Am i going crazy?

[Sacolucci]

I've written on here a few times about my recent episode of Benign Positional Vertigo. It happened to me 6 years ago while under tremendous stress. I had vertigo but not positional, just a manifestation of stress. My GAD was so bad I was convinced I had MS and spent a trip to Cuba using the internet trying to find a connection between my vertigo and having MS. It was terrifying.

Now, I actually got BPPV because I had classic symptoms of "positional vertigo". It all started one night when I quickly jumped out of bed to feed my baby. I had the spins so bad I thought I was having a stroke. After that, I had positional vertigo throughout the day but just chalked up the spins I had to anxiety.

The psychologist I was speaking to was trying to help me with my anxiety but in this case, I was getting overly anxious and panicky because I was dizzy and not the other way around.

Now, the BPPV is gone because I keep testing it but it seems like I have that "Persistent Postural Dizziness" and off balance feeling. I was cutting some fruit this afternoon and the dizzy rush came over me (like adrenaline running through my head) so I panicked and thought it must have come back! I ran upstairs to do the Epley to see if I had the spins again and I don't. I guess this is just residual dizziness. But even though I did a CT scan I fear I have MS.

Should I worry? How do we know we don't have it?

[Jeff1943]

Sacolucci, I've had benign positional vertigo but its not caused by anxiety, it's caused by debris settling on the hair like structured in the inner ear responsible for balance. It goes after a few weeks of its own accord, I've heard of the Epley manouvre, I'm impressed that you can do it yourself, soyou find it effective?

Having said that I could believe that vertigo can be caused by anxiety because anxiety is good at mimicing all kinds of illness.

I think your residual balance problem is perhaps self inflicted because you're constantly testing for it and expecting its return, and anxiety is only too willing to oblige. I have slight balance problems but I'm a lot older than you and I believe it's caused by blood vessels in the inner ear narrowing and not allowing enough blood through, it happens to quite a lot of older people.

Sacolucci, this idea that you have ms is certainly NOT true, the doctors andtests you've had would have picked up on that by now so you can stop torturing yourself with that self delusion. No, I think it's the memory of the BPPV that is causing you anxiety and you are feeding it with fear by thinking about it too much.

The way to recover from your particular expression of anxiety is to ACCEPT the slight dizziness without fear and through acceptance let your sensitive nervous system recover because you are no longer constantly testing for it and engaging in too much introspection. So I repeat, if you accept the slight dizziness and balance problem without generating fear you will surely recover.

[Sacolucci in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you, Jeff. They did tell me it's from the calcium rocks getting dislodged. They told me to do the Epley on myself and I did it last week and I thought I was having a stroke! But after that, the spinning sensation stopped on my bad ear. But now I have this residual off balance feeling mostly agitated by constant worry.

Thank you! It's just so hard. I have a 4-year-old and 10-month old and feel like I can never be inside my own head. I have adrenaline running through my body every day!

I also feel that I am torturing myself and my husband and nobody wants to hear me anymore. I keep thinking "why me", I just want to be normal again. I can't stop feeling sorry for myself and I always feel like I am just watching my life instead of living it.

My vertigo lasted 2 months before I did the Epley.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Sacolucci]

Sacolucci, you ask 'why me' and my answer is always the same, we all have our cross to bear, who is without one? Life isn't about cruising along smoothly without problems just having a good time, we are constantly being tested with adversity and we become stronger and wiser in the process, not forever by still waters and all that sort of thing. But every adversity comes with the seed of a greater benefit though it's sometimes hard to believe it.

I suggest again that you should take a close look at the Acceptance method for recovery from all anxiety disorders, instead of contunually fighting and testing which causes more fear that keeps your nervous system over sensitised you should utterly accept the bad feelings and symptoms knowing that by doing so its days are numbered. I think you would be greatly helped by reading a short book by Claire Weekes called 'Self help with your nerves' in the u.k. and 'Hope and help with your nerves' in the u.s., same book, it's available new or used from Amazon. It is life changing and over the many years since it was published it has helped untold thousands to recover: you will soon recognise yourself in its pages.

So make no mistake, you are going to recover from the vertigo and anxiety and you certainly don't have ms. Take care.

[Sacolucci in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you! God bless