Depersonalization

[May04]

When I look at pictures of myself I don't see that that's me . It's such a creepy and heartbreaking feeling . Like my emotions and conscious don't connect . Anyone felt the same ?

[Jenrolil]

I have this too. I also have that same feeling when I think of memories

[May04 in reply to Jenrolil]

How long have you been feeling this way ? How did it start if you don't mind me asking ?

[Jenrolil in reply to May04]

This current spell has lasted nearly 5 months so far. I have had spells previously though. My first experience started 17 years ago. Was possibly triggered by post natal depression or anxiety. I initially thought I had a brain tumour. My head just started feeling really weird and something felt off with my consciousness (a bit like being drunk) and I had feelings of extreme anxiety and dread. I had various tests at the time, MRI etc but was told all normal. The extreme anxiety and weird feelings wouldn't lift. They got worse and I started to have all of the weird depersonalisation type feelings. Feeling like I wasn't me anymore. Alienated from my normal sense of reality. It lasted on and off for maybe 6 years having cycles of feeling semi normal then coming back full force then finally it seemed to fade very much into into the background for about 7 years. I'd occasionallly get blips where I'd feel the sensations but would never last long. Then after the birth of my 3rd child 4 years ago I was suddenly right back in this hell. I had a stressful time for the first few months of her life where she had undiagnosed tongue tie and wasn't feeding properly and gaining weight and subsequently got jaundice so I think that probably triggered it. It was then pretty hellish for about 2 years but again faded into the background for another 2 years until 4 months ago when bam all the feelings came back. Again was triggered by a stressful period. I don't know if anxiety or depression is what is at the root of these feelings. I have always been a worrier and prone to anxiety. Even as young as 3 I'd work myself into a state worrying about my mum dying and the nature of life the universe and everything. I actually even used to induce feelings of depersonalisation type feelings on purpose as a child but they weren't scary then. I just used to lie on my mums bed and repetitively keep thinking to myself "this is me thinking this, if I wasn't here and thinking then the room would still exist but I wouldn't" and it would induce a weird feeling of being an observer of myself.

How about you? What's your story?

[HopingCat in reply to Jenrolil]

Wow... I'm dealing with this hell too. 4 months now and I had it before when I was 18 (18 years ago) from smoking marijuana. Now it came back full force with with no Marijuana. I am healthy, I do no drugs and no alcohol. So I don't really know what's happening. But it's been 4 months of pure hell and I'm tired of these attacks that go straight into depersonalization. I feel like my soul is coming out of my body and I'm looking at everything from up top. It's so disturbing. I don't even know what to do anymore

[May04 in reply to HopingCat]

That's how I felt in the very beginning . I would say like my second month with it

[May04 in reply to Jenrolil]

I apologize for the late response .

Today was a very busy day . Thank you for taking the time to respond. Well I believe I inherited it. But I've experienced traumatic life events that made it worse. My mother died when i was 14, from a tragic accident . I am an only child and she was divorced and had full custody of me . Her and I were all we had . That left me with anxiety but more depressive symptoms . Two years ago is when my anxiety became a full blown disorder . I was diagnosed and misdiagnosed and being as though my health was in jeopardy it caused me to panic . I was be scared of any little thing believing it was cancerous or like you said , a tumor . I would go to the ER because attacks like 3 xs a week. My vision then became impaired , followed by other physical symptoms and head symptoms that again left me to believe it was serious . I was forced to go on Zoloft and my dp symptoms started while on Zoloft . I remember being on my phone looking at pics and suddenly I couldn't recognize myself . It's been going on for 1 year and 3 months . I stop meds . Dealing with it on my own now

[lindseyleigh615]

I just found out about this today thanks to google. I've been dealing with the same symptoms but I don't even worry that much. It's like my brain has complete control & just thinks non stop. It doesn't ever quiet. It gets so overwhelming & feels like I've sucked to much helium out of balloon.. light headed & just plain weird. I noticed it starting off slowly but never thought anything of it & just kept pushing it aside. Now it's almost an all day every day occurrence depending on my atmosphere. Sitting at my desk all day is the worst. How the heck do you get it to chill?

[May04 in reply to lindseyleigh615]

I wish I knew the answer. I think it's the worst symptom.