backing off on life. That isn't fair to you or your family. I believe in that all you are fearing and feeling are genuine. This is deeper than anxiety. The answer is not to ignore the phone, or never enjoy a moment in time, it is about being reassured by others who have gone through some of the same issues that you have.
I would recommend turning to the American Heart Assn. They have volunteers who like yourself have been through horrific health circumstances involving the heart. There are also cardiac support groups at some major hospitals that deal with fears and concerns in going forward in life.
I really think this may help you some. According to what we have experienced in life, we all have certain triggers that bring back those memories tenfold.. ,, Avoidance isn't always the answer. I wish you well and hope that you get some help emotionally so that you can joke and laugh again.x
Thank you...I am tearing up as I am reading your reply. Reassurance and understanding is a beautiful thing...
Hi Lisa.
How are you ?
I had a really nice, relaxing day yesterday with an old friend… Swimming and visiting, but then I had a rough night last night… Took a nitro pill for the first time. It seemed to help after a little while. I feel like maybe it was the beginning of an anxiety attack, because the friend I was visiting is an ex-boyfriend, and I was listening to him talking to his new girlfriend...but again I can't tell one thing from the other. I just kind of fake it day by day. The palpitations are freaking me out because I don't understand why I'm getting them, or if they mean anything. It's hard to just ignore something like that when you're not used to feeling it. I try to do my normal routine every day, but once I start to feel weird everything comes to a standstill. My whole family is in Michigan for a get together... and I stayed home because I was afraid to go. My house seems to be my comfort zone, and I'm afraid I'm going to become agoraphobic. That would be the icing on the cake! I'm Just trying to have a normal, stress free day today, so far so good. Thank you so much for asking, and thank you for letting me vent. It seems to help a little when I do that… and I'm afraid to vent to my friends and family because I don't want them to feel scared, or feel uncomfortable, or worry about me more than they already do. Thank you again for listening… Or should I say reading! LOL! How are you doing?
I'm ok Lisa thank you just sick of my so called defective gallbladder holding me to ransom lol
I've had busy few days but like you I don't seem to go to far for fear of one of these attacks I keep getting ,
See when I get them it's like an alias has taken over my body and smashing me to peices inside, and the pain oh my oh my god it's on another level I can't sit lay or anything I can only crawl around on the floor screaming like a cat on a hot tin roof and I have this damn fear of it happening in public and a bunch of people around me looking thinking what a freak and that worries me cos I think ide kill someone literally.
It's been going on for 3 years this October and I haven't eaten one damn thing I like in nearly 3 years just no fat foods and I've lost like 53 pounds in weight and feel like a weakling when I was so strong before this jerney began.
And like you my prison oops my home is my safety zone and all the docs and everyone think I'm crackers.
I feel like a spastic retard as I can't go anywhere do anything for the fear of an attack ?
It's like living with someone with a gun poked in the back of my head telling me their going to blow my brains out and following me around constantly and I can't get rid of them.
I know he's going to pull the trigger I just don't know when.
And it's getting to be a hard way to live Lisa I think I'm better off dead than to continue living like this.
Now the docs here in London are pants just useless really they are and keep telling me it's gallstones 2 large ones one stuck in the gallbladder neck and I need my gallbladder out.
Trouble is they don't wanna do no more tests since ultrasound showed these stones but I think it's something more and won't let operate on me because I'm not convinced.
So bad icky that's my issue so yes I totally understand your issue Lisa and it's got to be the single worst way to live I think.
Always depressed always unhappy always moody always damn starving hungry and always weak.
Great life ah ?
I just am to scared to let them operate and don't really fancy my chances to be honest.
Maybe I should go to the USA where they use the givenchy robot single incision technique and do the opp while your awake , so no general annasthetic now that I can deal with as it's not waking from the general that's my biggest fear.
So their you have my drama lol.
I'm happy you had a nice day x and yay I do actually care x
Take care and talk soon or lol write x
That seems awful! I would agree with the dr as to having it removed...but I, too, have a fear of the anesthesia.
