Missing my best friends wedding due to anxiety and fear of flying

[KatyD411]

I've always been a fearful flier but even since my dad passed away from cancer 2 and a half years ago, it has gotten extremely bad. I failed to get on short flights for two years up until a couple months ago I managed to get on an hours flight kicking and screaming (not really.. but many tears and panic attacks) my best friends wedding has been planning her wedding for a year and a half and asked me to be her maid of honour. Leading up the the flight, I barely felt anxious and didn't even think about it . About two weeks before flight the anxiety crept in and day by day it got so bad that I was having many panic attacks and couldn't concentrate on anything but my worry. I ended up refusing to get on the 14 hour flight and have felt the worst I've ever felt in my life. Her wedding is in about 5 days and I just can't do it. I feel ashamed, frustrated, guilty and like a horrible human being . My family are attending the wedding so I have felt very alone in this. Terrified she will never speak to me again and she's been my closest friend all my life. I feel horrible to have let her down and other friends and family down but I feel I can't control it and know I need to go seee someone about it . I should've gradually built up hours on flights.

[mysmugcat]

So sorry to hear this. Have you ever used medicine before a flight? Have you tried a hypnotherapist? Just some ideas. Please stop beating yourself up. At some point try to have a conversation with your friend about this. She knows you right? How you are?

[KatyD411 in reply to mysmugcat]

I have tried xanax etc but I just can't seem to get on the plane without freaking, even if I've had xanax days leading up to the flight. I have tried hypnotherapy quite a few times with various practitioners and I might have to give it another go. Thank you. It's just really hard sometimes to explain anxiety to people who have luckily never experienced it.

[mysmugcat in reply to KatyD411]

You're welcome. Did the hypnotherapy help at all? I wonder why you are scared of flying eg you think the plane will crash? Planes are safer and few accidents than car accidents. However I know anxiety is complex. Pm anytime.

[KatyD411 in reply to mysmugcat]

Thank you . It's more the sensations of planes as I was on a boat that capsized when young as well as a car crash and any sort of out of control feeling, my mind can't really handle. So going to try build up the confidence in myself and strengthen my mind through meditation etc . Gotta try quiet the irrational part of my brain

[mysmugcat in reply to KatyD411]

Sorry to hear these things. I can understand your anxiety of the plane more now due to those traumatic experience s as you say. I'll be thinking of you and hope you can overcome this in the future.