Be aware 😎

[Dodo777]

There are people out there that can put on a good persona in public but behind closed doors are monsters of the cruelest kind . Yes I'm talking about parents . Mentally ill but cunning manipulative cruel . They can do untold damage. I blame slot on poverty alcohol and upbringing. Love you kids and you'll be rewarded rewarded by visits when your of old age being cared for by loved ones . I am babbling on but I find myself in the rut of over thinking about my childhood which was appalling cruel and mean . I sometimes can forgive my parents because their childhoods was just as bad . They never ever said sorry and my mum said all the bearings never happened which makes the whole thing much worse . She never had a conscious and I Hate her for it .

That's it got it my chest . 😊

[Agora1]

Dodo, It is therapeutic to get that traumatic part of your life off your chest. Carrying that around all your adult years must be horrific. Weighing you down emotionally and physically. Causing you extreme anxiety and depression. As much as it helps to bring things to the surface and not bury them, it is just as important to now let go and get on with your life. You learned by your parent's mistakes and you are a better person for that.

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

It's going slowly thanx Agora 😊

[Agora1 in reply to Dodo777]

I understand Dodo, how a traumatic childhood could leave you scarred. You may not forget but hopefully heal enough to live your life to the fullest.

[hairyfairy]

I can relate to this. My parents weren`t really cruel, but they were thoughtless, & abusive by today`s standards. My father was in the navy & believed in strict discipline, which meant that I was expected to know my place, & got spanked hard if I didn`t. Because of his job we moved around quite about for most of my childhood, & I was constantly being uprooted. I fell behind at school & became withdrawn, resulting in visits to child guidance & serving 18 months in an adolescent unit in my early teens. The worst thing about my parents is that they failed to see that they caused my problems, & blamed me for the way that I turned out.

[Dodo777 in reply to hairyfairy]

Yes look back to what abuse is today are two different things but any violence to a child will be traumatic for anyone. Sorry to hear that and hope your coping.

My abuse was more sevre but any abuse is wrong and hurtful to the victim.

Take care Hairy 😉

[Kiwimama]

Now that you have gotten this off your chest it is time to identify and acknowledge how your childhood experiences made you feel. Try making a when/I list....

To do this you write down the following in relation to specific parenting actions or events in your childhood...

When (this happened), I felt ___________.

Once you have done this adapt the list to reflect on the positive things you have learnt as an adult due to these childhood experiences. This way your list starts to focus on the positive things in your life now instead of keeping you trapped in those childhood experiences and feelings

E.G:

My parent's addictions made me feel ________ as a child, I have learned to _________.

I experienced angy and violent behaviour as a child so I have learned to ______________ as an adult.

ETC

Once you have acknowledged all this it is time to tackle the next and likely most challenging part of your recovery and healing...

Although it may seem impossible right now, forgiving your parents is the most important step towards recovery. Forgive them not because they are sorry or because you accept or approve of their actions but because you have the power and authority to do so. (Just because you can.)

Acknowledge that they like all parents made mistakes be it due to their ignorance, addictions or ill intent (and that these mistakes had a terrible impact on you.)

Their parenting mistakes/actions should not have anymore power over you and will not if you can bring yourself to forgive them and put your past to rest.

Holding on to the anger, hatred and resentment and playing the blame game keeps you captive in a victim mentality and hands over the power and control to them and your past.

Forgiveness will set you free but is one of the hardest things in this world to do especially when you are still hurting.

By forgiving you reclaim the power and control over your life and you can begin to heal.

Also, since you mentioned alcohol being a problem for your parents. Perhaps joining a support group for Adult Children of Alcoholics (Often run by AA) would be helpful for you.