Help!!

Hiya All, I'm 24 and the last two years of my life have been horrific to say the least. I lost my dad in traumatic circumstances, got married had a baby, then my husband left me. He hasn't seen my daughter or myself in 6 months and its broken me down each and every day. I've turned to alcohol at lot to deal with the depression, but I feel like I have gone too far this time. My anxiety has reached new peaks and started causing gastric problems. I have been to my doctor and a walk in clinic but nothing in the world can settle my mind. I feel sick most days, my muscles are sore, I feel this dread I can't even begin to explain and I'm so worried about leaving my little girl alone without me. My mums trying her best to be supportive but this feeling won't go away :( I've asked the doctor to do blood tests but he wouldn't. I feel like he's not taking me seriously! I had a bad flare up last year and I can't help but feel I'm being fobbed off because of my previous history. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

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13 Replies

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  • First off I'm sorry you've gone through all this. Anxiety is a b****! I've been dealing with it ever since my wife was diagnosed with cancer last fall. One thing you have going for you is youth, and with that the likelihood most of your issues being anxiety related is high. I'd definitely continue to rely on your support. I wish I knew how to help you rid yourself of your anxiousness, but I can share what helped me. Lots of upbeat music, walking, conversation with people, anything to direct my attention away from stress. And no more google! That mess will convince you that you have 50 illnesses! I'd also try to focus on that youngin of yours. Definitely a good distraction. Good luck in the fight! We'll all be here for ya! 👍🏻

  • It certainly is! I'm sorry to hear about your wife. It must be awful for you both. I do try those things, it just seems I can't get it under control at the moment and its taking over my life. It seems futile when you consider what your going through with your wife, It has given me a different perspective on things though so thankyou for sharing with me. Good luck to you and your wife!!

  • Hi Sam

    Have you asked for counselling? You are entitled to free sessions through NHS and it's worth checking what else is available privately... check with GP as some are subsidised also ..,plus there is a 6 week stress/ anxiety and depression course which gives you strategies to cope as well as understand what and why this is happening to you . Good luck 😊Amanda

  • sam_92x, you've had a tough time recently, really tough, and many people with the same experience would be feeling exactly like you do right now. So don't go getting the idea that there's something strange about the way your mind and body are reacting. Most people in your shoes would be feeling the same as you. Muscular pain, nausea and stomach problems are all very common symptoms of anxiety, specially the gadtric problems. Our stomachs are always the first to complain. And of course, you worry what would happen to your little girl if something dreadful happened to you, that's a completely normal reaction.

    There are a few good things in your life though, sam_92x. You have a baby girl who will be a great source of joy to you as the years go by and also gives your life purpose and direction. You have a supportive mum, and that's worth a lot. And at least you know the true nature of your husband, which leaves the door open for a much more worthy man to share your life. Choose him well when the time comes, you are choosing for your littlegirl as well as yourself. Also you compose a good message, I can tell you are a very literate person and that will be a great asset in the days to come.

    Now about this dread you feel. So many bad things have happened to you recently that quite naturally your subconscious is expecting it to go on happening. It's simply fear by another name. But the future doesn't have to be more of the same, sam_92x, you've reached your low point, from now on the only way is up.

    Your doctor may seem unhelpful to you but the reason he won't send you for tests is that he believes that all your symptoms are caused by anxiety. And deep down you probably know that, after all we are exchanging posts on an anxiety forum.

    Believe me when I say that nothing dreadful is going to happen to you. Your bad feelings may be annoying but they're not symptoms of real illness, they will pass as soon as your anxiety passes and your outlook on life changes for the better. Basically you are fit and healthy, not everybody is lucky enough to be able to say that.

    What I would suggest is that you accept all these minor ills and stop investing them with more fear. If you can accept things (for the time being) then sooner or later your anxiety will pass because your nervous system is no longer being sensitised by a constant flood of fear and negativity. So cherish your child, tell your mum how much you appreciate her help and start to rebuild your life for yourself and your child. And don't become reclusive, you need to enjoy some social life as much as anyone else.

    So believe me when I say that nothing bad is going to happen to you, these aches and pains are not life threatening and you are not losing your mind. You are clearly a capable woman who can rebuild her life and happiness and you can build a good life for yourself and your daughter by not dwelling on negative thoughts but by concentrating on all the positive things that happen in your life no matter how small they might be.

  • Hiya Jeff1943, Thankyou for your reply and your words. Reading through it, its made me realise your right. I can't allow this to take over my life, and whilst I completely agree, my little girl does bring me great joy, I feel I'm damaging her with my worries that I just can't seem to gain control over. It pains me to say it as some people have told me to 'get a grip' - which as I'm sure must seem simple to people who don't understand anxiety. I'm going to a counselling session today and hopefully they can shed some light on the situation for me. I've never felt so bad before with it. Also, I hope the propananol they have given me helps a bit too. Thankyou again for your words :)

  • I always recommend an excellent self help book that is very good at helping people to recover from all forms of anxiety disorder using the acceptance method, it's by Claire Weekes and is titled 'Self help with your nerves' and its available from Amazon either new or used. It really is life changing, you will recognise yourself in its pages.

