Trying to understand myself

[Arianne91015]

Does anxiety cause low self esteem or is it the other way around?

[anastasiak]

Generally anxiety lowers self esteem especially if we talk about generelized anxiety. But these two dont always correlate. I mean you may have high self esteem but you might still experience anxiety ...eg you might have a certain fear that triggers feelings of anxiety. So I think it depends on the kind of anxiety you are experiencing.

[Arianne91015 in reply to anastasiak]

I have been reading so many self help books and realize i may have so many disorders -- narcissistic, avoidant personality disorder, paranoia😢 I am disheArtened sometimes because i do not know why i am here and what my life purpose is. I have not achieved much in terms of career becAuse ive always said no to almost everything. I remember when i was young i had such a fear of being embarrassed in public and i think that has carried on until now.. I am fearful of being found out thAt there are so many things i do not know😢 I am a college graduate and professional but i chose to do something that everyone seems to think is way below what i can do (working with my hands). It made me so happy for a time but now i realize they may have been right. I should have practiced my profession from the get go, my life would have been better i think. My kids' futures may be much more secure. Now i feel so lost.. Dont know where to start over in my 40s. With all that i know about myself i cannot seem to find my life purpose, i cannot seem to see why God made me the way I am with so much fears and insecurity and uncertainty.. I have the biggest tendency to overestimate others and underestimate myself. They say the beginning of wisdom is knowing yourself, but after all i know about me i do not know what the next step is to change my thinking. To a more positive one. I desperately want to be a good role model to my kids but as it is, depression/anxiety is just making me lethargic. Which is the last thing i want my kids to see, coz i want them to grow up to be go getters and take-charge people. I want to take action (i say to myself i need to OVERDO this time, not overthink) but i feel like im going around in circles because i really do not know where to begin!!!! If i had the money i would study again so i could regain my self esteem and feel some sort of worth, but we do not. Help me pleaseee i really do not know how i can start improving my life so i can secure my children's futures. They mean the world to me. I do not want my story to end this way. I started the race so well, in college i did so great and was always topping my exams. But due to all my negative thoughts and lack of self belief, i can now describe my life as mediocre and just getting by😢 I just want me to be proud of me again. Add to that my husband as ive said does not seem to want to work togethr to improve our situation, so at this point i am really all alone in this battle. My mind is killing me slowly with the negativity that is festering inside.. I desperately need a job to keep me busy and make me feel like i am good again. I have said no to all and have a tendency to love them and leave them (is that not a narcissistic trait?😢) I do not want my life to be a waste😢💔

[anastasiak in reply to Arianne91015]

Hi again! Have you ever visited an expert (psychologist / psychiatrist) in order to have an official diagnose...??because I think you are a bit confused with all these self help books...definitely you don t suffer from a narcissistic disorder...if you were, you would be a totally different person with other kind of misbehaviors...trust me I know what I am talking about...I 've studied psychology.

I believe that you should definitely pay a visit to an expert...you know sometimes a simple pill may ease a lot many symptoms and really help you stand on your feet...

Apart from that you should never forget that everything has a good & a bad side...we should keep the good side and learn from the bad one so next time we experience a similar situation things can become better. So...What I mean is first step...try to learn from you past actions without being devastated or feeling guilty...Everything happens for a reason. Ok you did what you did in the past but that was in your PAST...realizing your mistakes gives you wisdom for the present and future. It' s like an old wardrobe...out of fashion and doesn t fit you well....so get rid of it!! How..?

By taking baby steps at a time...at first put some easy very realistic goals to yourself and you will see as you reach them you will gradually feel much better...gaining self worth & self esteem....I know it's rather easy to say it than do it....but definitely you can achieve it!

[Arianne91015 in reply to anastasiak]

Thank you for the words of wisdom❤️ Yes i do realize there is a good and bad side to everything, and i ought to focus more on the good and the lessons ive learned along the journey. I just had to look inside myself and learn about myself more because i want to know why i am the way i am. It seems that success has been elusive and i think it all boils down to my shyness, too afraid to be found out that there are so many things in life that i do not know! I don't know why that scares me a lot, being embarrassed and seen as stupid. So i just settled into my shell and stayed there for so long. I did not push myself and see how far i could go. I wanted to stay safe always. Now i realize how much i have missed by doing so. I wnt to get out of my shell and break the damn thing so i would never go back there anymore. I have discarded most of my friends and now i am too proud to ask for help😞They have been telling me before to practice my profession, not to waste my education, but i did not listen. And now it seems that they were after all😢 Now i feel the weight of the world on my back because i have 3 kids that i have to send to school, a husband who does not seem to want to work, and me without a definite plan/path for my life (at 44)😢💔 how can somebody with such low self esteem find the light at the end of this dark tunnel? I do not know my worth anymore and i don't know how to begin to love myself with all my flaws. What i know is self love is important to have some sort of success in life, and i cannot seem to love who i see in the mirror💔😢 help please

[Arianne91015 in reply to anastasiak]

And no i have not seen a professional about this. Wish i could but i heard they have expensive rates