Should be happy....

[melbrown]

I am tired, on edge & have no one to turn to. My best friend & his wife welcome their beautiful daughter into the world this morning.Mom & daughter are doing fine. I'm an "Auntie" & should be so happy.... He texted me from the hospital last night.... their first kid & had labor induced, baby was late. I shared the news with my husband last night... & we basically had an agrument. He's beyond ready to start a family. My anxiety is bad bad.... Can't help to think I'll be a horrible parent, that I'm a failure as a person.... & to be honest I have no desire to be inmate.... I hate that I feel this way.... I want a child.... but terrified of it all. ... My husband is turning 40 this year & I'll be 37 soon.... so I hear that clock.... I get him.... I'm so afraid he's going to get tired of having a crazy wife .... He says our life is good, that i have nothing to worry about. . He has a good job, we have a house & are able to afford to live well.... that there are people with less & are living life. I could do nothing but silently cry (happened at bedtime). He reassures me he isn't going anywhere.... we didn't discuss it this morning.....

[LMCello]

Melbrown, I'm so sorry no one has responded to this! We have all failed you in your time of need!

How are you doing now? Have you spoken to your husband again about it? It sounds like he loves you so much, but he is also frustrated with the situation (which is NOT your fault!). I have the same worries myself. I feel like I will just let my children down and fail them in so many ways. I am a runner. I am so scared I will abandon my whole family thinking that I am more trouble to them than help to them. I am going to talk to my mom about this. I recently found out that she was deeply depressed when we (us? Idk lol) kids were little. I had no idea! I thought she was a GREAT mom! There were times when she would break down crying saying that she was a terrible mother, and I would give her hugs and tell her how wonderful she was.

Want to do a little exercise with me? If you're up to it, let's both make lists for ourselves- things about us that would make us great mothers. Just from our online interaction, I'd say you can list ten or more reasons or things about you that are great for being a mom. 😉 Let's try it! Oh! Let's ask our husbands to do one about us, too! Wow, I just got really excited about this lol, this could be a breakthrough for us both, melbrown! What do you say?

Give Hans some hugs and pets from me!

[melbrown in reply to LMCello]

Thank you so much for your reply LMCello. I understand the subject might be hard for most to deal with. I honestly have no one to talk to about it.... I have such serious trust & abondment issues. Family life growing up was horrible, my dad was abusive. My siblings & i have no relationship with him. I struggle to have a relationship with my mom.... its a diffcult situation ...getting made worse by her decession to move out of state with my sister & her husband. I know this also plays a role into the anxiety of having a child. I'm crying out for her to be there for me.... my husband is aware of all this. We've talked some more since I posted this, it's going to be a struggle. Hate what this anxiety and depression has done to me... your exicerise sounds like a great idea.... I should give it a try once I'm feeling a bit better. I bet your kiddos think their mom is awesome. You brought home tadpoles.... 🐸 that's cool. I'm hoping to see my niece tomorrow, they want us to visit. Well. I should figure out dinner.... Thank you again.... Hope you are doing well.💛