  • Sorry to hear this. You need counselling and appropriate support. If your doctor won't help you need to see someone else and make a complaint! Counselling will help you through x

  • Ps I developed IBS from stress/anxiety if this is the case for you then you may need medication and appropriate dietary changes - i.e. Look at FODMAP x

  • Thanks for your reply, I went to the doctor yesterday. Today I've had lower back pain and my stomach feels like its burning and gurgling. So scared its something more sinister. Booked another appointment with a different doctor on Friday. x

  • Does sound like IBS x

  • Hello, I am interested to read your comments on the effects anxiety is having on you. I suffer terribly with loss of appetite and nausea when something is really getting at me. However I know that it is the anxiety and not a physical issue. I met a lady at the Cruse group and got myself in a bit of a mess and went to a doctor as the discomfort in my stomach was very bad and like you I was worried. The doctor examined me and was quite thorough, he assured me the discomfort was too low down to be ulcers so that was a big relief. I spoke with my friend last night and although I got a bit upset I think I have sorted things out. I certainly feel better this morning apart from the cider I had last night lol. That is another thing, alcohol, I try and have 4 nights a week off, it is alcohol that fuels my anxiety and I feel noticeably better when I don't drink.

    I lost my wife in January after 20 years of marriage and things have been very difficult. I have had a lot of support through Cruse Bereavement Care, both one to one and from a local group. I think sometimes it is a matter of finding the right support. Also trying (I know it is difficult) to get absorbed in things you like doing helps, as other people say any distraction to take your mind off it helps. Having a youngster must be tiring but very rewarding and

    perhaps try doing more things together. I am no expert don't even have any children just a thought really.

    Oh well best go, take care and be kind to yourself.

    Regards, laverdasf1000

  • Hey there, thank you for your reply! First of all, can I just say, How sorry I am to hear about your wife. It must be awful and I can't imagine what your going through. It's understandable why you feel the way you do, I believe anxiety manifests itself after a big loss in your life as you realise how precious and fragile life can be. Although, very different situations as it was your wife. When my Dad passed away is when it all began. Last year I thought I had problems with my heart and had bloods tests, ECG'S and nothing showed up. Since then more has happened and I'm finding it hard each and every day to not believe there's not something seriously wrong. I also have been to the doctors and he examined me and said he could not find anything. The internet as wonderful as it can be has led me to actually believe my own symptoms and I'm convinced. However, my doctor has told me its anxiety - something I cannot believe. My stomach is generally uncomfortable during the day. Strange pain, almost like a burning. The muscles all over my back ache at different times and different areas during the day. I'm eating still, no blood from anywhere. I haven't appeared to lost any weight. I just can't stop this and my life feels over. I keep having visions of sitting there and them telling me its something horrible and I'd have to leave my daughter :( I can't get these thoughts out my head and I'm due to start a job on Monday. What sort of motions have you been going through with it?

    Sam

  • Hello, thanks for getting back to me. I appreciate your kind thoughts regarding the loss of my wife. I won't fill this reply with all the details. However It might be worth thinking about what happened to my wife. About 2 and a half years ago she had to go into hospital with Anaemia, whilst in hospital she was diagnosed with Diabetes. I suspected this as her mother had it and all 3 of her brothers have it to varying degrees also her eyesight was quite bad.My wife has always been doctor phobic and we had many arguments over the years over it. Any way moving on a bit she eventually saw the eye specialist who said you have to have operations on your eyes to preserve the sight you have got. so she had three operations, 2 on one eye one on the other it didn't work and the sight went totally after these operations within 7 days. she then had pain in the right eye and had two lots of laser surgery to relieve the pain it did work but she had pain after each session. Moving forward to December last year she was admitted on the 22nd, we had Xmas, our 20th wedding anniversary on the 28th, New Year and then she died on the 4th January. it was the worst day of my life, she was only 54.

    So what is the point I am trying to make, well you have youth on your side, I think you said you are 24 and you are seeing the doctor. My wife being so doctor phobic contributed to her early passing. The eye specialist said she had probably been diabetic for 10 years going by the retinal damage in her eyes. You can at least go to the doctor and thank goodness your problems don't stop you from going.

    I get aching that is not due to pulled muscles under my arms and it is always when I am stressed. I believe totally that Anxiety/Stress/Depression can all cause strange aches and palpitations. I suffer terribly with over sweating which I believe is excess Adrenalin. The trouble is with the human being we still react to situations as stoneage man would have done when confronted with a danger. We don't face these dangers any more but our bodies fight or flight mechanism is based in these old instincts. I find that being outside helps, either walking my dogs or running. Well I say running I am getting back to it after a 20 year lay off so at 61 it is a bit difficult. I ran the London Marathon in 1995, went out to work in Germany, had a battle with cancer and met my wife, an interesting time to say the least.

    I am not a medical person by any means and everything I put is my own experience. I would never say you are not ill or imagining it as the effects are very real. However as an example I hurt my back a week or so ago vacuuming the stairs. This has resulted in pain in my left side on top of the anxiety discomfort I have been suffering as well. But the physical ache does not move much, the anxiety induced discomfort does. So dare I say, your doctor could well be right that the pain is anxiety rather than physical.

    Please don't get upset as I am just putting what I think it is with me and these are just my thoughts.

    I have been to an Introduction to Anxiety presentation through the Healthy Minds the local NHS trusts psychological/psychiatric service. The presentation is very informative and they give you a couple of handouts to read and a relaxation CD. I have only used the CD once but it did put me to sleep so that says something for it. You may well find something on the internet. Oh well I think i have put enough for now I will have a think and perhaps I can add a bit more later on.

    There are ways to combat this I am still working on it but I do know CBT helps and I am waiting for a date for it to start. Maybe worth mentioning it to your doctor as it may help with the way you think about your issues and it could well help you find the way out of the misery that anxiety causes.

    Take care do not despair you will get better.

    Regards, laverdasf

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