When I had the open-heart surgery, they couldnt wake me up for four days. I need a metal plate screwed to my sternum to stabilize it because it's broken into so many pieces, but I'm afraid to have it done. I'm a heavy smoker though, so I think that's why I had a hard time waking up. Plus they had me under for eight hours. If you can get past that fear, and let them remove your gallbladder, think of how much better your life will be. The pain will be gone, and hopefully most of your fears will leave your body right along with your gallbladder.
Three years is a long time to deal with that… I'm sure that must be hard for you. If you're able to come to America to have the surgery done, I would definitely do it. And even if you're not, I would really consider it. Check the statistics about people not waking up from anesthesia...Im sure they're very low. A lot has to do with how long you're under, also. I would ask the doctor about that. The shorter the surgery, the better. I watch the show called my 600 pound life, and these are extremely overweight people going under the knife to have gastric bypass surgery. A lot of the time, they are very unhealthy, and yet they have no issues with the anesthesia. I like to watch that show for that reason… It builds my confidence a little bit knowing that if they can be put under and wake up with no problems, maybe i can too. Maybe it was just a weird, once-in-a-lifetime thing that happened with me. Maybe it would never happen again. I keep trying to talk myself into it.
I understand your feeling about having an attack in public. Mine aren't that painful… Just scary because I Believe their actual heart attacks, and I think I'm going to die . When they happen, I have to be all alone to get myself to calm down.... and if I can't calm down, I call an ambulance . The one I had last night was at my friends house, and he kept asking me if I was OK and rubbing my shoulders and asking if he could get me anything… just being concerned, but just the sound of his voice made the anxiety higher, and he didn't understand that and kept trying to talk to me. I was such a bitch to him. I know I seem like a retard when I'm having one, too. I keep telling whoever is there to shut up, quit talking to me, don't touch me, go away. The mental part of it is way worse than the physical part in my case. I'm so sorry that your issue is so painful.
Keep your chin up, although I'm sure it's hard. I would just try to educate yourself as much as you can about the surgery, and how long it'll take, or the possibility of you coming here to America and having it done...and I would really try to do that. A pain-free life would be a beautiful thing! Being able to leave the house whenever you want and go wherever you want for as long as you want would be a beautiful thing ! Eating food you actually enjoy would be a beautiful thing!!!
Talk to you soon… Take care of yourself !!! =)
P.S. what's your first name?
Ahh bless you x
I'm the same as you beleave me I am , in so so many ways ?
My first name is Callum Lisa.
I also am a heavy smoker I smoke 40 a day sorry to say but I do and that's why the general worries me so much .
The opp if no problems is like 60 to 90 mins ?
But I just don't trust them Lisa they are so blasa here because once you sign that consent form no one is accountable.
And they lie so much so many lies like how you supposed to trust them lol.
Good morning, Callum. 😃
60-90 minutes is a piece of cake, anesthesia wise. Also keep in mind, they do those surgeries multiple times every day. It's like us tying our shoes...we could do it in our sleep. I'm sure they can perform the surgery in their sleep ... Not that you would want them to! LOL! That's probably why they seem so blasé about it... It's like second nature to them. Gallbladder removal is a very common surgery, so that's a positive thing. Only having to be under less than two hours is also another positive thing! Like only one in 100,000 people have an issue with anesthesia. If youre that uncomfortable with the idea, maybe talk to another doctor… Get a second opinion… Voice your concerns about the anesthesia.
The older you get, the harder it will be on your body. Also, when it's done as an emergency surgery, as opposed to an elective surgery, The risk factor increases. So better sooner than later.
Taking a leap of faith has to be better than the pain and fear you've been living with for three years. I absolutely understand the anxiety part of it. It's scary… The unknown… The what if... But living the way you've been living has also got to be scary. It's kind of like...pick your monster! =\
Think it through, really think it through...but just keep in mind how much better your life can be without that angry gall bladder playing games with your body and your mind everyday!
I hope you have a good day today...think positive and be happy! =D
.
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